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Five things we can do and explore to allow love into our hearts.

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1) Recognize and accept your desire 

Desire for love is a very natural thing. Everyone knows it, I think. Often we initially project this outwards; we look for love and validation in others. I think this is also a very ordinary learning path, towards discovering what love really is and where, and how we find it. It helped me to recognize and acknowledge the desire for love as a first step. Then you bring yourself back to the beginning. May the desire be there for you too?

2) Dealing constructively with resistance

Sometimes we feel resistance to allowing this desire. For example after a broken relationship. Out of fear of being hurt again, we can adopt a self-protective attitude. For example: ‘I will do it alone from now on, I don’t need anyone.’ – A response to our unprocessed pain.

Understandable as it may be, it is not effective. We thus close ourselves off from real connection with others. But also for loving contact with ourselves. A hardening occurs. Fortunately, it can soften when we shine the light of our awareness and acceptance on it. Then we can come back to the desire that is behind that attitude. The desire to allow love in and from ourselves, and from others to us.

3) Examine your assumptions and beliefs 

In our society, the image has arisen that having a love relationship is better than being single. As if having a partner ( including a happy ever after ) is the ultimate goal.

One is not necessarily better than the other in my opinion. It has both nice and less nice sides. Both are also mirrors, teachers. We learn from being with others, but also – and other wonderful lessons – from being alone.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of propaganda for the so-called ‘perfect picture’. Through the silver screen, the media, politics, people in a relationship. We are influenced by our environment, and we take inward beliefs from the outside world. We often start to believe in ourselves. Do you recognize this? What is your belief about relationships and being single? Do you like one better than the other? Perhaps it will help you to examine whether your beliefs are really true. Are you behind it with all your heart?

4) Accept your situation 

If a relationship is socially preferable, it is easier to judge being single. ‘Would it be considered strange that I’m single? Would they look at me differently?’ I sometimes thought when I was single. I then had judgments about the situation and myself. But ultimately the fear for the opinion of others is often a projection of a silent conviction in ourselves. Because it is (ultimately) yours, you can do something with it.

Can you accept your situation as it is now? With or without a partner? If you are unable to accept this, accept that you cannot (yet) do that. In this way you also come to inner peace. If this succeeds, you are already a rich person – and love follows from the inner peace.

5) Discover the love in you

The most important thing I learned about love is that we are love ourselves, in our deepest core. If we look beyond our personality, love and consciousness remain. The invitation I found in this message: ‘get to know yourself.’ Getting better. Learn to be with yourself. To enjoy your own company. Your pure being. The silence, love, unity and harmony in you. Which you find behind the tumult of thoughts and emotions.

Discover what it’s like to increasingly ‘come home to yourself’. With everything you learn and discover, this becomes easier and easier. This can be done while you have a partner, and just as well without. This growth process (which you follow yourself, but do not have to do all by yourself) means that you are satisfied with yourself. As a result, you no longer lean on your partner, or you stop looking outside yourself for what you already carry in your core.

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