With Aranka, whom I interviewed for my book From Satisfying to Satisfaction , it only became clear when she was already in her 50s. Then the puzzle pieces started to fall into place and show a picture. Her life revolves around trauma.
Pain makes you want to run
In her youth, Aranka suffered from emotional neglect. She did not process this trauma then, but fled into ‘sex, drugs and rock & roll’. As an adult, leaving became a habit. literal. She traveled all over the world, visited many countries and made a three-year trip around the world by bicycle with her partner.
She had various jobs and tried all kinds of jobs. For example, she worked for a number of years as a doctor’s assistant in a hospital. She did administrative work and operations at many different outpatient clinics. “I jumped in where someone had fallen. That position was also appropriately called wandering power.’
A crisis as a chance for a cure
In order to consciously live our mission, we must first break through old patterns. They make us continue on autopilot and not stop to feel. That used to protect you, but now it hinders you to discover what really suits you. You can only find that out by making contact with your deeper desires.
How do you break a deeply ingrained habit that makes you have the same experiences over and over? Because even as an adult Aranka went through traumatic things. “We’ve been through a couple of big forest fires close to our home in Portugal and the second one was especially bad. People, animals and houses have been burned behind our property. It was terrible, but I put my feelings away and kept going.’
A few years later, she had a scooter accident and broke her back in eight places. She was in the hospital for two months and could not move her body. During that time she began to understand. “I saw that this accident was a sign to slow down, go deeper within and listen to my heart’s desire.””
Insight into your trauma brings a turnaround
It wasn’t until Aranka did a Tao Tantric Art training that things really changed. ‘In that group I started talking, looking back and asking questions. I realized I was in survival mode. I met someone who had done a Breath and Trauma Work (BBTRS) training and was very enthusiastic about it and then I started doing that training too. It brought me into contact with my body and I became aware of stored traumas.’
By working with these traumas, she gained insight into the functioning of human reactions to stress. She became increasingly interested in the combination of breath and trauma and the regulation of the nervous system. It even became her passion to help other women with this.
From thinking to feeling
‘I now support women going through the menopause. They come in an unknown process that can create confusion about who you are and bring up old traumas. My own struggle during the transition, going from thinking to feeling, has given me insights. This allows me to help women through the entire process faster.’
It can be, and remain, a challenge not to fall back into the old pattern. That is often so deeply ingrained. Aranka: ‘My challenge is to seek peace. I now do Tai Chi, where you do movements quietly. For a long time I was focused on the external world and I still find the inner world very exciting. I need to be in myself more often and to develop the yin side more, the feminine side: rest and relaxation, the soft side.’