Strength is not about intimidating others or using aggression to get what you want. Power is about knowing that you are worth enough to ask clearly and confidently for what you want. Because if you don’t, the answer is almost always ‘no’. Perhaps people are also quite unclear when they talk about “giving away” their power. That’s why I made a list that hopefully gives you some clarity.
Indicators that you are giving away your power
1. You’re chasing your dignity
According to Brené Brown, “hunting for your dignity” consists of pleasing, perfecting, pretending, and proving. In other words, if you feel that you are not worthy of love and acceptance, you may find that you are over-pleasing others by doing things you really don’t want to do or that you are saying ‘yes’ when you are actually ‘no’. want to say.
That is a good example of perfecting. Working really hard trying to make everything look good, hiding your feelings that may seem “messy”, and trying really hard to make the outside world think you’re all right are all examples of things that can happen when you don’t want to admit that you’re falling apart inside. By pretending, you may be saying that you’re “fine” when it isn’t at all.
2. You tolerate toxic relationships
Everyone has someone in their life who varies between not feeling quite well and completely draining your energy and your soul. This could be a family member, a friend, a colleague, or someone else. If you allow these people to behave toxically towards you, you are essentially giving them a part of you that is not being reciprocated. In other words, if you accept their toxic behavior, you create an obstacle to the relationships you really want and deserve deep down.
3. You are very passive
Some people are naturally passive and if that’s part of your personality, that can be a wonderful thing. But, if you don’t stand up for yourself, you’re giving away your power. You know it when you feel like someone has wronged you and you don’t do anything about it. If you just take everyone’s bullshit for granted, when you know you shouldn’t. This often stems from fear and a lack of confidence.
4. You just let your dreams be dreams
You have dreams, just like everyone else. Maybe it’s not to become the next famous Dutch person, but maybe it’s that you want to be happier, or healthier. Whatever it is, if you sit and wish for it, and then say to yourself, ‘But I can’t do it, because…’, you’re cheating yourself. You give your power away to your inner critic. You pour it into your inner critic, as it were.
5. You are being manipulated
(Oh, oh, I have so much personal experience with this one). Manipulators have one goal: to control others to get what they want. How they do this varies from person to person (threatening, they blame you, they humiliate you and even flattery is included), but their goal is always the same. By not standing up for yourself, by not setting boundaries or by making up excuses for your manipulator, you are giving away your power.
6. You don’t believe in yourself and/or you don’t accept yourself
Being in control of your own strength is influenced by how you feel about yourself. You can use how you feel as a yardstick to measure not only how much strength you have, but how you use your strength. Every time you give away your power, under any circumstance, you show yourself and the world that there is room for improvement when it comes to believing in and accepting yourself.
7. You allow your inner critic to make your choices
When your inner critic – or “gremlin” as I call it – is constantly in your head, you are giving away your power. Your gremlin wants you to fear the unknown, make you indecisive and hold you tight.
The bottom line is that you have the power to create whatever you want. It’s in you! You are more powerful than you can imagine. Giving away your power is like throwing your hard-earned money into the street for others to pick up. Why not just keep it and use it yourself?