Let me tell you a secret about men…
But only if you can handle it of course.
Are you sitting upright in your chair?
Here comes the secret…
Men are jokes
So, the high word is out.
Why are you asking me?
There are many Crystal Clear Reasons Why Men Lie.
That’s why I teach you in this article:
- How he straightens everything that ‘s crooked (to you and in his own head)
- The going first principle ; you give him a feeling that no one else can give him
- What lies come from love
- What we can learn from the birds of paradise about men who lie
- And a whole lot more…
Look, most men don’t like to lie
It’s not like men get together once a year to discuss all the lies they’re going to tell their wives this year…
At least, I’ve never been invited to it ;).
If that does happen in the future, I will of course let you know right away what they discuss there…
Anyway, most men don’t want to lie.
Now I hear you think;
Yes well, I once met a man who sucked one lie after another from his thumb.
Yep, there are people on this planet who lie at each other their whole lives.
Those are the exceptions.
Unfortunately, some women are completely paranoid towards their husbands.
They are obsessed with the fact that he might be lying about something.
Often this mindset is fueled by idiotic articles such as:
“1001 signs that he is lying, because he does lie anyway”
No one on this planet is always 100% honest.
It is unfair to yourself and others to say that you are ALWAYS honest with everyone.
You ask me why men in general lie more than women?
I’ll tell you how this came about…
#1 He wants to eat from both sides
In most cases, men lie because they can’t choose between two things.
If I lie about this, I can do what I want to do at a and what I want to do at b.
Suppose a woman asks him: are you looking for a relationship?
Then he thinks the following:
She won’t want to come home with me if I say I don’t want to.
Now he has a choice to make.
He can tell the truth. Which in this case might mean he’s saying, I don’t want a relationship. I’m not looking for that at all.
But you see, this isn’t going to get him any sexy times with her.
If he chooses to be vague about it, by saying:
I don’t know exactly what I want. You never know how life will turn out
or lie straight-faced about his intentions (I know, what a sack…)
Yes, you seem nice, this could turn into something,
then he has sex.
What he achieves with this is that he obtains both outcomes. He has sex with her and then retains his freedom to do as he pleases.
This is a reason that cannot be justified.
That’s why you always want to check his intentions. Please keep these bad guys out.
#2 It helps prevent drama
Lying sometimes helps to avoid a lot of fuss about a minor incident. An incident that is completely irrelevant in the big picture of life .
The emotional drama that something can create does not outweigh not telling it.
That’s why he sweeps it under the rug like that.
A man does n’t want drama
Many men are easy going. If something happens that we don’t think is important, we just shrug it off.
If not telling a fairly harmless thing can save him a lot of drama, he’ll keep it to himself. Especially if he knows that the truth will cause him drama.
I’m certainly not trying to justify that men do this.
Having an honest, open relationship is something I see as the highest good in life.
Many other people would agree with that.
On a rational level, if we feel good, we will all say this. And we mean it.
Only there is such a thing as human nature .
People (men and women) want to make life simple.
Our ancestors had to conserve energy to survive in a time of food scarcity.
The effort required by an action that did not produce immediate results could jeopardize their survival.
Our brains still want to make life easy. Not heavier.
That is why we often choose the easy way out.
So men are just people
Solving relationship problems is another option.
#3 He tries to spare you negative feelings
We hate to disappoint a woman.
As soon as we are stared at by large watery eyes, our man heart melts. It can sometimes be easier to lie than to tell the truth.
A man tries to spare you bad feelings. No one intends any harm. It takes a strong personality to always be honest.
For example, if a man ends the relationship with the tune of:
“It’s not you, it’s me”
he does not do this with malicious intent. He knows it hurts you to tell the truth.
If you are sad about an argument with a friend, he can comfort you.
It feels different for him if he is the source of the sadness and also wants to be the shoulder on which you can cry.
The last thing he wants is to be the source of the pain HIMSELF.
No man wants to see someone he cares about suffer.
For example, it can happen in a relationship that he does not always speak out about the things that he finds annoying. Sometimes you can sense this by looking closely at his reaction.
Does he react differently than usual?
Then it may just be that there is more behind it.
Discuss this openly with him. Don’t judge him, don’t get angry. And make it clear to him that you know he wants the best for you.
Only if that is clear to him will he dare to be open.
#4 He wants to impress you
There is a lot of competition in the men’s market. As soon as we find a woman that we want to pick up, we want to make a good impression!
As a result, certain facts are sometimes exaggerated…
A little lie about how good he is at football won’t hurt, he’ll think.
Men want to impress women they find attractive.
It’s in the nature of the beast. We see this everywhere in nature.
Just look at how much effort the birds of paradise go to to impress their mate.
Is he unable to make a good impression on you?
Then he doesn’t feel like a real man. He wo n’t feel good enough for you.
This leads to lies about how tough he is. He will keep a mask on. Trying to pretend to be big.
Take this as a compliment. He tries to pretend to be bigger because he wants to impress you. He can’t take it if you just think he’s a wimp.
You want to show him that you accept him for who he is.
Not to pretend to be what he’s trying to do.
Then I’m talking about how he really is. The man he is when the spotlight (your attention) isn’t on him.
Which brings us to the next…
#5 He wants to appear confident
Most men have a totally absent-minded view of self-confidence.
We grow up in a time when self-confidence equals being tough.
Unfortunately, many men think it has to do with:
- Don’t show emotions.
- Have a big ego.
- Be better than others.
As soon as anything happens you hear all the men shouting in unison:
‘Don’t let them walk all over you’
That’s what we get thrown at us every day from other ‘macho’ men.
These are guys who impose a false image of the confident man on other men .
This is the lesson the current man needs, but no one tells him
Pure self-assurance has nothing to do with being a macho man.
It may be that a macho man has pure self-assurance, but not every man who is self-assured in a pure way has to be a macho.
You can see it like this:
Every cow is an animal, but not every animal is a cow.
Pure self-assurance is this:
You are less interested in the perception that other people have of you than in your own perception of yourself.
You live life based on your values.
Not on the values imposed on you by other people.
This is what a man needs to know if he wants to be honest with you. He must be confident enough.
He must be confident enough of himself to dare to expose himself. This is scary because he doesn’t know if you still want him.
This gives a man more shivers than the thought that the world’s supply of beer is running out (which is terrifying for us :O ).
A man finds it terrifying to make himself vulnerable
Most men think that vulnerability has to do with being a slack . Someone who has no backbone.
Nothing is less true.
Making yourself vulnerable means that you are not afraid to express your own personality. Vulnerability means putting yourself in a position where you can be rejected.
Telling a joke that others may not like.
Having an opinion that others disagree with.
Or exposing yourself to a woman who may reject you…
All these things require him to stick his neck out. He can be rejected .
That’s why many men try to put on the act of being confident.
What you want to do is make yourself vulnerable first. By which I do not mean that you turn into a weakling, but dare to talk about fears you have. Show the back of your tongue.
We call this the going first principle .
You want to be the first to show vulnerability. Of course in a confident way.
It means that, should it come up, you can talk openly about your weaknesses or fears.
It shows that you are comfortable with this. That this is okay. This will make him feel safe with you.
Because you show that it’s okay to be vulnerable, he will lower his shield.
This is not only good for the relationship. It’s also addictive for him.
He doesn’t have to worry about “seeing confident enough” around you.
That’s a feeling no one else can give him.
#6 Avoiding discussions (we think we are smart)
It is a situation that every woman experiences at one time or another…
He tells you exactly what you want to hear to avoid a discussion. Even if he has to twist some information here and there …
One day he tells you he has no money to do anything fun.
To casually arrive the next day with a new ridiculously expensive purchase.
“Look baby what I bought!”
“Yes, very nice sweetheart, but I thought you had no money?”
“Ehh.. yes.. this was on offer… cost almost nothing”
Yup, telling a little lie about how much his new acquisition cost is a lot easier than telling him he made a stupid purchase.
Men prefer to avoid discussion
Why get yourself into a lewd discussion with your girlfriend when you can simply say what she wants to hear?
Both sides are satisfied, and no one gets hurt.
We sometimes think we are very smart…
#7 Putting the blame outside yourself
From ‘The bridge was open’ to ‘I had a bicycle accident’, I’ve heard them all pass by.
When I used to be late for class in high school, I already had my arsenal of excuses ready.
Hoping that the teacher would understand and there would be no consequences.
There was one thing that came up in every excuse…
Something they all had in common…
It was never my fault.
While we like to think making excuses is for rebellious teens, most adults aren’t much better.
When he arrives way late to an important dinner at a fancy restaurant, he thinks this:
“Am I really going to tell her I stuck with my friends too long?”
“It’s a better story to tell that I had a flat tire… That rotten glass that’s all over the road too.”
He will make up that he got into a situation that was out of his control.
What can he do about his tire going flat?
It’s not his fault. He couldn’t help it.
The alternative is not so attractive…
If he told you that he thought the debriefing of a football game was more important than leaving home on time, then the turnips are done.
You would flip.
Fortunately, there is something you can do so that your man doesn’t do this.
You can prevent this by a simple change in communication.
Tell him how much you appreciate it when he does something for you
This is the opposite of telling him how angry you get when he DOES NOT do something.
You want to make him feel like he’s getting all the space he needs to be with his friends.
Then tell him that you would really appreciate it if he came with you (and on time) to dinner.
As soon as we are ordered to do things, we want to rebel.
But as soon as we can make our partner happy, we do everything for her.
A man likes nothing more than to make his girlfriend happy.
Don’t emphasize the consequences if he doesn’t do something, but focus on rewarding him. On what he gains by being there on time!
#8 He lies because he wants something else
Another common phenomenon is the au au I have a stomachache lie.
When an important appointment arrives that he wants to get out of, he pulls it out of the top excuse hat .
A nice movie is showing in the cinema on Saturday and you want to go with him. You tell him and he mumbles that he will come along without paying much attention.
Then when that Saturday arrives…
…and his friends ask him where he is going to watch that one important sporting game, he changes his mind…
He promised to go to the movies with you!
Fuck what now?
Hmm, time for the au au I have a stomachache trick …
He will tell you that he is in bed with a stomachache. Too many stomach cramps to go out the door, maybe you two should go next week.
Well done, he thinks. She’ll be glad I still want to go just next week.
She will understand.
It’s not that bad is it? No casualties, and we both get what we want!
#9 He doesn’t want to lose you
When you love someone, you want that person to love you too.
Losing that person is the last thing you want.
If the truth is better left uncovered, then a ‘ love lie’ is easily made.
Ignorance is bliss…
Especially if it was an incident, like that one kissing session in the bar… He couldn’t help it, it was the alcohol!
Why risk the relationship for a drunk outlier?
He will convince himself that it was an incident…
The last thing he wants to do is destroy the trust between you. Trust that only came about after months of being together.
A man in such a situation thinks the following:
If I lie about what exactly happened in the pub, nothing will happen.
After all, he loves you.
Then a little white lie won’t hurt, right?
He will justify it to himself and rationalize it .
This means that he justifies the lying to himself. Men are very good at straight talking which is sordid and crooked…
Even if this sometimes stems from the best intentions.
#10 Men are sometimes as smooth as sandpaper
“Oh shit, now I’m the Sjaak”
The thought flashes through his mind as he sees your face on a storm at the strength of the perfect storm .
Maybe that comment was
“You have a big ass in those pants”
not quite as charming as how it sounded in my head…
Because men don’t always think carefully about the meaning of what they say, they sometimes get into trouble.
The average man only realizes this when he sees his girlfriend explode.
He will yell head over heels that it was a compliment!
A man knows that this could get him a fight all night long.
In such a case it is better to save the matter by twisting the truth a little .
If he’s in a nasty situation, he can escape it by coming up with something that proves his innocence.
“I didn’t mean it that way, I meant X, Y and Z”
He will try to talk his way out of it.
Which often manifests itself in twisting what he actually meant.
#11 He is afraid of your strong reaction
Men don’t like to admit it…
Most will deny it.
But let me tell you a little secret.
We are sometimes afraid of your reaction
Suppose he has once again got himself in deep trouble… Often the truth will come out sooner or later if he doesn’t say anything about it.
Although you say you’d rather hear the truth than a lame story, he knows you’ll be furious if he tells the truth.
Out of fear, he will come up with a story to prevent this.
Unfortunately, these stories will not always be based on the truth.
#12 The truth is sometimes too painful
Even though we often try to act tough, most men also have a very small heart.
Especially when it comes to family, friends or his girlfriend.
A major reason for being dishonest with you is because he doesn’t want to hurt the woman in his life.
This does not only apply to the Dutch man, it is a worldwide phenomenon that even makes American talk shows.
If you ask him if your purple headband goes well with your orange dress, most men will agree.
Your friend will reply “like” when asked what he thinks of your new haircut.
In these cases, he will come up with a short, complimentary response .
Of course they want to be honest.
Men have the best integrity.
But is there a chance that being honest will hurt your feelings? Then we will swallow that honesty…
He will still feel good because you feel good.
Saying “nice” in these cases boosts your confidence and avoids a full day of “silent treatment” from a disappointed woman.
When he sees other women he is innocence itself
Do you ever catch him looking at other women?
Well what can I say… every man does this.
It’s just a thought. Because we are so visual we can’t help it.
Every now and then he will meet a woman who will make him think “Wow, what a cut”. This does not mean that he wants to sleep with her.
Not all men will come out for this.
Some don’t want to say that they think other women are beautiful because it can hurt you.
No reason to get angry about this 😉
He can’t help it.
#13 He doesn’t dare to admit how crazy he is about you
Two things you want to know about men:
- Men can lose themselves completely when they are in love.
- Men hate the feeling of losing control.
Especially if it’s because they’re head over heels in love with you…
It’s like he can’t think of anything else. Men do crazy things when they are under the influence of love.
Wars have begun over women… Think Troy .
It’s a recurring phenomenon in Hollywood movies…
Like a man running across the airport to convince the woman of his dreams to stay with him.
This kind of indulgence of love is sought after by many women
Women feel a hunger for signs from men that they are in love. Especially because we normally seem so emotionless.
This proves that he feels the same for you as you do for him.
But put yourself in his shoes.
We don’t just hate that we lose our self-control. We hate to admit this too.
This is one of the reasons why a man can create distance out of the blue. He does this because he wants to regain control over his emotions.
He knows he is left at your mercy when he is with you a lot.
Very scary for him. That’s why he won’t always want to admit this…
#14 Men try to be cool
Every man has an ego that he likes to keep up.
The Eiffel Tower is big for some and a big sandcastle for others .
The fact is, they will brag to other men to boost their egos.
He’ll brag to his friends about how many women he’s slept with.
Take all this with a grain of salt. It’s locker room talk. We like to act tough in front of our friends. Especially if there are a few beers in it…
Is it flat, arrogant and burly?
Most of the time.
Most men are guilty of this.
De Speld had an example of this that the nail gives a well-aimed blow to the head.
Well, this might not be too bad at home if you’re just the two of you.
But oh woe oh woe if other men and beers are involved…
Then most men open a can of tall tales that will still impress Chuck Norris.
So on behalf of all men in the Netherlands; sorry for our talk.
#15 He learned this habit in his previous relationship Crystal Clear Reasons Why Men Lie
It may be that he used to always tell the truth.
Honestly, like a good boy, he always tried to tell the truth.
Until his ex always gave him the wind if she didn’t like that truth…
If we get a negative reaction every time we engage in a certain behavior, we quickly unlearn it.
If he just said goodbye to the 73-year-old neighbor, she could accuse him of cheating for a week.
He will think to himself;
“I’d better say what she wants to hear, or I’ll be screwed again”
You understand that this leads to twisting facts to avoid over-emotional reactions.
She has created a relationship based on punishment. This is called classical conditioning .
Because of this, he never feels completely comfortable in the relationship. He must always be on his guard because the slightest thing can make her explode.
He will take this with him to his next relationship. Which puts this on your plate.
He will twist the truth because he thinks it will punish him otherwise. Punishment in the form of accusatory negative reactions .
By showing him that you are different, you can change this habit.
That may take a while… but don’t blame him.
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