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Break through your old patterns in 6 steps!

Patterns or blockages such as a too great sense of responsibility, fear of losing control, lack of self-confidence, pleasing behavior, worrying, not daring to indicate your limits, indecision, emotional shut-down, conflict-avoiding behaviour, fleeing behavior or frustrations are challenging to let go.

Do you feel that you are stuck in your limiting patterns? And are you aware that these patterns are holding you back from creating the life you truly desire? In this article I will take you through how you can break your old patterns in 6 steps.

You probably know it. You grow up and learn how things ‘should’ be. You take this as your truth, because then you know what you can and cannot do. You grow up and you go through situations. Situations that come your way, where you experience emotions. The emotions are labeled in your brain.

Think of the label ‘danger’ in combination with the feeling you are experiencing at that moment. Every time you experience a situation that resembles this, an extra label is added to your mind. Your mind stores this and when a situation similar to it arises, you react from a pattern and before you know it a defense mechanism has arisen.


If one day you decide to reverse your old patterns, it takes courage and guts to break them. You have a good intention, you feel good and before you know it you will fall back into your old pitfall if a situation unexpectedly arises. Your motivation is immediately below par. How do you break that vicious circle?

Ten years ago I went to live on my own. I was grateful that after my relationship ended, I could start over and organize my life the way I wanted to. That was easier said than done. Every day the old patterns, defense mechanisms and even new blocks emerged. This was the moment to go all the way in depth for myself and this created the 6 steps to bend old patterns into new behavior.

In 6 steps to break your old patterns and do what you want.
You can always apply these 6 steps and you can always start again at step 1 if necessary.

1. First of all, recognize your behavioral patterns and your biggest distractors

It all starts with becoming aware of your behavioral patterns and the patterns you would like to let go of. Think of fears, closing emotionally or changing the learned behavior of your parents. If you zoom in further on this, what is the reason that distracts you from not breaking these patterns?

Think of beliefs such as: I can’t do it? Who’s waiting for me? Or are you, for example, lived by the issues of the day? Or are you distracted by social media and maybe your inner saboteur is playing into it, because you don’t want to miss anything? These are examples of distractors that keep you out of your true potential to do what you really want.

2. Become aware of how often you apply your hindering behavior pattern

Once you have become aware of the distractors, make sure you make time for yourself and have quiet moments for yourself. In the silence you can zoom in on your old patterns and become aware of the situations in which you apply the old patterns. If you know where your old pattern comes from, you can break it more easily for yourself.

3. What ideas and thoughts do you say to yourself and tell yourself?

If you have clear for yourself in which situations you use your old patterns, you can zoom in on which thoughts you are saying to yourself at that moment. Possibly these are patterns that have arisen from your youth,

on which you have fixed beliefs that arose when you were 6 years old, which you still act on in the now, for example at your 40th year . Are these thoughts correct, where do they come from and what are you telling yourself?

4. What feeling comes up in your thoughts?

When you become aware of these thoughts, zoom in on what feeling these thoughts bring up. Imagine Jasmijn thinking about her job and her dominant supervisor. She thinks: Oh dear, soon he will have another attack.

Then I don’t do it right again and I can forget about the promotion again this year. The emotions that Jasmijn feels here are nerves and tension. Jasmine has procrastination because she is more focused on the thought rather than the action that might get her promoted.

5. How would you like to feel?

Determine for yourself how you want to feel in a situation. Jasmine has no control over the example above. She doesn’t know if her supervisor wants to promote her. She can change her feelings and take targeted action, so that she stands out positively to her supervisor. This makes Jasmine feel less nervous before the interview.

6. What action can you take to break your pattern?

Because of her positive thoughts, Jasmijn manages to proactively show actions based on her personal development. In any case, this makes her stand out from her manager and she has an initial meeting with her manager to, for example, have a better chance of a promotion next time.

How do you avoid getting into a vicious circle?
Every day I receive requests for help from people to turn around old patterns and pitfalls. Especially if they are sensitive and an older soul. The core problems then always come from past lives.

Even though you have learned the lessons in this life, you can still experience hindrance from the energy from the previous lives. This is expressed in the fact that people themselves cannot break the vicious circle. If that energy is taken away, it will no longer bother you.


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