From pleasing to feeling what you desire

Staying out of your burnout

From pleasing to feeling what you desire

We are so used to pleasing and conforming to the masculine culture of hard work that we often pass ourselves by without realizing it. We continue on willpower and do not dwell on how something feels. We can even burn out. The feminine approach of daring to feel what is there can mean a breakthrough. How do you do that?

Without feeling you will never get to discover your desire, or your mission , that which really calls you in this life.

To please is hard work

From pleasing to feeling what you desire

Grace learned to ‘step the door’ from her parents and Anne learned from her father that she had to ‘do her very best to achieve something. Many of us have been given this advice and they have taken us far. Often we have received a good education and had jobs that offered us a good salary. This allowed us to live beautifully and do fun things. Until we got stuck.

If you, like Anne, always go to the extreme in everything, your body will become exhausted. She ended up at home with a burnout. During her reintegration into work, the question arose: what am I going to do now? Not back to the old work, which had made her so overwrought. ‘I struggled as a midwife for 17 years, never again. I can no longer have that phone with me 24/7 and be ready for a delivery day and night.’

Sometimes the feeling is grieving

She wept tears. “I’ve wanted a natural obstetrics practice for years. That was the holy grail. If that’s no longer possible, then I don’t know what will.’ Saying goodbye to her own practice brought her into a grieving process. ‘I can’t look ahead yet, I have to look around me first. To the wreckage. Now I’m finally getting around to feeling what it’s all done to me.’

From pleasing to feeling what you desire

After grief came relief. ‘Fortunately, that plodding and pleasing is no longer necessary.’ Then she could envision what could make her happy again. ‘A practice for crying babies, in which I offer coaching and massages.’ But she got stuck in shaping this practice. “I keep hearing the cry of the unborn children. I have to be there to help them land on Earth. I feel torn. What kind of practice do I need now?’

Do anything you want

“Can’t you make a combination of obstetrics and a coaching practice, in which you both give birth and offer coaching and massages?” I asked.

“But I don’t want to do more than one delivery a month for the first year,” she replied promptly. She had obviously thought about that.

‘Isn’t that possible? It’s your practice, you can decide that yourself, right?’

She was silent for a moment. The disbelief on her face was followed by a radiant grin. ‘Suddenly I see what has been in front of me all this time: a form in which I can do what I feel called to do and in which I can be true to my high sensitivity. Why didn’t I see that?’

Because we weren’t raised that way. We learn that we must choose. It’s either or. So Anne thought it should be either a midwifery practice or a coaching practice.

It does not occur to us that it can also be done and-and, in a way that suits who we are. Fortunately, one question at the right time could make the penny drop. Well, after months of conversations about different possibilities, living through pain and frustration, intuitive writing exercises, and making collages.

From pleasing to longing

From pleasing to feeling what you desire

The fact that we often had to step over our feelings as children did not only lead to adapted women who go to great lengths to meet all expectations. It has also ensured that as adults we sometimes do not even dare to desire. Like, Grace. ‘I think I should have known a long time ago what I want in terms of work, but I can’t get to it. I don’t sit down to write, I just keep doing things for others.’ So she was stuck in ‘need to know and ‘don’t know’‘. How do you get out of such a stalemate?

It wasn’t until Grace let go of the idea that she had to do something that she could sit down quietly. Then she felt pain between her shoulder blades and also fatigue. Writing made things clear to her. “I get to invite myself to be who I am, and embrace everything I feel.” Then the desire could make itself known. ‘I want to create.’ However seemingly small, this too is a real breakthrough. From running away from your desire to sitting down and letting everything go.

Feeling: offering a feminine bed

Without feeling you will never get to discover your desire, or your mission, that which really calls you in this life. Then you are always pleased and exhausting yourself. For Grace, the process of shaping what she wants still takes some time and that’s a good thing. You cannot speed up the process. It is important that you do it. By embracing everything in yourself and not excluding anything.

If we can offer this feminine bed to ourselves, if we dare to surrender to the flow of what we feel, then we break a magical barrier. Then we break through from the limited reality where we have to choose to a much grander reality where we can do what we want. That is exciting.

It can help to act like a caring mother who lovingly takes her inner child by the hand. And says: ‘Come on, I’m with you, nothing can happen to you.’ If we can trust that we are safe, we can finally come home to our feminine essence and work in a world full of unprecedented possibilities.


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