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Are you ready for forgiveness?

We know it’s important to forgive another. But what if you’re not quite ready for forgiveness yet? If you find yourself getting angry just thinking about the other person? Or that an immeasurable sadness presents itself when you think back on the situation? Are you doing something wrong? Well, not necessarily. Plus, there are other ways to let go.

Forgiveness liberates

To be able to evolve further to the fifth dimension, letting go is of great importance. Forgiveness is a form of letting go. This has been propagated by spiritual masters since time immemorial.

Forgiveness frees us from our mental and energetic prison. True forgiveness is forgiveness from the heart. You do not have to be in physical contact with the other person. Allowing forgiveness into yourself is also forgiveness.

Forgiveness from your heart

True forgiveness arises from your feeling. Otherwise you forgive someone else because you think you have to, in order to grow further or for some other reason. When you forgive from the heart, you actually forgive the other.

And therein lies the problem. For our hearts are often still burdened with old pain, old scars. When the heart is healed, forgiveness comes closer. Allowing and letting go of old pain creates space for compassion and forgiveness.

Allow and let go

If you notice that you are not yet ready for forgiveness, it is advisable to examine the feelings that block it.

Did you ever allow the painful feelings associated with the situation? Did you dare to feel the sadness? And the anger at what you experienced? Have you dared to allow it and have you subsequently managed to let it go? By crying, saying out loud how it feels, letting out your anger physically, or expressing it in a creative form.

Allowing painful feelings can be frightening. We may feel as if we are on the brink of an infinitely deep pit when we surrender to these feelings. When you step over this fear step by step and allow your sadness in moments, you discover that the well is not infinite. And that there is also room in the pit for lighting.

When we let go of pain, there is room for acceptance. The situation is as it is, we cannot turn back time and change the other. In acceptance lies liberation from our own mental and energetic prison.

Your pain is maturing

Do you find yourself stuck in anger or sadness? That does not matter. Over time, the anger or sadness will increase. Maybe palpable, maybe beneath the surface because you’ve tucked it away. Anyway, it won’t go away. A new situation will arise that will bring out and magnify this old pain.

With each new experience, the painful feelings increase and with it the need to admit them increases. Just like a ball that you keep under water and that gets bigger and bigger and jumps up due to the pressure. Then the time is right to face your pain and let it go little by little.

You are at the helm

Sometimes we fear that we are exaggerating because we would wallow in self-pity. And that it wasn’t all that bad. And that it has been so long. Moreover, others think that we should get over it, what happened is done.
This is your mind. Listen to your emotions. If the sadness is still in you, it is healing to do something with it.

There is a difference between wallowing and admitting pain. Consciously evoking and admitting the painful feelings to the event is a constructive process in which you are at the helm.

In contrast to wallowing in self-pity, in which you are almost unwillingly swept along in the current of your grief.


As you have released more old pain, it is up to you to be aware of your willingness to forgive. How attached are you to the old pain? And your belief that the other is ‘bad’?

Sometimes we have a part in the situation ourselves and there is a logical consequence. This cause is different from ‘blame’. Guilt implies that you have brought disaster upon you and that you are not allowed to complain afterwards. More often there is incapacity. In adultery, for example, the inability to bond emotionally with the other often plays a role. Both by the adulterer himself and by the other.
Also, examine your willingness to be honest with yourself.

Insight and (self) compassion

When you notice that part of the cause is also with you, it is important to forgive yourself . Look at it honestly and honestly and learn from it. Understanding and self-compassion are keys to forgiveness.

In other cases, there is much less self-blame. Especially if we grew up in a problematic family as children. In these situations, insight and, later on, compassion are also keys to forgiveness. Seeing (energetically) the inability and limitations of the other are steps that precede this. Here too, the question is to what extent you are willing to see and let go of the deeper causes.

Give yourself time

Forgiveness is a process and takes time. We find that difficult, as humans we are mainly focused on the short term.

In addition, we keep reading that forgiveness is important. That’s true, but don’t despair if you don’t succeed (yet).

Acceptance of yourself and your process is important and it won’t help you beat yourself up. To expect of yourself “that you should have gotten over this already” or that you should forgive the other now.

Let go of the need to forgive. This creates space for your further development and there is a good chance that you will be able to forgive at a later time.

A broader view of forgiveness

After writing this article, I experienced a situation around forgiveness in a session with a client.

Sometimes forgiveness for the soul development of the other is not the solution that leads to the most growth. Besides forgiveness, there are also other ways to let go. That came up in the session.

In this session, the client made contact with his deceased parents. He had previously uncovered a family secret that led him to live his entire life in a lie. This discovery was shocking on the one hand, but on the other he had unconsciously felt it all his life. It hurt him that his parents had never told him the truth, but he understood the rationale behind it.

He was eager to forgive his parents so that everyone could evolve further on a soul level.
Vader turned out, also in the other dimension, to have a lot of trouble with the fact that he had kept the truth hidden all those years.

He was very aware of the impact this had had on his son’s life. It was energetically palpable that he still had a heavy heart. The fact that his son could forgive him was healing. A burden was lifted from him. The secret no longer stood between them.

The son was willing to forgive mother too. But the energetic contact with mother was very different from the loving contact with father. Mother was still angry with life, angry with her son and absolutely unwilling and unable to look at her own part. There was certainly no willingness to face and acknowledge her son’s pain.

The son came to the conclusion that he could not forgive her at this time. Not from his heart, as father did. He did feel her struggle and he had compassion for her.

In these kinds of situations, the All, the Source, can offer a solution by offering help to mother. For both mother and son, forgiveness was not the best solution at this point. It would confirm mother in her pattern of feeling victimized and not taking responsibility for her life. Mother needed a development of the realization that to a large extent we create our own reality. And that we are all capable of this with our inner strength.

The son asked the All to help Mother and Mother was willing to accept this help. There was a lightness in the contact between mother and son. The son was freed from the energetic burden of mother and mother noticed that there was help to support her in her process.

During the session a process was started and a few days later the son still managed to forgive his mother .


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