Do you feel like you are in a relationship with a selfish partner? Or maybe you’re dating a selfish person.
A relationship with an egoist can be very destructive to your relationship. It is always about your partner, while little interest is shown in you.
You can then become very lonely and unhappy in your relationship.
Purpose of this article: How can you recognize a selfish partner? or you’re dealing with a purebred egoist? And more importantly, what can you do if your partner is behaving selfishly? That will be discussed in this article.
What is Selfish Behavior?
Everyone knows someone in their environment who is selfish. These people do things that are particularly good for themselves, without thinking about the effect of their decisions or actions on others.
It is the people who think of themselves. They try to manipulate things so that things (in a group) go the way they want.
You will also find that selfish individuals often use the word “I” in sentences.
“I think that…” “I think that…”. They like to think of “I”, are particularly concerned about themselves and are especially concerned with themselves and their own perspective.
Where does their selfishness come from and why do they do what they do? This is explained in more detail in this article, so you’re already well on your way.
How does selfish behavior arise?
How can a person be selfish?
It is argued from science that the psychological traits we have today are the result of the survival strategies of our ancestors.
This reasoning is based on Darwin’s theory of natural selection, where the fittest survive.
The qualities that were not good for our ancestors to survive have, as it were, been released.
It is easy to understand that selfish behavior is good for survival. When you don’t think about others but only about yourself, you are more likely to survive and become successful in life.
If you only have limited food, you have less chance of survival if you give the food away to someone else.
Selfishness is a bad quality that has nevertheless found its way into the way mankind has evolved over the centuries.
How can it be that some people are more selfish than others?
What makes a person more or less selfish?
Scientific research has also shown that we expect intelligent people to be more selfish.
They know what it takes to move forward and will therefore make more decisions in the short term in order to survive and grow.
This still applies today.
When you want to achieve things in life or pursue a good career, it is important in our society that you do not care too much about others, but think about yourself most of all.
However, the reality is that the reverse is worth it. The more intelligent a person is, the less likely this person is to exhibit selfish behavior.
The reason for this is that man is a social being by nature. It is a tool that we can use to our advantage.
Intelligence also means that an intelligent person knows how to use the right contacts and people to become more intelligent and achieve goals.
So we need each other in this. This social aspect means that as humans we work more in groups.
By helping each other, we can all get better. This is just the opposite of selfishness.
Helping others, in whatever way, also causes certain hormones to be released in the body. These are good hormones, which can give a happy and happy feeling, among other things.
By nature, every person is selfless, and therefore not selfish. However, some people are more prone to selflessness due to differences in brain structure.
A more intelligent person probably has a better ability to:
In addition, some individuals are naturally more or less empathetic.
There is another factor that comes into play: emotion. The longer you think about something, the more selfish you become.
A person who acts spontaneously is more likely to be less selfish.
For example, consider donating money to a good cause. If someone asks you this on the street, it’s easier to give a few euros.
When you have a chance to think about it for a while, you suddenly start thinking about the effect of the donation on yourself. What could you do with the money?
The reason for this is that while intelligent is a predictor of generosity and unselfishness, we are still primarily governed by emotion.
Selfishness can therefore be caused by emotions, physical and psychological properties that are in the nature of man.
At the same time, society demands that we think more and more about ourselves when we want to achieve things in life.
Are you sometimes a little selfish?
Being a little selfish is healthy
It is good to emphasize that it is not bad to think about yourself.
But you want some. You have a goal in mind. It’s okay if you’re selfish and think about yourself.
For example, spend an evening relaxing on the couch, instead of meeting others or doing something for others.
There is, of course, a clear limit here. This line is crossed when love is no longer shown in helping and supporting others.
So you can really think about yourself, but this should not take extreme forms. When extreme forms are taken, it quickly tends to selfish behavior.
Characteristics of selfish people
Ok, but how can you recognize selfish people?
There are some characteristics of selfish people that are easy to spot. Try not to be too quick to judge a person as being selfish.
This often involves a combination of characteristics that occur over a longer period of time in different situations.
Then you can really conclude that a person is selfish. Selfish persons:
1. Can’t take criticism
They will not accept both positive and negative criticism, but will reject it. They will give reasons why the criticism is not justified.
In fact, selfish people can’t take criticism at all. As if someone else knows them better than they know themselves.
2. Show no weakness
Selfish people are trying to survive. Their behavior reflects this. Weaknesses have no place in this struggle for survival and therefore prefer to be hidden.
3. Don’t listen to others
Selfish people like to talk about themselves and their opinion, point of view or perspective. Therefore, they tend to listen very poorly to what the other person is saying and interrupt the other person all the time.
4. Think they deserve everything
Selfish people think mainly of themselves. They feel they have certain rights and deserve to get what they want.
5. Criticize others when it suits them
When you think everything is about you, it’s easy to be negative about things that aren’t about you. Egoists therefore tend to strongly criticize and reject these things.
6. Don’t take risks
Taking risks is very risky in a struggle for survival. It is safer to take as few risks as possible so as not to fail in any case.
Partner who is selfish
Some individuals are good relationship material, while others are not, at least not right now.
Relationships require compassion, love and selflessness. It certainly happens that you date a person who is too selfish to be a devoted partner.
But selfishness also has a certain charm. A selfish person can appear very confident and know what he/she wants in life.
How can you recognize a selfish partner?
I would like to give you 7 signs that you can notice that your partner is too selfish to be a committed partner in a relationship.
These signals can relate to your current partner, but also to the person you are dating.
It is also possible that your partner is narcissistic?
Are you never good enough for your partner? This is a very big red flag. For example, is your partner more interested in what you do than in who you are?
Your qualities may be closely related to your partner’s sense of social status. For example, think of your work, appearance or background.
For the selfish partner, it is precisely what you do for him that matters.
You may find that your partner is not that interested in who you are as a person because your partner is incapable of being emotionally involved or showing empathy.
You may even feel invisible as a person in front of your partner. You and your character don’t matter, only what you represent.
Signal 2: You feel trapped in your partner’s many rules
Selfish people place high demands on a partner and those around them. If you do not meet these requirements, you will be quickly assessed or even convicted.
To help you meet these high expectations, selfish partners often set “ego rules.”
These rules are imposed on you by your selfish partner, but are actually about your partner.
For example, that your selfish partner demands that you inform him 24 hours in advance when you want to meet with friends, while your partner does spontaneous things with his friends.
However, relationship rules create resentment, anger and prevent genuine, respectful and honest love.
Signal 3: Your partner prioritizes “me” over “we” or “you”
A loving partner values and respects the other person’s opinion.
A couple should embrace a certain team mentality. “We are a team together.”
You should make decisions together and discuss things with each other. Your own happiness is just as important as the happiness of your partner.
This is not the case with a selfish partner. This one is not talking about “we”, but about “I”.
This can lead to relationship problems , growing apart and possibly even a breakup .
Signal 4: Your partner is sabotaging your success
A selfish partner likes to be in the spotlight himself and doesn’t like to share this place with someone else.
When you’re in the spotlight, your partner will try to draw attention to themselves.
A classic method is to distract you when you have an important moment in your career or life.
For example by creating an emotional moment. Or by literally stealing your attention, which sometimes even happens in an embarrassing way.
Signal 5: They never ask “How was your day?”
It is wonderful to come home after a busy day and see your loving partner cooking.
Your partner looks at you, gives you a kiss, hands you a glass of wine and asks “How was your day?”.
This is a moment when it’s all about you. Your partner shows interest, but also compassion and love at the same time.
You can tell your story, complain or spout. It’s all about you, and that’s nice after a hard day.
A selfish partner will not do this because he will want to dominate the conversation himself.
It is difficult for an egoist to be really interested in another person’s opinion, feelings or story without going through it and letting the story be about themselves.
A one-sided dynamic arises in a relationship with a selfish partner, which can lead to an unhappy relationship for the non-selfish partner.
Signal 6: Your partner is talking about you
A selfish partner would rather hear his own voice than yours.
When you have a disagreement, your selfish partner is defending itself or convincing you that you are right, instead of acknowledging or listening to your point of view.
It will not be a conversation between two people, but a conversation where one person talks by far the most.
You are emotionally sidelined as a result, because your partner is consistently not listening properly.
Signal 7: You have to beg your partner to do things you want to do
Making compromises is an essential part of a healthy relationship.
You are two different persons, with different opinions, preferences and views.
You should be concerned if your partner doesn’t care about your opinion, won’t accept “no” from you, or make you feel guilty about making your own decisions.
You shouldn’t have to beg your partner to come along to your activity.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s a holiday destination, an evening out, choosing a movie or choosing a restaurant. Your needs are just as important as your partner’s.
What can you do if you have a selfish partner?
Your partner may not know any better. For example, through a different upbringing.
You can also address your partner about his (selfish) behavior. Do this gently, without judging.
Overcoming Selfish Behavior or Dealing With A Purebred Egoist
Perhaps you are reading this article because you are exhibiting selfish behavior yourself or perhaps you feel that you yourself could be the selfish partner.
First of all, don’t worry too much. You can teach yourself to be more loving and less selfish towards others, including your partner. You can change your own behavior in situations.
I would like to give you some accessible tips:
When you exhibit selfish behavior, you have a habit of always putting yourself first.
It can be difficult to change this. But if you really want it, you sure can!
Let us know in the comments how you succeeded and help each other!