You will be surprised if you pay attention to how often and how much we use the word ‘should’ in our society. Children are tested at the schools: they must meet the standard and the requirements set for their development. The ‘should’ is woven into the whole of education. But we can also do something privately! Just for fun, you can make a list for yourself of what you need to do. Highly sensitive people in particular are avid ‘list-makers’. Just feel how that must-do list makes you feel. I get tired just looking at it… how about you?
If you ‘have to’ yourself, there is a ‘driver’ at the wheel of your life: a ‘judge’ who judges you and what you do. They think that you are not doing well enough or that you can do better. It says that you should do your best and that you should not give up.
Such a booster is called a super-ego. That is an inner voice that has taken the wheel ‘somewhere on the road’ of your life and that indicates the direction of your life. That seems very easy, after all, you don’t have to steer yourself, but the annoying thing is that you drive away from what the wishes of your heart and the wishes of your soul are and what gives you space and peace. The super-ego encourages you to have to and to judge yourself (and often others as well). That doesn’t make you happy and it doesn’t give you energy either!
Time for a new word
“Every time you judge yourself, it breaks your heart.”
If you let this spell work on you, you can be very destructive to yourself in the “should”. Please take a moment as you read this to feel it. But there is hope! And that process of hope starts with the word: allowed. You can, you don’t have to. Just feel that…
Then you take your lists of things you “must” and add to each item: “I can”. And usually, your Super-ego is there like the chickens to make scathing comments again: “Why are you allowed? What nonsense!”
Good to be aware of this voice and to observe what it does and says. Write it down what the Super-ego says about you and what you do or don’t do. Then look at these statements and put a red arrow behind the statement that gives you the most weight. Example: “I have to do my best.” Feel in your body (close your eyes for a moment) what these words do in your body. Does it give you a feeling of heaviness or pressure/tension? Now write down the reverse of the statement that gives you weight: “I do my best or I may do my best, it is not necessary. Or: I do. (nothing else)
Many physical complaints arise from ‘have to’. You impose a certain weight on your body and psyche, which will weigh on you at a given moment. So put your Super-ego in the backseat of your car (or by the side of the road!) and get behind the wheel of your life. You will see that you are again heading more towards the wishes of your heart and soul and that you will be less burdened by the feeling of having to do anything and everything. This gives you a lot of profit: you become happier, you are bursting with energy and you live lighter. Moreover, your creativity will wake up again and you will find that this gives you inspiration.
Yes, wait a minute, says an observant reader, should I now tackle my Super-ego of yours? Then I’m busy with ‘should’ again, right? No, your Super-ego must not leave, it can even stay, but make sure that it is not in the driving seat of your life!