You are manipulated into harmful connections. They stroke your ego. Flattered and proud you do what the other wants.
Connection is indispensable for us humans. We are social animals and we need each other. Connections nourish us in a unique way. You literally can’t live without it. But one connection is not the other. They vary in quality and in intensity. ‘Intense’ does not automatically mean better or healthier.
On an energetic level, there are cords that connect us to other people, but also to animals and things. So they are connecting cords and energy flows through them. We give, we receive and this affects us both.
This is what a healthy connection looks like
You have healthy and less healthy connections. Healthy connections essentially nourish you. They make you stronger, help you grow as a person, and bring out the best in you. They are based on mutual love and respect. Think, for example, of healthy love, friendship, and parent-child relationships. But the connection between a good teacher and his students also has these qualities. As well as the tightrope between a nice neighbor and you. These connections are less intense than those between partners, for example. But they are of high quality and therefore really nourishing.
Why are they so important? Suppose you didn’t have a healthy connection with your family in your childhood or are now stuck in a wrong relationship, then these kinds of connections can make you feel what it can also be. They recalibrate you. You feel (again) what is healthy for you and why.
How to recognize a malicious connection
There are also compounds that seem nourishing, but in reality, are not. There is no nourishing energy flowing, but something quite different. It is sham food, from which you do not grow. They are connections in which you are manipulated. They stroke your ego. You tell yourself that the other person is really interested in you, has genuine attention for you, and takes you for granted. Flattered and proud you do what the other wants. You think you are being fed, but in the meantime, you are giving up more and more of yourself. Because the other only cares about themselves…
A narcissist only feeds himself
These kinds of connections can become very unhealthy. A proven tactic of narcissists is to break down the other person further and further so that they walk on eggshells. He or she does everything he can to maintain the narcissist’s good mood. The victim is so tuned in to the narcissist that it registers the slightest change in energy. Whether it is a partner relationship or a parent-child relationship, the effect is the same. The bond that should nourish both parties is only being eroded. The only one that is fed is the energy demander.
But the bond is also unhealthy for him or her. Although energy comes through, it is never the energy that the energy demander essentially wants and needs. Because underneath all the manipulation is the wounded person who wants real love and attention. For himself, for who he is. But because he already plays a role from the beginning of the relationship – and is therefore not real – the love that flows is not for the real person, but for the mask. And you feel that.
Avoiding the Pain
But even if there is love, it is never enough. Because the real problem is a lack of self-love and no one else can solve it. For inner pain that a person can only release himself, all the energy of others is in fact a form of unhealthy food. If there are (too) few real connections or many inner wounds, you can become very susceptible to harmful connections, because they keep you away from your pain and seem to feed your needs.
Groups with an us-versus-them atmosphere. Groups that brag about their own right and see dissenters as wrong or even bad or inferior. There are unhealthy connections. Fighting for a cause you believe in is one thing. To think that your allies and you are therefore special or even chosen is quite another. Anything that makes you feel elevated is unhealthy. And because these kinds of feelings compensate for inner wounds, insecurities or powerlessness, you need new and more powerful doses.
A question for you
How do you get out of here? By going back to basics. With every action, with every contact, ask yourself: how is this feeding me? Does it lift me up or does it pull me down? Do I support this group, because I feel from my authentic being that I find its goals important? Or because I can lose myself in the group energy that gives me such a kick? Am I helping this person from my base of strength or because of the energetic reward I get in return?