We talk a lot about one aspect, of course, but that one aspect is essential to healing trauma, healing collective trauma, and much of our human development.
Numbness is a place that gets hit again and again
First, much of the numbness we are currently experiencing is triggered by things we are currently experiencing. We are touching parts of our prior development that are currently numb. The numbness usually started much earlier in our lives, after which later experiences often confirm and reinforce that numbness. Or there is re-traumatization that makes the discharge and numbness worse. So today when I experience something with a person, a situation at work, in our culture or I read a news story, I hit an already numb place.
It’s not that I’m numb today and something overwhelming happens to me today: usually, the spot that is already overwhelmed is hit. And by working on my inner self I can develop a more precise way of consciousness so that when I notice when I am numb. That’s really important. Numbness is not anything.
Numbness is an active process
Numbness is an active process of not feeling. That means numbness needs energy. It’s like your fridge. If I ask you what your refrigerator is doing right now, the refrigerator or freezer is making food cold. It takes energy to keep it cold. The numb parts in myself are dissociated parts. Dissociating takes energy, it is not our natural state. Our natural state is being connected to life.
At this point, we are dissociated or an ancestral transition of that dissociation has already been initiated. That is, we are actively engaged in not feeling.
Feeling and perceiving is our natural state. Not feeling or feeling separate takes energy. It is an energy-consuming process. That is important: it is an action, not a state of being. That is the difference between spatiality or spiritual emptiness and dissociation: We are sometimes not aware of both, but they are two completely different states: With one a lot is done, with the other there is no action. They are two different things.
What happens to me inside when I feel numb
Let’s say something at work or in my life has triggered me and when I want to look at it at home and take a look at myself, I can’t control my emotions and feel like I’m not a part of it of my body. If I stay with that feeling of not feeling and can encounter myself exactly in not feeling, my consciousness merges with that process.
Not feeling is nothing. It’s something, activity in my nervous system that has been rejected. Therefore it looks like something else: it looks like numbness but the numbness is moment after moment after moment: Numb, numb, numb… that is numbness.
Allow feeling again, step by step
If I know how to numb myself then I’ll stop because I probably don’t need it right now. In the past I needed it.
The moment I become one with the process of numbness, I bring light into that part of my body so that a whole network can become active again and I start feeling. And then comes the emotional release because that’s when I go from not feeling to feeling what I’ve turned off my sense of.
So an emotion. So I suddenly reconnect with my emotional experience. Maybe I feel fear, shame, sadness. Or I feel joy if I had turned that feeling off. At that moment I feel that I am more in touch with myself. I recognize another part of my body. I send consciousness and absorbed light to that part of my body. I have turned numbness or numbness into active feeling and embodiment. I’m more in my body now.