If you are a highly sensitive person, intimacy and sexuality are inextricably linked to feelings and emotions.
You are extra sensitive to external stimuli. But what about feelings of intimacy and sexuality?
Can you sometimes so intensely long for intimacy, but at the same time also lead to overstimulation?
Do you sometimes feel that you expect too much from your partner?
Do you feel a little insecure about entering into an intimate or sexual relationship?
This article can help you gain a better understanding of your own intimate feelings and desires as a highly sensitive person.
Purpose of this blog: with this article I want to give you an insight into how you as a highly sensitive person can differ from non-highly sensitive people in terms of intimacy and sexuality. However, there are also a lot of similarities and you will also get to know them in this article. The tips can help you to fully enjoy sexuality as a highly sensitive person.
The TV is often too loud, the light is often too bright, the children often make too much noise and if you get hungry, you are often quite moody. You don’t like changes and surprises and when it all gets too much for you, you often isolate yourself.
You may sometimes feel guilty towards your partner because of this. Have you ever experienced that your partner wanted to surprise you with a day trip, but that you didn’t like it at all because of the many new impressions?
I understand that you feel guilty about this, but don’t let this feeling take over.
High sensitivity is not a disorder or condition. It is a character trait, an innate quality. Unfortunately, a highly sensitive person is often misunderstood. Maybe some people think that you are looking for attention or that you have a difficult character.
However, if they get to know you better, they will notice that you want the best for everything and everyone. You are capable of loving someone with your whole being and your partner will probably realize that.
Just like external impressions, emotions and feelings can touch you very intensely. This is a major advantage of high sensitivity. After all, being touched by someone and feeling connected to that person is what intimacy is all about.
As a highly sensitive person you have a lot to offer your partner, he or she will often experience intimacy and sex as something very special.
Because of your empathy, it is easy to build a very intense intimate relationship with you. Usually you feel your partner’s feelings right away and you will do everything you can to make him or her as comfortable as possible.
As a highly sensitive person you are loyal, you usually give your all in a relationship and you are less likely to hurt your partner because you know how much it can hurt someone else. You like to shower people you love with love.
As a highly sensitive person you immediately feel when your relationship is not going well. You immediately notice when your partner feels hurt and absorb these feelings yourself.
That is why you are always open for a conversation. You like deep conversations that make problems easier to express.
Just because you’re so sensitive, you usually think of sex as the ultimate act of intimacy. You take relationships very seriously and you only spend your energy on relationships that have a deeper meaning for you.
As a highly sensitive person, intimacy and sexuality are very important to you. But some things are quite difficult for you.
Just as you can enjoy sexuality very intensely, you can also be completely turned off if something goes against you.
Do you recognize yourself in this? Then read on carefully because I will also give you tips on how to deal with this a little later in this article.
HSP and sexuality: you need to know this
Psychotherapist Elaine N. Aron , author of the book ‘Highly sensitive people in love’, discovered both similarities and differences in sexuality between highly sensitive and non-highly sensitive people.
Before I go into more detail, I would like to emphasize that ‘standard’ similarities or differences do not exist at all.
After all, sexuality is one of the most subjective forms of pleasure.
Not everyone experiences the same feelings of pleasure, any more than everyone has the same aversion to certain things.
For all the similarities Elaine Aron found, there were just as many exceptions. She therefore emphasizes that experiencing something different in the field of sexuality does not make you more or less highly sensitive.
Perhaps as a highly sensitive person you recognize the points I make very well. But it could just as well be that you do not recognize certain things.
Let’s take a look at the common similarities first.
Like non-highly sensitive people, you find sex very satisfying. You get excited just as easily. You do not take more or less initiative. You can enjoy just as much and just as unrestrained and sex also provides a general feeling of satisfaction for you.
But how do highly sensitive people differ in terms of sexuality? I would like to list these typical features for you.
Sexuality is a very intense and powerful experience for you
In order to enjoy sex, you also feel you need to be emotionally connected to someone.
You know your own body through and through
Because you are so sensitive to all kinds of impressions, you probably know your body inside out. You know perfectly well what you can enjoy, but you also know very well what you don’t like at all.
Do not immediately assume that your partner also knows what you like and what you don’t like. And maybe you know very well what brings you to an orgasm right away, but that’s why your partner doesn’t know this right away.
You know perfectly where your erogenous zones are, but your partner may have a little more trouble with this.
If you have too high expectations of your partner and he or she does not meet you in this, then help him or her with this. You can learn how to do this in the tips further on in this article.
Easily distracted during sex
If you are highly sensitive, then you probably know that you immediately notice everything. Certain smells can overwhelm you to the point of making you both emotional and nauseous.
It’s the same with sounds: soft music or sounds of nature can enrapture you, while loud music can irritate you quite a bit.
To fully enjoy sex, the atmosphere has to be just right for you. A squeaky bed, street lights, a TV that is too loud… these are just a few examples that can completely ruin the intimate atmosphere if you are highly sensitive.
As a highly sensitive person you have an eye for the beautiful things in life. And what could be better than the game of seduction? You need subtle temptation to get in the right mood. Intense eye contact turns you on much more than dirty talk.
Sensitive to pain and the right touches
Because your pain threshold is lower than with non-highly sensitive people, you probably don’t like slightly rougher sex at all.
Also, if you are touched in the wrong way or in the wrong place, it can be very sensitive and even painful.
However, the right touches can take you to seventh heaven. That is why it is very important that you discuss this with your partner. Tell him or her clearly what you like and what you don’t.
Most people caress someone with the inside of their palm. And yes… that can feel very nice.
But did you know that the outside and side of a hand feel much softer?
The right time
Do you sometimes feel completely exhausted after a busy day and then just feel the need to be alone instead of focusing on your partner?
All the stimuli of the past day may have exerted such a negative influence on you that you have had it all for a while.
You really can’t have any extra stimuli, such as sexual stimuli. For most highly sensitive people, the time at which they have sex is therefore very important.
A reset plan for when you don’t like it a bit
You may not like all the new exciting and kinky things, which is quite normal for highly sensitive people.
There is nothing wrong with that in itself, but your partner may like a little tension in your love life every now and then. And if he or she approaches this in the right way, it may surprise you pleasantly too.
It is very important that you feel comfortable before trying something new. So create the right atmosphere. An extensive foreplay that you enjoy extra as a highly sensitive person can help you with this.
The right touches in the right places can cause you to deviate from your routine without realizing it.
Do you not like this other way of loving? Do your thoughts wander because you are touched in a different way?
Do you feel yourself starting to get annoyed and nervous? Then make sure that you can ‘reset’ yourself for a while.
If you don’t, unfortunately … then the intimate atmosphere will be completely broken. Such a reset plan can, for example, mean that you lie very close to your partner so that you are again flooded by a very intensely familiar feeling.
You can also agree to use a safe word if things get too intense or uncomfortable. So you can relax more because you know that if things don’t go the way you want, you can immediately raise the alarm.
As a highly sensitive person, it is important to always have such a reset plan at hand. After all, not only the breaking of routine can put you completely out of your mood, but also all kinds of impressions from outside.
As a highly sensitive person you can enjoy sex very intensely. Every couple likes to doze off in each other’s arms, but for you as a highly sensitive person this is really a necessity. After all, you also need more time to process sexual stimuli. Going straight back to business as usual is not for you at all and can even make you quite moody.
Negative effects of alcohol
Highly sensitive people are more sensitive to the effects of alcohol and drugs. If you are highly sensitive, for example, you will feel the effect of 2 beers much faster than someone who is not highly sensitive.
Many people think that alcohol increases sexual feelings. This is completely unjustified. Alcohol can remove certain inhibitions, but it is anything but an aphrodisiac.
Especially as a man, you quickly notice the negative effects of alcohol on your sex life. It is much more difficult to get an erection and it also lasts less long.
Do you recognize certain things in yourself? Do you sometimes find it difficult to fully enjoy sex because of your high sensitivity?
Then carefully read the tips below. These will definitely help you to enjoy yourself with your partner.
Enjoying sex as a highly sensitive person: 5 tips
Tip #1 ensure the ideal conditions
As a highly sensitive person you get excited quite quickly. Yet you can often be demanding when it comes to the circumstances.
An itchy bed sheet, too bright light, street noises… these are all things that can disturb you as a highly sensitive person during sex.
A little preparation can help you enjoy your life to the fullest with your partner.
Do not only think of practical matters such as putting the right sheets on the bed or turning off the TV. You can also choose to meet with you if you live separately, so that you know that all circumstances are ideal.
As a sensitive person, you will enjoy intimacy even more if you make it extra cozy: dim lights, a candle here and there, some soft music and you get in the mood to let your partner pamper you.
Having spontaneous sex for a while may become a bit more difficult, but as a highly sensitive person you will enjoy it more.
Tip #2 let your partner discover your body
As a highly sensitive person you know your body through and through. To enjoy sex as much as possible, it is therefore important that your partner also knows your body well.
You probably hate sex without extensive foreplay. And you are right! After all, foreplay is the perfect way to get to know each other’s bodies and desires.
Moreover, with extensive foreplay you create a connection with your partner, which is just as important for you as a highly sensitive person.
If you want to teach your partner to discover your body, it is important that you are both in the right mood and above all relaxed.
For example, an extensive massage can be the start of a real discovery tour of your body.
Guide your partner to your erogenous zones that you know so well and learn how to stimulate them properly. Make it clear to your partner that as a woman you have more erogenous zones than just your breasts or your buttocks.
Go on a journey of discovery in and around your vagina with your partner. No doubt he knows your clitoris, but can he touch it properly? Teach your partner to discover your G-spot and how he can stimulate it.
Also discuss with your partner how you feel about certain touches. Try to explain to him as best you can what exciting feeling you experience with this.
If you don’t like certain touches at all, discuss this with your partner.
Also explain to him or her why you don’t like this so much. Make it clear to him that this is a result of your high sensitivity and not at all because your partner doesn’t know how to do it.
This will not only allow you to enjoy sex more intensely, but your partner will also love to know how he can lead you to an orgasm.
The better your partner knows your body, the more deeply you will feel connected to him. And it is precisely this connection that you can enjoy extra as a highly sensitive person.
Tip #3 don’t let your mind wander too much
If the circumstances are not quite perfect, don’t let your mind wander too much during sex. It’s okay if there are cars racing down the street during your lovemaking.
It’s not that bad that the sheet is wrinkled. If the TV is too loud, try not to pay any attention to this disturbing sound. Conditions don’t have to be perfect to enjoy.
Tip #4 take the initiative yourself
If you’ve been given too many stimuli during the day, it’s normal that you prefer to withdraw on your own and that you don’t feel like having sex at all.
If you have had a fairly quiet day and you feel good, take the initiative yourself.
Your partner may not feel as good as to whether you are ready for sex. But if you take the initiative, he or she already knows that things are going well.
Above all, make sure that you have loving contact between the two of you.
Sex is not something you have to do, but something you have to enjoy and as a highly sensitive person you need that extra. You can practice such a loving contact.
Try to lie lovingly against each other and attune your breathing to each other. If you do this with your eyes closed, your bond will become even stronger.
I am sure that as a highly sensitive person you will feel an intense connection with your partner.
Tip #5 do what you really like
Only try to do what you really enjoy. This may be a little less varied or exciting than you’d like, but the most important thing is that you enjoy sex.
Also keep in mind the wishes of your partner. If you can meet each other in this, you can enjoy each other optimally.