Humble and immodest
Last week, within a day, I received two judgments that were funnily enough the exact opposite. In the morning I was at a camera training session of a seasoned journalist who told me ‘You really are way too modest’. It turns out that I can easily talk about the content of my work and about my students, but establishing myself as an expert is a different story.
A gentleman on my social media page thought otherwise. He typed down a hefty story in a response to a post, in which he called me very immodest. And the good thing is, it hit me, neither of them. A few years ago it would certainly have made me doubtful, but now I experience judgment as something that has nothing to do with me at all.
Frame of reference
The journalist is very right from his perspective. When you come in front of the camera, it is useful if you are convinced of your own expertise. And the social media gentleman is probably right because in his experience my field of spirituality is something you just do and don’t talk about too much. You should also not display it online or dare to ask for money. In his frame of reference, this is very correct. But neither of them says anything about me at all.
When you are focused on the outside world, you are dependent on what others say. People can praise you one time and criticize you severely the next. When you draw these words to yourself, you can feel very mixed, one time very happy and the next sad and self-doubt. You are, as it were, a plaything of other people’s words.
But when you are more focused on your own heart and soul, then you stand a lot more firmly in your shoes. You feel happy no matter what others say. It is then easy to connect with others and still stay with yourself. Of course, you can learn from what others say, for example, I am going to follow a training course with the journalist to make myself stronger in front of the camera. So I do listen, but judgments no longer affect me and I just look at what I want to grow further in.
Three tips to help you let go of judgments:
1. What someone says has 100% to do with the person themselves
Actually, it’s not about you at all. After all, someone speaks from his frame of reference, with all his experiences, thoughts, feelings, and projections. You can listen kindly, but then know that it is not about you. If someone comes across as indiscriminate, it has more to do with their inner dissatisfaction or with points of attention at home, for example, than with you. You can imagine it like this: if someone has sharp angular squares inside, as it were, then sharp angular squares come out as words. Which you happen to catch.
2. Connect with yourself when words touch you
The moment you get words thrown at you, you can be startled. You may have a tendency to quickly check in your mind whether what the other person is saying is correct. An unpleasant feeling can soon follow because there is no one as critical as our inner voice and we can always find a stick to beat ourselves. Stay ahead of this trajectory by connecting with yourself by placing a hand on your stomach. Experience the weight of your hand, the warmth, and the radiance. Breathe towards it. This is how you calm yourself.
3. Connect with your heart and soul to be happy
This takes time, but it will get better every day. You can keep your focus on your heart as much as possible throughout the day. You do this by bringing every thought you have to your heart, where the thought dissolves on its own. Keep your attention on the light of your heart and experience that it becomes calmer and calmer inside. This way you ensure that you both stay with yourself and that you can establish a deep connection with others.