When you have made a big leap in your development, you want to stick with it. For example, you have learned a new technique to stay with yourself more or you have connected with a beautiful high energy in a meditation or session. But after a while you notice that you can’t hold on to that feeling and you see yourself falling back into old patterns, thoughts and/or emotions. This is very frustrating for most people.
I often see three things happening in such a situation:
- 1: You notice that things are not going the way you would like
- 2: You judge yourself that you cannot hold onto the good feeling and/or start to doubt the effect and usefulness of what you have learned
- 3: You get into a negative spiral of judgment and doubt, which makes you even more out of balance.
The most important aspect of this cycle is step 2: judging yourself. That sets off a wave of doubt, judgment and imbalance. If you can let go of that judgment and accept what is, you will be back in balance much faster and avoid the negative spiral that you would otherwise end up in.
But how can you let go of that judgment?
There are a number of things that can help you with that.
The most important thing is to realize that these relapses are part of life. We grow by taking three steps forward and then one step back , and sometimes even two steps back. These steps back allow you to really integrate what you’ve learned into who you are.
However, there is also another way you can look at this. A few years ago I intuitively saw an image of a mountain. A winding path runs over this mountain that eventually winds up to the mountain top. The mountain top symbolizes that where you want to go. The path represents your life and the path to your goal. Now it is true that that mountain path does not go up in a straight line.
Sometimes it goes down for a while before going up again. The moment we walk ‘down’ in our lives (when we seem to fall back into our energy or vibration), we think we have taken a step backwards. But this image shows that’s not true: you’re still walking forward, the path only going down for a little while before going back up. In other words, to reach the top you will occasionallyhave to go down for a while. Ultimately, with every step you get closer to your goal.
This image has personally helped me a lot in the days when I felt like I had relapsed or was ‘stuck’. It takes the judgment away from the experience. You’re not doing anything wrong, you’re just following the path of your life that ultimately leads to your goal. And then of course the trick is to enjoy the journey and the views along the way as much as possible and instead of just focusing on your goal.
In addition, it is important to realize that you are practicing bringing those higher energies into your daily life. Every time you fall back, notice it and bring yourself back (in whatever way), you’ve practiced coming back to yourself or coming back into that energy. The next time you are ‘out’ it will be easier to come back simply because you have done it before. In that sense, it’s not bad at all to fall back. It is an integration and anchoring of what you would like to experience (more) in your life.
Every time you relapse or experience a difficult situation, you get to know that situation from a different side. For example, I have always had trouble grounding and being present in my body. It has taken many years to master this and it is still a ‘weak point’: when I experience something that is not comfortable, I feel like flying out of my body and have to consciously take the time and make an effort to come back.
By experiencing this situation over and over again, I know exactly the challenges of not being grounded and the many ways in which you can bring yourself back again. In my practice I now attract many people who also have difficulty with soils. From compassion, understanding and experience I can now guide others in this process of grounding and staying present in your body.
The aspects that you yourself struggle with or have struggled with, can therefore be precisely the things that you can ultimately help others with. That also gives an extra dimension to your own challenges and hopefully helps you to let go of that last remnant of judgment about yourself and your own processes.
What can you do on a practical level when falling back into old patterns threatens to happen?
1: Notice and see what is happening in your mind, emotions and body. Try to observe everything that happens inside from a distance.
2: When you notice judgments, consciously choose to let those judgments go. For me an affirmation always helps . For example, I say out loud: “I choose to let go of my judgments about myself”. That immediately changes my energy.
3: Consciously connect with your knowing that everything is okay, just the way it is. Remember the image of the mountain and know that you are always on your way to what you want to achieve.
4: Focus on the things that go well or the times when you could experience that energy. You can build on that, step by step.
5: Find out how you could bring yourself back. This can be done through meditation or yoga, but also by doing something completely different, for example watching your favorite movie or series or reading a book. Anything you really enjoy can help you get back into balance.
I wish you the best of luck on your ‘journey’. Enjoy the view along the way and know that you are on the right track!