Thursday, December 1, 2022
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Helping in the New Age

For the most part, decades ago, we got rid of the “holiness” and supposed omniscience of professions like doctors, pastors, and teachers. This is often a movement that is made out of deposition, just as an adolescent detaches himself from his parents in order to investigate and shape his individuality.

Rejection often persists for a long time after the push-off movement; the person we dissociate from has been relegated to the realm of the odious, and this person is often still subject and object to cast our grievances and disappointments upon, if only in thought. All the time this other is rejected, there is no energy to undergo change and to appropriate it.

But luckily there is the therapist, coach, counselor, counselor, or one of the countless training institutes. And here repeats the pattern of what I call “the therapist’s arrogance”. Where in former times one knew nothing else and, as it were, out of ignorance, credulity and a little-developed consciousness surrendered to an ascribed holiness or supposed omniscience of the other; there is now alleged self-awareness.

Supposedly, because the therapist, coach, counselor (etc) has also taken the “I know” chair, and it’s nicely packaged. For there is talk of love, or cosmic consciousness, or healing;

all beautiful, loving and auspicious words that we eagerly look forward to, which we are happy to pay for, where wonderful things can also be experienced and for which we are very grateful to this therapist. A new “golden promise” has arisen, a new kingdom lies ahead. A new army of “I-know-it” professionals has risen and you have once again relinquished your newly won “individuality”.

The therapist or the training institute is confirmed in his or her individuality, after all, they have learned for it, followed the most intriguing workshops and training, he or she has a lot of experience or an extraordinary intuition and it is all within your reach. Because with all this, he or she, or the institution, knows what you need. In other words: consider yourself lucky that you can pay this person to give body to your alleged individuality.

With love all mirrors are held up to you so that you can develop and transform yourself. However, if it really comes close and this new “almighty” doesn’t know anymore either, you are enveloped with statements like that it is “your karma”, or “your soul has chosen to learn something from this”. At that moment a judgment is made about you, your soul and your supposed karma. It’s an assumption at the very least, but comes close to a judgment.

In my view, it is only a necessary way out for the other person not to have to say: “I don’t know”, or “I am touched by what has happened to you, and I also don’t know why this is now, or has happened in your life”. After all, then the therapist/training institute would rid itself of something, namely of the all-knowing golden edge.

you-are-one-spiritDo I equate all therapists, coaches, trainers and the like with this? Almost, but not quite. Because there is also another route, there are -however sporadically- people who walk this other route. They are people who are not coaches, counselors or therapists, but first and foremost human beings.

Man with his own “I”, which they have fathomed and have not stopped doing. People who practice their profession from liveliness, inspiration, presence and in connection with the life stream. People who recognize what their strength is and where their pain or learning points lie and recognize these.

People who do not hold up a mirror to you in all their brilliance or concern for you and your problem, but those who also have the guts to look in the mirror themselves. Also in relation to you. Doesn’t every therapist or coach do this? Yes, certainly they are, after all, they are thoroughly trained. However, it usually remains with “doing”, where the therapist I am talking about does not “do”, but “is”. This one is”.

And what makes this “is”? It makes you, as a person, also “are” or “can be”. You are not a customer, client, patient or student, you are not just a person seeking help or needing help; you are “I that is”. And what is then possible, what then arises are two forces: the power and acknowledgment of your own-ness, your inner-own-way can be used. This is the common thread in the collaboration with the therapist, coach or counselor.

This is possible because the therapist does not “need” your recognition, your eminence towards him or her. By asking him or her for help or guidance, you are already recognizing him or her in his or her skills, her knowledge, his or her qualities of being that match what you feel at this moment as “necessary” to go your path; to take that bump that alone is too difficult.

What qualities do both the therapist and the client need?

A fundamental willingness to see oneself and to see through any judgments, whether or not they are self-made. Openness and willingness to surrender to what is. These qualities are possible when safety is involved.

And a deep-seated confidence in self-knowledge; the self-knowledge and own rhythm of both body and mind, propelled by the soul and carried by life itself. What of old was hidden, has opened, manifested and shines today: the jewel of real self-knowledge; the inner way.

As an artistic children’s counselor, this is what I “do” with special children: be present, in the awareness that it is not about me, and only look very closely and listen to what the child says, or does not say. What speaks from his language, what can be perceived energetically? What’s missing? what does the child name, what does it indicate that it needs? what happens if we follow that?

what happens then are little gems, sparks, sparkles that I couldn’t have “thought out” and just happen. They ground the child and recognize his or her own strength. What does this ask of me? self reflection and awareness. Because sometimes I am “just” present and I think “Wow, what am I doing? I’m not doing anything!, but in that presence and in the full awareness that this child essentially knows what it takes,

That’s not my credit; my role is only to create what is needed. Create the preconditions and then it will unfold itself. Of course I have my knowledge and there is a common thread in the guidance, but this is not leading, is not limiting or dominating, because I do not take the position of knowing better, or that a child must first be able to do this , this and that before is “good enough” before it can meet the demands or expectations of others.

Also in working with children it is a meeting of two forces, from which something naturally flows for the benefit of the child at that moment. And I, as a human being only feel admiration for being able to see and experience this power, possibilities and energy during this process.

seussMy career is not very successful, because I don’t find it very special what I “do” or “can”. For me it is only natural that I only open myself to enter into conversation, literally and figuratively, with the child and to work from there. Until I came into contact with a therapist who mirrors me in his work with me from his Being. He has the guts, the courage and his own-ness to follow my inner way in my process.

That’s one force. It really takes guts and courage to dare to put one’s own ideas aside in order to dare to follow the trail of the other’s own way. Putting it aside is not the same as getting rid of it. You don’t have to get rid of your own ideas and knowledge. Just the willingness to put them aside temporarily, not to propose them, not to present them as the only possibility.

The second strength is his knowledge, his skills, his experience and his individuality in an area that is foreign to me and which I can make my own, or on which I can rely, because I do not have those skills and qualities.

By asking for his guidance, I fully acknowledge his qualities and possibilities on a certain layer. By opening myself to both forces, the courage to face myself as well as to show the other what is there, through both self-sages unfolds what is needed for my recovery; at a pace, rhythm and intensity that my Being can handle, because it is carried by the two forces brought together.

There is art there, there is unspoken mutual respect, there is reality, for the other is who he is with everything he carries in him and I am who I am with everything I carry in me. May it be there and meet it in full dignity, then something will unfold. Then unfolds what can be “born”; as a “result” of the meeting and cooperation of two fundamental inner self-wills. Not a chased result, but a reality that has unfolded.


You may be wondering: “Yes, but if that inner self-will is so wise, and really knows it all, then there is no need for a therapist, coach or counselor?” No, a therapist, coach or counselor is not necessary.

What is needed is a person who can and dares to go along with what the innerness stubborn indicates. And often this person is available in his or her function as a therapist, coach or counselor; and who has got rid of any form or degree of arrogance.

In life events occur that call for support, for support. The art then is to stand next to someone, knowing yourself and being willing to walk with it, to descend with what is there, without taking over, in full presence, in contact with to recognize and dare to follow your own way and the self -wisdom of the person next to you.

And undoubtedly it happens that one of the two conceited sages is mistaken, or that it does not quite fit in. If that too is simply acknowledged by both, the energy will automatically find itself again and continue on its way.

sproutThe new provision of help calls for: step out of the position of knowing better, of standing against the other. Step out of the position of the great and the small, the master and the apprentice.

Acknowledge who you are, recognize who is next to you; recognize both forces, pure in the willingness to look at oneself with what is, pure in recognizing one’s own pain and impatience, pure in looking at what the other dares to show you in his or her pain, sorrow, beauty , power; thanks to the respected and received inner stubbornness.

May this contribution inspire you and may it be an invitation to all parents who recognize their child’s inner self-will; even if this person needs support from you or from someone in whom you trust in your own way for the well-being of your child.


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