Being truly happy #1: How do I deal with my emotions?

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Being truly happy #1: How do I deal with my emotions?

When I went into acute depression in 2018 due to an unexpected love break, my world collapsed. Then – after a period of complete self-pity and leaning on friends – my new mission was to be happy again. The topic of happiness has now become a passion that got out of hand and I’ve turned it into my business. Because following your passion and earning money with it is of course a dream come true!

I call myself a student of life. Happiness in life to be exact. I read, study, watch documentaries, and have conversations, but what I mainly do is self-examination. I dive into the world of my mind and observe thoughts, feelings, habits, fears, patterns, and beliefs. In short: everything has to do with our inner world. Only to conclude over the years that your inner and outer world are inextricably linked. But more about that in a future blog.

I would like to talk to you about the question that we probably ask each other the most every day

“How are you?” Three guesses what the most frequently mentioned answer is. Right, indeed: “Good!” And then quickly ask the question in return: “And with you?” Sometimes the answer is a little more telling, namely: “Okay, busy! And with you?” I have a lot of problems with both this question and the answer.

First of all, it’s a damn hard question to answer how you’re really doing. How often do you connect with your deepest core throughout the day? How often are you completely clear about what you feel, and what is going on in your inner world? Then we immediately come to the second problem with this question: does what you feel determined how you are doing? Emotions are constantly changing, they come and go, just like your thoughts. They also influence each other and cannot be seen separately from each other.

Feel real

Being truly happy #1: How do I deal with my emotions?

In addition, there are a lot of problems hidden in the answer. Because there is hardly time to ‘feel’ how you are doing, we habitually say that we are doing well. It becomes more of a small talk than breaking the ice and moving on to more ‘important’ things. Real involvement in how someone is doing is hard to find.

Are we still really interested in the other? And do we still dare to share with each other how we feel when it has become so normal to give a certain reaction? How often does it happen that someone asks you how you’re doing and you answer: “Well, pretty bad actually, and for these reasons…” The person who asked you how you’re doing isn’t always waiting for this. Or worse, we tell ourselves that the other person is not waiting for us to moan and reject ourselves.

 

Slave to our living conditions

Being truly happy #1: How do I deal with my emotions?

If we even think about how we are doing, and we express this to each other, we usually base our response on our living conditions. We can quickly make an inner scan of our lives: if everything is going well and we are satisfied, we answer that everything is going well: we have everything under control. But as soon as something happens in life that we are not waiting for, the answer can be: could be better.

We are actually slaves to our living conditions. This is mainly resistance to what is there. We form an inner judgment: we judge something as negative or positive, desirable or undesirable. Everything we reject in our lives in this way stands in the way of our potential for real happiness. Because we judge something, we attach an emotion to it. We also have certain beliefs about how we want to be and what our lives look like. What would happen if you let go of these beliefs and judgments about yourself and how your life should be?

I am not my emotions

Beneath all these learned layers of beliefs and judgments that shape our thoughts and emotions is our core. Who we really are. As I said before, thoughts and emotions come and go. Happiness is a need for all of us. We are only too eager to do what makes us happy. Because of our focus on pleasurable ’emotions’, we also experience emptiness when these short-lived pleasures are over. We become addicted to pleasure, which we also confuse with happiness.

Yes, I didn’t say it wasn’t complicated, but we constantly deceive ourselves into mistaking our thoughts and emotions for our true selves. My intensive years of self-examination have baffled me: I can cling to a thought, but it always disappears. I can cling to emotion and identify with it, but it disappears again. I am not my emotions. During my many meditations and retreats, I come to the same conclusion every time: beyond my emotions lies true happiness. It is a feeling of deep peace with myself and all that is. It is inner peace and calm in every situation that life presents to me. An inexhaustible source of love from the heart.

 

Love for every emotion

Being truly happy #1: How do I deal with my emotions?

Because emotions come and go, both the pleasant and the unpleasant, and the love from the heart is always available, I have trained myself to observe and allow each emotion. This has been a trial and error process because I became aware of my tendency to avoid painful emotions! This is part of the protection of our ‘ego’: the self-image based on the layers of thoughts, emotions, beliefs, fears, etc.

I became aware of this tendency to flee, wanting to get away from the pain, and I asked myself: What is the worst that can happen if I endure this pain? So when I feel pain or anxiety, I slow down and ask myself what I need right now. Let what wants to be felt be there. Crying, laughing, discomfort and uncertainty.

I say to every emotion, “Ha! How nice that you are here. I send you to love!” You will understand that over time the emotional eating became less. The new remedy is to put my hand on my heart, be still and say YES to everything that happens inside. Automatically this also results in saying YES to life: accepting every situation that comes and looking at it with love. Because of how you deal with your inner world, you also deal with the outer world.

Let the love flow!

You can let yourself be taken along on the rollercoaster of your emotions, but you can also look at these emotions from a distance through the glasses of love, trust, and acceptance. This increases your happiness in life and has really been a total eye-opener for me in my search for happiness!

There are many ways to open your heart, because when you open your heart you gain access to the inexhaustible flow of love: For yourself and for life. Looking from softness allows you to feel gratitude and happiness, every day. It all depends on how you deal with situations and with yourself.

It has become my life mission to guide others in their process towards a life based on happiness and love. This often starts with gentleness and love for yourself and seeing through the beliefs that hinder your happiness and freedom. I am currently specializing in women because they naturally have the gift of acting from their emotional world and intuition. I work with an inward focus on the one hand and an outward focus on the other because your inner world reflects your outer world.

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