Do you nostalgically think back to the time when your relationship felt so good?
Do you feel that there is not much left of that ‘match made in heaven’ and do you actually feel unhappy in your relationship?
This could mean that you are unhappy in your relationship. But of course we don’t want this!
Read on and find out how to solve this! if are you unhappy in your relationship.
Purpose of this article: I don’t want you to be unhappy in your relationship. That is why in this article I will introduce you to some signals that may indicate this. I would also like to give you some tips to deal with that unhappy feeling.
Signs that you are unhappy in your relationship
Every relationship has ups and downs, but in a relationship with someone with a narcissistic personality, negative feelings arise much more often.
After all, a narcissist is very demanding and that can put a lot of pressure on your relationship.
It is not always easy to find out if you are indeed unhappy in your relationship. Maybe you’re just going through a rough patch. Perhaps there is something more going on and you are no longer feeling happy for many other reasons.
If you and your partner have been together for a while, it is quite normal for annoyances to arise.
Both big discussions (such as how much money you spend per month) and small discussions (it’s always my turn to take out the trash) can crop up after a while.
It is also quite normal to be annoyed by the behavior of a narcissistic partner at times.
If your partner is putting himself in the spotlight for the umpteenth time, you may not like this.
And that lying really doesn’t make you happy either.
Your partner would have gone through fire for you before, but now he seems to do everything out of self-interest and minimize your feelings.
It’s perfectly normal to feel unhappy about certain aspects of your relationship from time to time.
After all, happiness is a relative concept and just like life, relationships also have highs and lows.
If you are wondering if you are indeed unhappy in your relationship or if it is just a phase you are going through, keep an eye out for the following signs:
Maintaining a relationship where you feel unhappy is unhealthy in the long run.
These feelings of unhappiness can affect your self- esteem , reducing your confidence and quality of life.
Perhaps your partner has narcissistic sides and that is why your relationship is not going so well. It is not always that easy to recognize a narcissist. There is also such a thing as covert narcissism .
You probably know the feeling of being “stuck” in your relationship.
The easiest option is of course to end it.
But since you’re reading this article right now, chances are you don’t actually want to do this.
Not feeling happy in your relationship anymore does not mean that you no longer love your partner.
Tips if you are unhappy in a relationship
1. Look for external causes
Have you ever considered that the feeling of unhappiness in your relationship may have a deeper cause?
You don’t want your daughter to cycle to school and you struggle to get her to school. Your husband has to take the train to work because you need the car. You are at the school gate on time, so you also have to work a late shift. And your husband has to be home in time so he can put your daughter to bed.
Your husband thinks you are exaggerating and criticizes your organization. You feel abandoned and you feel like he doesn’t appreciate what you’re doing.
You project your own feelings onto your partner which makes you feel unhappy in your relationship. This is not abnormal because your partner is closest to you emotionally and physically.
However, such a projection of feelings can lead to irritation and make you feel unhappy in your relationship.
Other possible external causes are loneliness, financial worries or stress .
2. Talk about these external causes
Once you’ve discovered the root cause, talk about it with your partner.
For example, if money worries are the problem, be honest about this.
If parenting is difficult for you – as in the example above – raise it.
Your partner may also be concerned about this, but may be dealing with it in a very different way.
Who knows, he may come up with a better solution that will make you feel happier in your relationship.
Stan Tatkin in TEDx discusses why relationships can sometimes be so difficult:
3. Evaluate What Makes You Unhappy in Your Relationship
If there is no external factor, evaluate what really makes you unhappy.
Are you no longer able to communicate openly? Do you no longer feel an emotional connection? Can’t find support from your partner anymore? Are you annoyed by his financial habits? Does your partner criticize too much? Please be as specific as possible.
You think it is important that everything is neatly arranged in your home. Your partner comes home from work, takes his food out of the microwave, and leaves his empty plate and dirty cutlery on the coffee table. He asks you to get a beer while he is stretched out on the couch. According to you, the house is cluttered again and you feel unappreciated.
You now know where the problem lies: feeling unappreciated.
The next step will be to communicate with your partner why this is making you so unhappy.
4. Write down your feelings and communicate with your partner
Write down your feelings. The clearer your feelings are to yourself, the more clearly you can discuss this with your partner.
Respect is rule number 1 in a conversation. Choose your words carefully and avoid blaming your partner right away.
It is especially important that you make your feelings known.
With ‘I feel’ you communicate much more openly than with ‘you always act or you never act…’
Keep in mind that a narcissistic partner can become defensive if you talk about how you feel and minimize your feelings.
Remember that you are not responsible for his or her emotions.
5. Be thankful for everything that makes you happy
At a certain point it is difficult to see what makes you happy in your relationship.
You become so focused on all the negative feelings that you get caught up in a cycle of negativity.
Concentrating on this will make you feel even more unhappy. Also consider the positive aspects of your relationship.
Your partner may criticize the day-to-day organization to pick up your daughter from school, but he does take over certain tasks from you.
Focus on what works in your relationship and not on the problems.
6. Don’t try to change your partner
Think about what attracted you to your partner at the beginning of your relationship. He or she probably had a number of flaws that you didn’t object to at the time. So why now?
Of course, it is quite possible that your partner has changed over the course of your relationship.
Especially with narcissistic partners, their true nature only comes to the surface after a while. In the beginning, a narcissist overloads you with attention. In time, though, he wants all the attention focused on him.
You may not like to hear it, but changing your narcissistic partner really doesn’t work!
It is also not easy to enter into a conversation with a narcissistic partner. Their biggest fear is that they will be exposed and that their ego will get a big dent as a result.
Realize very well that a narcissist almost never looks for the fault in himself and there is no point in going against this.
7. Spend Time Together
When you feel unhappy in your relationship, you tend to build a wall around you.
You are so disappointed or feel so criticized that you don’t want to be hurt any more. That is a normal reaction to protect yourself.
To become happy in your relationship again, you will have to open up a little more to your partner and break down that wall.
Spend time together and use that time to check if you are still on the same page.
8. Make time for romance
Does your partner no longer give you positive energy? Does he often criticize? Does he claim all the attention? I fully understand that romance is the last thing on your mind.
My advice: if you want to feel happier in your relationship, make time for this.
According to psychotherapist Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D. , specializing in personality disorders such as narcissism and affiliated with the New York Institute for Gestalt Therapy, narcissists can be quite romantic and appreciate it.
Nothing keeps couples together more than romance.
A surprise every now and then can breathe new life into your relationship. If you are not in the daily grind for a while, you can get to know your partner again in a different way.
What should you do if you are no longer happy in a relationship?
A relationship should make you happy. That’s the point, right?
If you feel unhappy in your relationship it is very confusing, frustrating and painful.
Ask yourself how it got to this point.
Has your partner changed over the years? Have you changed during your relationship?
Finding out exactly where things went wrong and where that unhappy feeling comes from is a first step to become happy again.
How do you become happy in a relationship again?
If you feel unhappy in your relationship, it is important not to keep your feelings to yourself.
Bottling up all negative feelings inevitably leads to even more frustration.
If you experience feelings of doubt and if you feel unhappy, list everything clearly for yourself.
The next step is to talk to your partner about what makes you unhappy.
What is happiness in a relationship?
It’s not easy to define “happy” in a relationship.
Not only is every relationship different, but also within a relationship happiness is very personal for everyone.
For some, happiness means living without conflict. For others, happiness consists of having fun together or emotional connection.
Happiness in your relationship is proportional to your personal expectations, desires and needs.
How do you know you’re not happy anymore?
Sometimes the distinction between feeling unhappy in your relationship and just going through a bad period with your partner isn’t always clear.
A dip in a relationship is not uncommon at all.
However, it is very important to see if your negative feelings are overshadowing the good things.
If the frequency and duration of the feeling of “unhappyness” in your relationship increases, then there is more to it.