Collectively we are gaining momentum to be able to live from a more heart-supported consciousness. It gets tough, because our deepest fears, old pain and sadness are stirred up to make more room for love. The body also reacts to this with, for example, illness or pain. Everything that is hidden in the dark may now come to light and come to light, whether you like it or not. Sometimes in ways that will blow your mind. Below is my story about rediscovering my Self-Esteem.
The rapid pace of the transformation process
I think you, like me, would really appreciate it if the pace of our transformation process was a little slower. Unfortunately that’s not the case. We need to be shaken awake at high speed to clear out the pieces in us that keep us from standing in our own power and letting our light shine.
And we are only awakened when we are confronted with our deepest pain and fears. By letting go of everything that no longer fits our vibration, we come into our power and act from our Authentic I that lives from love, instead of fear.
The push I needed to gain some deeper insights about an unconsciously persistent pattern of Self -esteem came when my computer crashed just before the Christmas holidays. I’d been through a rough time with all kinds of things: a sick child, rejection at a job interview, but when my Apple crashed, I lost all my confidence and I couldn’t understand anything anymore. I was literally called to a halt.
From Darkness to Light
I tried to get my computer repaired, but the Apple Store told me the computer was beyond repair. They said they knew an address. Okay, that was a bright spot, but not enough to give me hope again. Since there was a church nearby and I was sent there inside, I went there and prayed for help. Out of nowhere I heard the beginning of a song: “When all is dark, kindle a shining fire that never goes out, a fire that never goes out.”
Suddenly I saw the light, literally and figuratively. You and I carry a divine spark within us. The divine spark of our Soul. Nothing can actually extinguish this spark unless we allow the pain to take over and let our light be extinguished. The shining fire is also the love in us, which is always there, but with which we sometimes lose contact. The moment I heard the song, I felt supported and I could reconnect with the source of love within me. This made me calm inside, and I could perceive my emotions from love instead of fear.
Everything is a lesson in love
As I went home, I felt I wanted to turn within to see what events were trying to teach me. Everything in our lives has meaning and leads us to a deeper connection within ourselves. We can look at our events with eyes of love and be guided by our hearts or with eyes of fear, then we get stuck in our pain and we start to behave like victims without taking responsibility for our lives.
There is always a choice you can make. The choice you make depends on your connection with Love. At times it is very human not to connect with love and to remain in fear. Don’t judge that, just take it and remember that you can always choose again.
Praying in church opened me to the voice of my heart and I intuitively knew that only my heart could attach insights to past events and not my mind. So I asked my heart what could be healed and I came across the piece of rejection I felt from my application. This hit the hardest. I wondered why that came on so strongly and I discovered that I linked my self-esteem, ie my identity as a human being, to this.
I had fallen into the trap of letting my worth depend on people and situations outside of me. This pattern had come to me before in relationships, even though I thought I had let it go. Apparently there was more to let go.
Beneath the feeling of rejection was an old belief of not being good enough and not being valuable. Suddenly I had a breakthrough: “Yes, but I am valuable, Dot exclamation mark. Why should I let something outside determine my value? My worth is not dependent on anything outside of me at all.” Hallelujah! This felt so big and it was like the angels in heaven were cheering, “Yeah, she gets it!” Finally I could feel free. Free from conditioning, from approval and my own judgment, because that was there too.
This insight has moved a lot. Actually, I was already in the process of letting go and becoming independent, but the feeling of being valuable felt like a big turning point in my life. Looking back, I realize that discovering my worth has opened the way to my Individuality and confirmed my right to exist as a Woman. Because I now value myself and I no longer care about the voices of the outside world, I now follow my own voice and stand in my strength.
I realize that I can be completely there and can embrace myself completely. And I wish you that too. It’s a long way to get here and some of you are not yet able to recognize your worth because there is still a lot of pain from past lives where you were rejected a lot for who you were and felt worthless.Know that your Soul has consciously chosen these roles to live this piece and grow in consciousness. And you will also recognize your Self-esteem, the more you open your heart to your Self-love and have the courage to follow your inner path.