Do you experience enough self-love? (+ tips to love yourself more)

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Do you experience enough self-love? (+ tips to love yourself more)
Do you experience enough self-love? Or are you dependent on someone else in it? Do you get angry or sad when your partner doesn’t give you what you need?

The hugs you got as a child are your basis

Everyone knows that an important basic need of a child is to be touched, cherished, and held. If a child is hugged a lot out of unconditional love, you feel recognized as a child. Through the touch, you experience security, without words you feel that you can be there completely as you are, that you are good as you are.

If this is your base, then you are on solid ground. One that radiates that you can handle things yourself and that you don’t feel alone at the same time.

The hugs you didn’t get are also your base

If you have a different basis, if you were not hugged or less as a child, if you did not get what you needed so much or received a conditional form of love, then you quickly experience that you are not good the way you are. It is precisely through the touch of the other that you feel that you are there, as a baby. Because of the lack of it, you experience that you need the other person to feel good. Only through the recognition of the other do you experience that you exist, that you matter.

If being touched by the other is your condition of happiness

Do you experience enough self-love? (+ tips to love yourself more)

Turn it around, because if you need touching the other person to feel good or less difficult or lonely, then you are in a sense dependent on that. Depending on the other, what the other gives you. And whether they will give it to you. And do you want that? Do you want to leave how you feel in the hands of others or do you want to take your own leadership and be able to give yourself what you need?

The more self-love you experience, the less you need the other. And that doesn’t mean that you have to do everything alone and that you have to start feeling that you don’t need anyone anymore. No, on the contrary. Being together and being touched can be enriching in that way, an addition to your own self-love. It is suffocating, both for yourself and the other, when you depend on the touch and the contact. It’s lonely because you’re more likely not to get what you need when you depend on it than you do.

Self-love is the basis of your happiness

What is self-love? It’s the foundation in yourself that’s about I’m okay, whatever I do, and whatever I feel. I am good just the way I am, no matter how long something takes, no matter how many mistakes I make, I value myself.

Do you experience enough self-love? (+ tips to love yourself more)

Self-love is ‘I smile at myself as you smile at an uninhibited child’. Self-love is about forgiveness and acceptance of your dark sides, your negative qualities, and your missteps. Self-love is unconditional, it is experiencing that you yourself are your best company and that you do what it takes for yourself, that you dare to grow and can experience pain because you know that you need it to move on. Complete self-love is a big thing and it starts small.

8 tips for self-love

  1. Self-love requires knowing who you are. Who is the one you are going to love? Do you know yourself? If you can’t really answer this question, then, out of love and compassion, examine who you are. This is the foundation of a good relationship with yourself. ‘Who am I’ is not just about all the roles you have, which balls you hold up or what you like to do. It is mainly about which path you want to walk. What does and does not suit you.
  2. Do you already know well or reasonably who you are? So do you know what you need? Because that’s the next step. What serves you and what does not? What works for you and what doesn’t, what are you getting stuck on? This is important to know so that you can take good care of yourself.
  3. Perhaps you already knew what you need and what does and does not serve you. But do you also act on it? Are you giving yourself what you need? Do you not only make time and space for others but also for yourself, so that you can give yourself what you need? Or do you always have well-founded arguments not to do it and do you adapt again to the other person? To feel over time that you let yourself down? So step three is about applying what you discovered in steps one and two.
  4. If you have been trying to apply or discover the previous steps in your life for a long time without success, you may now feel a bit despondent. Perhaps you have ended up with frustration and self-judgment. Then it is time for some deeper inner work. Then there is a pattern in the way, linked to old child pain. It is precisely at these moments that you probably experience the greatest need to get what you need through the other person. In this exercise, you discover what touches you in a conflict or difficult situation, where this comes from and you ease the pain through an inner child meditation.
  5. Now that you know a little more about who you are and what you need and have a tool in your hands to ease your pain, it’s time for the more serious work. Dare to be alone. Literally, confront yourself. Withdraw more. Precisely this time does not only ask for it, it offers you the opportunity to do so, without getting comments from others that they see you so little, for example. Withdraw, go within yourself and discover how you can give yourself much more than you previously thought.Do you experience enough self-love? (+ tips to love yourself more)
  6. Put it all together. Start writing, in the morning pages or in the evening, but find a nice book and start writing. Writing in a diary brings you on a meta-level, it puts you at a distance from yourself, and at the same time, it brings you closer to yourself. After all, by writing what you have experienced, experienced felt, and thought, you look at yourself from a distance. You discover what you know and why or why you didn’t do something that you actually wanted to.
    Because it is descriptive, it is less easy for you to end up in judgment towards yourself (and otherwise critical towards yourself, don’t judge but describe without judgment what you are doing, you may find something difficult, but that is not yet condemning). If you keep this up for a longer period of time, you will see connections over time, you will understand yourself and compassion will arise. Do not only write but also read back over and over again what you have written. You will be amazed at your own wisdom. And you naturally want to connect more with yourself when you discover who is hidden deep within yourself.
  7. Do you find it difficult to muster that compassion for yourself because you can only see what you are not doing well, that you are failing? Then do this compassion exercise. Do this exercise focused on yourself and also on your own inner child as long as you don’t let go of your own judgments. You will experience in this exercise that you could not do otherwise as a little one. And then realize that you are simply still doing what you learned then. As a result, and because of all the previous tips, your self-love will grow step by step. I wish you a difficult journey, your own journey.
  8. And that brings you to the final step, your own journey. Walking your own path is the ultimate form of self-love. Listening to yourself, to what you need, how you want to be, and living and acting accordingly, is self-love. I grant you that you will love yourself so much that you can completely walk your own path, in an unconditional and pure way. Then it cannot be otherwise that you will come back to yourself, you will become what you were meant to be again.

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