Awareness Insights: learning to deal with perfectionism

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Awareness Insights: learning to deal with perfectionism

Perfectionists are actually very unkind to themselves. They run on and on and don’t listen to their own needs. What happens when they step on the brakes “I learned to be nicer to myself – I became my best friend.” This article shares insights with you.

If I don’t take my own feelings seriously, how can I expect anyone else to?

For years I wore a mask. I was a good student, a friend with advice (which I never followed myself), the girl who always had a smile on her face in the outside world. No one really knew how I was doing. Exhausting. So it’s time to do something about it, but what? I share some insights and tips: on how to deal with perfectionism.

Table of Contents

Take yourself seriously

The most important thing I’ve done: is step on the brakes and start acknowledging my feelings. I was always really good at downplaying it. “Ah, there are people who have it much worse.” Or: ‘You have no reason to feel this way or ‘Keep it up!’. I was very unkind to myself.

But if I don’t take my own feelings seriously, how can I expect anyone else to? I realized there was another way and changed course. I started to listen to myself and put my personal development first. I learned to look from a different perspective and discovered how I could deal with situations differently. I learned to be nicer to myself – I became my best friend.

Rate yourself

Awareness Insights: learning to deal with perfectionism

I derived my self-esteem from what I had accomplished or, worse, from the amount of work I did. I was stuck in the vicious circle of the ‘if…. then’-thinking. “If I reach that target, I can celebrate.” Or: ‘When those tasks are finished, I can take a rest and do something fun.’ I worked from push energy, instead of letting beautiful things come my way effortlessly.

I didn’t want that anymore, so I started being extremely kind to myself, even if I didn’t finish my tasks, for example. There is only one person in the world who can give you exactly what you need. That’s you! Dare to give yourself things. You will see that it gets easier and easier.

Put yourself first

Your self-esteem should not depend on others. For years I took care of others, I was always there for them. Without expecting anything in return. I always thought: as long as I’m kind to people, everything will be fine. I forgot my own needs. As I started making choices based on my needs more often, I sometimes had to disappoint people, which made me sad. Especially when there were comments from my environment about it. For me that was a real test: how important do I think of myself? How loyal do I want to be to myself?

Let go of control

Awareness Insights: learning to deal with perfectionism

I liked being in control because I didn’t have confidence in myself. Could I handle whatever came my way? And could I cope with an outcome that was very different from what I had envisioned? But you can’t control everything. What do you have an influence on? On your own thoughts, your own feelings, and your own actions. Sometimes I feel so involved with someone else that I sometimes forget…

Five tips: seek support

I asked for help, no matter how difficult it was for me. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. By daring to ask for support and letting people help me, I was able to let go of my perfectionism. Now that I’ve learned to deal with it, I can enjoy it much more. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be happy.

  1. See yourself through the eyes of your best friend. What would he/she say or how would he/she deal with this?
  2. Dare to ask for support. You really don’t have to do it alone! Other people have different perspectives, which can help you put things into perspective.
  3. Try to discover: where does my perfectionism come from? Dare to ask yourself critical questions and write down your findings. Being aware is the first step to growth.
  4. Do the very thing that doesn’t feel right, as long as it comes from a place of love. If you find it difficult to rest, do it anyway! Don’t you give yourself that massage? Book him!
  5. Write your successes Then you find out that you are doing quite well. And celebrate your successes: consider what you have done or have achieved.

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