‘Connecting’ is the magic word for high-sensitivity coach Irene Langeveld. Connecting with yourself, with others, with nature. She helps you with online courses, consultations and meditations to get out of your head and land in your heart. In this blog she gives advice on how to stay true to yourself during a conversation.
You not only give yourself, but also the other the gift of your presence.
If you are highly sensitive, you can easily sense and take over the emotions or unrest of others. The latter especially happens when you are not well connected with yourself. If you then come close to someone who is, for example, very stressed, there is a good chance that you will also become restless. You don’t even have to be in the same room for this! It can just as well occur during video calling or telephone calls. You may have felt fine before the interview, and completely out of balance afterwards.
Often two things happen during such a conversation:
1) You take over the restlessness and/or emotions of the other. You are, as it were, drawn into it.
2) Afterwards, keep repeating the conversation in your mind. Your mind is “digesting” the conversation and perhaps analyzing what you could or should have done better. So you get stuck in what happened and this affects the rest of your day.
How can you better keep to yourself? How can you stay in the moment? Here are some tips you can apply before, during, and after an interview.
Before the conversation: make sure you have a solid foundation
If you are going to connect with someone who poses a challenge to you, it is advisable to ‘ground’ well in advance. Go through your body with attention and/or move well. Then feel your connection to the floor or the earth. This gives you a solid foundation to start the conversation with.
During the conversation: keep a little attention to yourself
Try to keep a small part of your attention in your own body during the conversation. For example, feel your feet while listening to the other person. This prevents you from being completely dragged into the restlessness or emotions of the other person. It ensures that you can better keep to yourself. You can also use your breath as an anchor.
It may seem like you’re not giving your full attention to the other person, but actually the opposite is true. By keeping a small part of the attention on your body, you are more present. Where normally you might be listening and at the same time already thinking about what you want to say, now you can respond more from the moment and less from your head. You not only give yourself, but also others the gift of your presence.
After the conversation: come back to the now
After the conversation it is important to make a conscious transition. You let go of what has been, let go of what is not yours and welcome what is now. This way you can approach the rest of the day openly and you are no longer busy with a conversation that is already over.
How do you create such a transition? For example, you can shake your body: your hands, your feet, your hips, your whole body. In this way you shake off ‘that which has been’. It is a reset of your body and it brings you into the here and now. If you’re short on time, this is a very nice and quick option.
Taking a walk is also a way to come back to this moment. Consciously connect with nature – use your senses to do this. See the tree in the street, hear the sound of the birds.
Still not feeling completely refreshed? Then it makes sense to consciously let go of the other person’s emotions. For example, you can imagine that all unrest flows into the earth through your feet.
Irene Langeveld teaches the online course ‘Coming home to yourself – Dealing with high sensitivity’‘. This consists of guided meditations and exercises to better stay with yourself and let go of what is not yours. On her site you will find a free preview: the mini-series ‘In balance with high sensitivity’.