Never the old again
When my therapist told me I would never be the same again, I didn’t pay much attention to her words at first. That might have been the case with her, but I’d be back to my old self in no time.
I have no idea why I insisted on going back to the pleasing , perfectionistic version of myself that was completely attuned to the expectations of others and completely ignoring her own limits and desires, but that was the only version I knew.
The new version
The old or ‘pre-burnout’ version of myself basically just burned out. My luck was that at that moment I was so empty that I had no energy to oppose this process. I fought less and less and accepted more and more, letting go was my salvation, while I feared it would be my downfall. Before I knew it, a new version of me was in her infancy, ready to grow!
The children’s shoes have since been exchanged for a larger size. At the moment I have the feeling that I am in the puberty shoes of the new version of myself, so I again feel the urge to rebel, to rebel against the systems that have saddled me with so many untruths and liberties.
I especially feel powerless because the social conditioning that has hindered me from being myself for years also prevents so many others from living their fullest potential, from putting the best version of themselves into the world.
“The society is afraid of your wild nature, it is afraid of your naturalness, so from the very beginning it starts cutting your wings”. Osho
To each his own pace
Although I would like to wake up everyone personally, I realize that everyone has their own pace to respect and their own lessons to learn, and that you can’t make the awakening process go faster than it is going. This means that by saying yes to my own transformation process, I increasingly have to say no to others. With my excellent radar for other people’s needs, this is not always easy.
say yes to yourself
Saying yes to myself means that I let the new version of myself grow into a balanced adult who embraces her individuality and lives her own truth. I have to make sure that I continue to give myself the right ingredients to continue growing – a fertile environment that is free of parasites, enough space, no overgrowth influences and a healthy dose of food – and that I remain sufficiently in touch with my own roots .
“ A tree with strong roots laughs at storms .” Malay proverb
Just like nature
Nature is a great source of inspiration for me, especially the symbolism of the seasons. I view the period that preceded my burnout as the autumn in my life, it was accompanied by a lot of letting go and saying goodbye, with standing naked in my vulnerability;
I compare my burnout itself with a winter, on the surface nothing happened, but in the depths and completely in the dark new seeds germinated, which prepared themselves to grow towards the light.
It feels a bit like a burnout woke me up from a long, long hibernation. It is wonderful to be in a spring season, where you seem to experience everything for the first time and look at the world with new eyes. During this phase, self-development and recreating my life are of the highest priority.
But every beginning is fragile and spring showers can seriously spoil the growing pleasure during the spring. I use spring showers to symbolize the projected fears of others that can slow down your process.
To the light
Growing is always looking for balance, celebrating the good days and learning to embrace the less good days. Reassure yourself, take your fear by the hand and continue to walk in confidence on the road to the light. Because no matter how dark and menacing the clouds may sometimes seem, the sun always shines above them.