Monday, February 6, 2023
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Consciousness does not mean knowing, but BEING.

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Do you ever hear a thought in your head about how to do something? Sometimes when I’m doing something I really enjoy and feel very much at home in, like cooking, I sometimes find myself thinking out loud the next step, even though I already know what I want to do. It took me a while to understand that this apparently helpful voice is fear of failure . I mean, do you need someone to tell you what you already know?

I’ve been cooking since I was seven. When I cook I usually enjoy the process. I don’t think much. It’s my time to ground. To be in my body and with my feelings. Being creative. And if I cook for others and do so with all my heart, according to my guests, it usually tastes great.

But if I quickly and mechanically prepare exactly the same recipe a week later without putting all my heart into it, it really doesn’t taste as good according to the test panel. In short, the more I am present in my heart in the moment, the higher the quality.… Then why the mind that tells me what to do?

Well, that’s how I learned it. At school and in our society, the emphasis is on collecting knowledge, on knowing. Do with your head. To perform. You have to live up to expectations, and you can do it right or wrong. And that’s how you measure yourself against others.

As a result, you can quickly set high standards for yourself, and if you don’t meet them, you can start to think negatively about yourself and perform worse. We call that fear of failure. And I had that as a child. Getting knowledge from books was easy for me , not of that. It just didn’t suit me at all.

I felt that then, but I didn’t understand why. I thought it was just me.I left high school in the innocent, naive, and unconscious hope that if I went to college, maybe I would receive a truly high-class education, lovingly and wisely.

I studied exactly two weeks before I left disappointed never to come back. And I’ve been ashamed of myself for exactly 10 years. Because someone with my IQ is supposed to study, and later studied for his good job. That’s how we do it in the Netherlands. I eventually got the good jobs thanks to my intuition, and that helped me to be less strict about myself. Not so through the lens of society.

Until I finally understood that in me it works exactly the opposite of what we do in society. I gain my knowledge by being present in my heart and in the moment. Feeling and knowing by being. Not by doing.

So these days, when my mind tells me what to do, whatever, I know I’m not in the moment and I go back to my heart, knowing everything instantly. It doesn’t program what comes, but senses what comes. For consciousness does not mean knowing, but BEING.

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