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Ho’oponopono: How to forgive others with love and compassion


Learning how to forgive and extend love and compassion to others is one of the most important things we can learn. 

Holding on to grievances hurts ourselves more than anything anyone else could ever do to us. It obscures the light that shines within us and cuts us off from the experience of being connected to God and love.

Conditions of Forgiveness

In learning to forgive, we must first reach a point where personal peace and happiness are more important than the desire to be right.

While getting to that point can take a long time in some cases, eventually the discomfort becomes too painful to banish someone from your heart. When we do that, we withhold love from a part of ourselves and there is nothing more painful than that.

Before we can learn how to forgive others, some self-healing has usually already taken place. The first step is recognizing that we are in pain. Nothing can be healed until we admit it and take responsibility for it. After that it is easier to extend compassion, love and forgiveness to others.

Another reason it helps to forgive ourselves first is that it helps to see our own underlying wounds and how they cause us to react indiscriminately. This makes it easier to see that others’ reactions are motivated by their wounds. With this understanding we begin to open, soften, and move toward letting go of grievances.

We learn how to forgive others for healing because there is really only one Being, and that is all of us together. Even though we may seem to forgive someone outside of us, we are all One. lightworker Letting go of your birth family

 Ho’oponopono:  Opening the Door to Forgiveness

Ho’oponopono arose from the fact that all life is connected and all consists of the same essence. Furthermore, we create everything that occurs in our lives, large or small, through the vibrations that are dominant in our being. We are a human projector.

We project the vibrations outwards and create images and dramas that are a reflection of the vibrations within us. If it is in our life, it comes from within, otherwise it cannot exist. This applies to all people and situations in our lives. As I stated in my first article (on personal responsibility), we are personally responsible for everything we say, do, feel and experience.

An example: 10 people can visit the same party and all ten can have a unique experience, meet different people, have different conversations and all ten can have a different perspective about the evening.

Each of the ten people will experience parts of themselves at that party, which are completely different for the other 9 people, who also all experience unique parts of themselves.

dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, is known for curing a ward of criminally insane patients at Hawaii State Hospital without ever treating any of them. He hasn’t even met them, except to play tennis now and then or during other recreational activities.

Instead of the normal psychological treatments, Dr. Len Ho’oponopono. Without meeting the prisoner, he studied their map. From the perspective that there is really only One Being (WE), he looked within himself to see how he had created the mental illness in that person.

Then he healed that part of himself that had caused this disease in them, by focusing on that condition love. He took personal responsibility for whatever he saw that needed to be healed.

From this perspective, he ignored the assumption that we are all conditioned, that there is a boundary between you and me.

Focusing on one person, he said, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you,” over and over, day after day. This is the essence of Ho’oponopono and it is all he did.

Full Responsibility 

Learning to forgive is actually taking responsibility for your life, in a deeper and broader way than most have ever considered. Full responsibility means that everything in our life is our responsibility. Everything.

This means every person who comes into our life as well as their deeds/actions, everything we see, hear and experience is there because they are a reflection of something in us.

By the law of attraction , nothing can be in our life without us resonating with it in some way. It couldn’t be in our life if it wasn’t a vibrational match with something in us, whether we’re aware of it or not.

What we focus our attention on manifests itself in our lives. The thoughts we have create reflections of the same vibrations. So basically we create them. Everyone creates the world in which he/she lives.

This means that if we see a politician or even a terrorist and don’t like what we see, it’s actually a part of ourselves that we see and it’s shown so that we can heal it. Others simply do not exist, except as projections of our inner self. They are not the problem, because there is no “they”. To change them, we must change ourselves. This is forgiven.

It seems hard to understand at first because it is so different from what we have been conditioned to believe. It is an ongoing process to live from this perspective and fully accept it.

What it comes down to is to love yourself, as the You who is all that is seen and experienced. When you love everything you experience, the world begins to change, for the outer world is a projection of your inner world.

To improve your own life, you must heal your life – and your life is You and everything in it. When we learn how to forgive, life automatically changes to a more loving atmosphere.

The results of Ho’oponopono

Ho’oponopono is a shamanic method from Hawaii that ensures that our ego aligns with our True Self.

When Dr. Len took responsibility for everything that happened to his patients, their condition improved. Basically he was working on himself and they changed because they were a reflection of him. He worked on forgiving them, as if it were himself.

In the four years that Dr. Len worked here, however, there were major changes. As the patients who had been riveted started to heal, their shackles were removed because they no longer posed a threat. Medication was gradually reduced and eventually eliminated.

The inmates got better and better and the staff stabilized and started to enjoy the work. In the end, the ward was closed, as all the patients were released. This was all the result of one man being committed to forgiveness.

Before Dr. Len joined Hawaii State Hospital, the staff turnover was very high because it was such a bleak place to live, work or visit. The heavy pull of the negative loads carried by the patients was too overwhelming for the staff in the long run.

It is important to remember that sometimes it is necessary to heal longstanding issues in layers. We must be gentle and forgiving with ourselves throughout this process, not expecting the deep wounds to heal all at once.

Even if you don’t mean it at first, do it, and your willingness will increase

The great thing about forgiveness is that this Ho’oponopono technique works even if you resist it at first.

By saying a few simple sentences you make contact with the superconscious and the programs that dominate the subconscious are permanently burned away. These sentences are:

I’m sorry (I’m sorry)

Please forgive me (Please forgive me)

I love you (I love you)

Thank you (Thank you)

Always say these phrases, especially when problems arise. You will see that the moment you say to yourself or the universe  I love you,  the fear and annoyance disappear. Pure love and harmony take its place. Practicing Ho’oponopono will immediately make you feel better. It’s like entering another world.

The four phrases are  keys  that allow the energy of the universe to flow into consciousness. Then that energy clears all kinds of old programs that are in the subconscious.

These are programs that deal with eg fear, self-pity, pain, disappointment, imposed standards, etc. So it is not about affirmations, but keys  that free the energy of the subconscious and help to let go of old programs.
Practitioners of Ho’oponopono talk about  cleansing , cleansing, becoming free from old pain.

A large part of the effects is achieved by the four phrases. However, there are some exercises to stimulate the process.

Stimulating meditative awareness: breathing technique

©  Roeland de Looff 

An important condition for successfully practicing Ho’oponopono is watching your thoughts. See when old thoughts come up from outdated programs and realize when it is especially necessary to use the four phrases.

There is a good practice to train the meditative awareness:

  • Inhale as you count to 10.
  • Then hold your breath for some time.
  • Exhale as you count to 10.
  • Do this a total of 10 times.

You can keep track of this by raising a finger on your hand every time you do this breathing exercise. When all fingers are up, you’re done.

Doing this regularly helps to calm down and stimulate meditative awareness. In addition, breathing also frees you from unconscious programs and negative (astral) energies. According to Dr. Hew Len, besides unconscious programs we also have to deal with negative astral energies that stick to us. The breathing technique cleanses us from that.

 loose Letting go of your birth family

Cleaning everything around you: touch

Grab a pen or staff that you use to touch objects while visualizing that you are cleansing them of negative and old energy. Do this especially with your computer, furniture or (unpleasant) letters.

You can also simply touch things with a finger while visualizing that you are cleaning them. This creates harmony and aligns those objects with your True Self. While touching them you can say the phrase “I love you”.

The space around you can also be cleaned. Visualize all the negative energies in the space you are in going out the window and positive healing energy coming in from the cosmos. 

Cleaning your body, colored water

 to drink waterDrink a lot of water. Almost everyone drinks too little water, which leads to damage to health. A special Ho’oponopono technique is working with colored water. Buy a colored glass bottle and put water in it. Place the bottle in the sun for 1 hour. Then drink this special water. You can also wash or brush your teeth with it.

dr. Lew recommends using a blue bottle and thus drinking water that contains the properties of blue. However, in my opinion, other colors could also suffice, depending on what the person needs. Blue bottles are hard to get.

Green bottles are often used for wine and are therefore available in every supermarket. Green is known in color therapy as a beneficial and soothing color. It is a color that can calm the mind.

Green is also the dominant color of the heart chakra (fourth chakra). Blue is often associated with the throat chakra. Blue gives peace, tranquility, belief in others, spiritual insight and purification. Green gives healing, growth, love and rest.

Blessing water with the intention of, for example, Love, is also a possibility.

The Eraser Technique

Write down a problem. Fold the paper on which you described the problem or put it in an envelope. Take an eraser and tap on the paper with the eraser. Ask the universe to erase all memories associated with this problem and turn them into pure light.

After you have asked this once, you can repeat the four sentences during the further tapping . (  Written by © Roeland de Looff/ ) 

Forgiveness disconnects the ego

If you start with Ho’oponopono, you will probably find that your investment in being right or wanting to separate from the other is being dismantled. Boundaries seem to melt and the underlying truth of connection with the person shows itself naturally.

I think this is the reason it works. At the core, there is no separation between us, no matter what anyone has done. Withholding love from someone creates the illusion of separation. Saying the phrases melts that illusion away.

  • Letting go of negative ties
  • I deliver you in wholeness
  • I forgive you
  • I forgive myself
  • I give you permission to forgive me
  • I give you permission to forgive yourself

Repeating these words over and over releases the negativity on a much deeper level.

Sometimes the negative bond is quite strong and you have to repeat this process more often. In other cases, there may be more than one energetic cord to pull out.

In still other cases, the other person’s energy may be entangled with yours and you will have to roll it out of yourself. In all these cases I suggest saying the forgiveness words while doing this, it is very effective.

As mentioned before, it is not necessary that you feel willing to forgive someone if you say the words at the beginning. I guarantee that if you keep repeating the words, your heart will be ready at some point.

If you feel called to do the exercise anyway, it indicates that your heart really wants to learn to forgive, but because it is negative energy, it will color your thoughts. Keep repeating it and you will release the energy.

Self forgiveness is essential

I’ve talked before about how to learn to forgive yourself and that this is just as important as forgiving someone else. It’s actually the same. If we judge ourselves negatively, we will also judge others negatively on this aspect. It freezes love and joy.

When we are aware that Ho’oponopono is available, we can say the phrases directly to ourselves – to the train of thought of self-judgment. This releases judgment, revealing the love that is always underlying as we learn to forgive better. By doing this you free yourself from the chains that keep your heart trapped and pulled together.

Forgive and harmonize groups

A powerful way to bring harmony to a group is to do the Ho’oponopono during a gathering. Look around the room, focus on one person at a time and say the phrases inwardly, repeating until you feel love for that person.

If you work with groups, you can also do this before the meeting. Go through the list of registered participants, focusing on each individual and saying the words until you feel love flowing.

It clarifies what is playing on the surface in the group so that by the time the meeting is over you can get to the purpose of the meeting more quickly.

We can also do this to a politician we see on TV, to anyone, who we feel resistance to. It reminds us that they are not separate from us, but that resistance is our problem and responsibility to heal.

This is something powerful to do together for the planet and for all of us. Visualize the planet in front of you and say the phrases. Repeat until you feel love flowing from your being.

I’ve found that if I do this a few times, I see a lot more evidence of love in the world. This is the way to heal the planet. By healing ourselves, by learning to forgive, we heal the world.

The only way to be happy is to learn to forgive. What continues to create suffering is the fact that we don’t want to take responsibility for our lives and project all the misery onto others. This isn’t about anyone else, it’s about all of us. If we feel negatively about someone, it is we who are in pain.

Everything that happens to us is a reflection of our own mind. As a result, we usually unconsciously create and design everything that happens. Once we realize that, we can’t blame anyone else for what happens to or in our lives. This realization is essential before we can fully learn to forgive.


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