Emotional inheritance: this is how you recognize unprocessed pains in your life

Emotional inheritance: this is how you recognize unprocessed pains in your life

There may be a dark cloud hanging over your head that you just can’t explain. Often this is a trace of an ’emotional legacy’: unprocessed pains that you have received from your (ancestors) parents. This article shows how to recognize this legacy. “It is not possible to suppress it permanently. Either way, your body and mind will be compromised!”

You can literally take over everything from an emotional inheritance and thus experience it identically to your (ancestors) parents.

From generation to generation

We pass on emotions, both positive and negative, desires, pains, traumas, nightmares, fears, and (limited) beliefs that are not processed to our children. And our children can pass them on to their children. In recent years, this ‘transgenerational transfer’ has been gaining increasing prominence and recognition. I myself call it ‘the emotional legacy’‘.

Healing pain from the family line

An example: your mother’s unprocessed chronic depression can manifest itself in your life as a penchant for depressive feelings. Or you can feel a certain heaviness and experience little or no joie de vivre. ‘In the women’s line for me, you see a lot of transgressive and dismissive behavior from men towards women.

My first relationship was when I was fifteen: with a loverboy. This has profoundly negatively affected my later life. The relationship had an impact on my relationships, my sexual development, and the births of my three children. Until I healed the pain from my emotional legacy and started attracting healthy(er) relationships. It is and remains a point of attention because the scar in me is sensitive.

Collective Emotional Legacy

Emotional inheritance: this is how you recognize unprocessed pains in your life

Collectively, there is also an emotional legacy. Take apartheid in South Africa, for example, which has since been abolished. The years of oppression of the black population by the whites have left deep marks. Not only among the generations that have consciously experienced it but also among the generations that follow. The black population is still worse off than the white in every way.

My mother’s trauma became my nightmare

My inexplicable recurring nightmare was about myself, hiding under a desk. I saw a man in a German uniform come in, with black boots on, and I felt great fear. When I was 37 years old, my mother told me about her traumatic war past. Her father had naturalized as a German during the Second World War due to relational circumstances.

My mother was always very scared when he came home in his uniform with black boots and spurs. She then crawled under a chair. Hearing this, I finally understood my nightmare. So it really happened… in my mother’s life. The only difference being that the desk was actually a chair. After my mother’s explanation, my nightmare disappeared!

Do you recognize yourself in this list of signals?

You can literally take over everything from an emotional inheritance and thus experience it identically to your (ancestors) parents. Or you experience it in a different way, but you can trace it back to this legacy. Sometimes it seems like there’s a dark cloud hanging over your head that you can’t explain. Often this is a trace of an emotional legacy. When you start researching the history of your ancestors, you will most likely discover similarities! Things fall into place.

These are landmarks of an emotional legacy:

• Not getting recognition from your parents, partner or yourself
• Not being able to be a child
Sexual abuse
• Suicidal tendencies
• Addictions
• Switching off feelings and not showing emotions and pain
• No basic safety
• Not developing your own identity
• Fear of the dark, poverty, dogs or water etc.
• Having secrets
• Shame and humiliation
• Being an outsider

These are some landmarks, but of course, there are many more! Anything that parents don’t process is passed on at conception.

Inner work affects generations before and after you

Emotional inheritance: this is how you recognize unprocessed pains in your life

By doing inner work, you are not only doing yourself a great favor. It also affects others. Indirectly this has an energetic effect on deceased people as well as on your children. So both the generations before and after you can benefit from it. How beautiful is that. This does not mean, however, that every living person leads a happier existence as a result. There is still the own will! However, there is a good chance that life will become less difficult and that more potential can be achieved.

Why the pain keeps getting worse…

It is not possible to permanently suppress an emotional legacy or any pain whatsoever. Either way, your body, and mind will be compromised! This can take years, though. At first, they may give off brief or vague emotional, mental, or physical signals.

If you don’t listen to this, the signals become stronger, so that in the long run you have to listen to what your body and mind have to say. Pain wants to be heard and felt. This piece wants to get attention so you can heal it. The more you suppress an emotional legacy, the more resistance there is to that area in your life. Even when you are not aware of the origin of pain.

This is your own responsibility: to take good care of yourself in all areas. We all received a backpack with luggage at our conception. The good news is that everything we tackle and heal promotes our inner growth. So you largely determine how your life goes.

So you can get started yourself

Emotional inheritance: this is how you recognize unprocessed pains in your life

Of course, each person’s emotional inheritance is different. One family has played more than another. And sometimes you have a heavy inheritance from both parents. You may need professional help to discover and heal. That is not a weakness, but rather requires courage. Courage to ask for help. You can also get started yourself. Listen to what you need, listen to your needs.

  • The first step you can take to discover your emotional legacy is awarenessBecoming aware of which pains, patterns, behaviors, traumas, fears, or limiting beliefs you have inherited from the generation(s) before you.
  • Put the history that is already known to you on paper. A tip: work out this history per person, so that you can see a clear distinction between the male and female sides. You may recognize yourself in a story or several stories.
  • Investigate to what extent your relationship with your partner resembles that of your parents or grandparents. When pains are passed on, chances are you are in a love relationship similar to your parents. And that even the relationship between you and your parents is similar!
  • Talk to your (grand)parents. Ask what their secret, if any, unresolved trauma, passed down pattern from their parents, unfulfilled desire or dream is. Questions about their birth and childhood are also important. You can compare the answers with your own experiences.

Once you have mapped out things, you can ask yourself the following question every time you are hit by an (old) pain: ‘Do I live my life or that of my (ancestors’) parents?’ I wish you much courage in exploring your emotional legacy. Don’t give up, keep going, because being happy is your birthright!


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