Just as children automatically take on different roles in their play, you can naturally take on different roles in your daily life. Aren’t we born for that? To experience our oneness in the illusion of limitation? I say ‘illusion of the limitation’, because who imposes those limitations on us? Aren’t we ourselves in the first place?
Can you allow yourself, just like a child, to experience yourself in full surrender in all facets?
I hear you think, there are of course also many external limitations, such as work, home, money, etc. But I also believe that it is your thoughts that you link to this, which make whether it forms a limitation or a journey of discovery. . Because you can also observe your own expressions in your work or financial situation and see what effect that has on your situation.
From a quantum perspective, you are the creator of your universe. And your environment is controlled by your consciousness, but also your unconscious patterns and beliefs. So your apparent limitations can never be an outside limitation, but they become situations that mirror your consciousness. You are the creator of your life!
Roles and expectations
We have often become accustomed to certain roles and assign ourselves qualities in which we recognize ourselves. Your environment often assigns you qualities in which they recognize you. This means that you will eventually identify with certain roles and expectations. For example, you are the sensitive, the joker or the shy person.
That you (unconsciously) hold on to that is also logical, it feels the safest for your mind. They prefer to put everything and everyone in a box, then you know where you stand and you are ‘safe’. So in the long run you think you are. You have become your attributes, your roles. But is this true?
It can feel very comfortable and safe to know who you are, what you are good at and what you are not so good at. That is of course perfectly fine, but in many cases it is also limiting. Because we are inclined to let other sides of ourselves not or less come into play as a result. There are a lot of expressions of your potential that you don’t allow into your daily life at all.
If you strive for non-duality or wholeness, or if you simply allow yourself other qualities in your life, you may strive to bring that childish role-playing back into your adult life. Because imagine who else you can be besides the well-known version of yourself…
For only when you can allow all expressions of yourself you can fully respond to your natural impulses. And when you can allow yourself to respond to your natural impulses again, you lose little energy throughout the day on judgmental or criticalizing thoughts.
Following your natural impulses
Can you allow yourself to follow your impulses that feel most natural in the moment? As an example:
You have an appointment with a friend that you don’t really feel like that day. But you think the other person is really waiting for you, so you choose to ignore your natural impulse (call off) and still go to the appointment. Thoughts will run through your head several times throughout the day… ‘yuck, I really don’t feel like it, but yes, I have to. What if I don’t go? Well, I can’t do that, how will the other person feel then?’ All these thoughts consume your time, attention and energy. While all that is happening is that you are not allowing an expression of yourself.
Can you be the one who chooses for yourself? Can you, in this case, disappoint someone else? Or can you just allow the version of yourself that makes everyone happy? Who always thinks of others?
Just if you allow another possibility in your mind (cancel the appointment) and notice what that does to you, you will notice what the different expression of yourself can bring you. If you do that more often, you will also find that you can be much more sincere in your presence. Then you no longer have to go to an appointment with resistance and you can experience what it is like to have appointments that inspire you, because you are there with all your attention.
The fear of disappointing someone else
If you are someone who thinks about others easily, you can ask yourself: ‘Yeah, but what about the other person who disappoints you?’
I’d like to talk to you about that too, because is that true? Can you know with certainty whether you will disappoint the other person if you do not come? Or could it be that the person also has other plans and possibilities? Is the other person really waiting for you? And if so, is it bad to disappoint someone? Or do you only confront someone with his or her own expectations?
Then you can also ask yourself whether the other person sincerely benefits from your presence, if you approach the other person from the feeling of ‘being sad’. If you love and respect someone, then you can surround them with love and respect. If you think someone is pathetic and you feel resistance to being around them, I doubt that you radiate love and respect to another person.
If you allow yourself to follow your natural impulses, you can safely go to someone who is not feeling well. But then you will find that it feels good for you to go; there is no need for it to cost you energy. You are the one who determines what your life looks like, how you feel and how you perceive the situations in your life.
As long as you can be yourself in every situation, the situation can no longer limit you.
You cannot know in advance what kind of experience you will bring to the other person, by possibly disappointing someone. So don’t try to define your behavior on assumptions based on your approved gender roles.
To return to the example above:
If you are only allowed to love yourself, you create a lot of situations in your life that challenge you in being your love. Because why can’t you just be nice?
Life is in flux and will always challenge you to learn to bring out all the expressions of yourself in the most loving way.
Be congruent in thinking, feeling, speaking and doing
Children especially can’t stand this if a parent only shows one side of themselves. They want someone who is sweet, but who can also set boundaries. If a parent shows in behavior that it is not good to experience anger, this is what you pass on to your children. It is their natural impulse to express anger. Yet they see that it is ‘normal’ to hold back this natural impulse; so does their loving parent.
Kids want someone who can play with them and take on all the roles that feel natural in the moment. This gives children permission to be themselves. This teaches them to listen lovingly to themselves and their natural flow. If we only determine with our heads what we can and cannot experience, you can never allow life in its entirety.
In practice, when I talk to people about following their natural impulses again, they are often a bit afraid of that. ‘Then I won’t get out of bed’ or ‘Then I’ll never go to work again’. But stay realistic in the life you allow yourself. If you need your job right now to make ends meet, make sure you allow your natural impulses at work as much as possible.
Then it can suddenly become a lot more interesting. And do you need to lie in your bed all day. Then do that for a weekend. Don’t let your potential children be an excuse, they love to experience a parent who is in their element. Or arrange for a babysitter and use that time to inspire yourself by following your impulses.
Without judging your needs, allow yourself to experience what that childish, impulsive behavior is again.
And if you wonder why you had a lot of energy as a child and now much less? Then you know that immediately after a weekend to follow your impulses.
And following your natural impulses, accepting yourself and your life as it is now, is so natural. It’s the apparent imperfections of life that make it so perfect. Everything is already in balance, because all expressions together allow us to experience ourselves as a cooperative whole.
Lovingly accept life
The more we can lovingly accept ourselves and allow our natural impulses, the more we connect with loving acceptance of life itself. And what could that mean for our environment, our children and our world?
We just might become the epitome of how to lovingly accept yourself and life. Isn’t that exactly what you wish your fellow man and the rest of the world? Be the living example of someone who can be himself in all its facets, at least try it out and experience what it means to you. You can be the sounding board, the springboard, that stimulates others to discover the wholeness within themselves.
So even if it seems contradictory to also allow your less developed sides or less desirable sides into your life, realize that by doing so you allow the natural flow of life to be there again. This will not only benefit you, but also the world around you.