So it’s a good thing the family has an incredibly tolerant cat. Because when Marli strokes the cat, it goes impetuously, when she picks her up, the paws fly through the air. Every other cat had already lashed out, but not Susi: she lets it all happen. Dad does occasionally pick up such a look from the cat’s eyes, for example when Mari has put her in the crib like a doll, ‘Help! Get me out of here!’.
Because in principle there is nothing wrong with her motor skills or empathy (Marli can be very precise when necessary, and also when someone else is in pain, she can be gentle and empathetic) and there seems to be fear and anxiety behind her behavior , Marli’s father and I decide to have a second regression session for his daughter to see if we can find and heal the source of her behavior.
Marli is not present herself, we then work remotely through father. Of course she gave her permission in advance (“What are you going to do then, Daddy?” “Well, we’re going to see if we can help you.” “As long as you don’t talk about me!” “No, we’re going to talk to you .” “Okay, then it’s good.”)
Regression through the parent
Regression through the parent with a child is somewhat like systemic work, or family constellations: only it goes a bit deeper. When regressing with a child through one of the parents , we work with the child as we would if it were physically present.
We respect her boundaries, follow her and listen to what she herself indicates, experiences and feels. If necessary, we also involve the wisdom of her own Higher Being. With very young children it is not always possible to ask for permission verbally; then we ask permission from the Higher Being of the child.
That children can stand up for themselves very well with regression at a distance, was shown earlier in a session with Godelieve of 4. When we make contact with Godelieve, her father takes her lap in her mind. I address her as ‘Goddess.
‘Father says: ‘Gosh, I can see that face of hers very clearly and she says: ‘No, Daddy, it’s Godelie-ve.’ Oops, of course, my mistake! It is very important that the therapist pronounces your name correctly. So much fun, working with headstrong 4 year old girls.
Guilt and criticism
When we discuss her behavior in more detail with Marli in preparation for the session of 8, it becomes clear that Marli especially speaks loudly when there is a threat of criticism or injustice. Just when it looks like she might be blamed or getting less than she’s due, the volume knob goes up — and stays high. As if she is trying to ward off something with her words that makes her very anxious.
In the session, Dad connects with Marli just by focusing on her and connecting with her energy. We look for the feeling behind her behavior. There is fear, a lot of fear. And it has to do with injustice: there’s a feeling behind it that something really bad has happened, something she couldn’t do anything about, but she’s being looked at. Something that looks like a force majeure, as if arrows are suddenly coming at you from all sides and there’s nothing you can do to stop them.
When I help father to sink more into Marli’s feelings, it becomes clear: the cause is not in her short girl life. It goes further back to a past life . She’s a man. Someone in charge of a troop of soldiers. They are ambushed. Suddenly there is a big flash, a loud bang and everyone is dead. Everyone except him. It’s a massacre. But even if people don’t say anything afterwards, he is still looked at. As if they blamed him, even though he couldn’t help it.
But there is something strange about the revival. How can it be that everyone is dead except him? As a regression therapist, I suspect that the man may not realize that he is dead and thinks he is still alive. This often happens with a sudden, traumatic death: it seems like everyone is ignoring and rejecting you, but that’s not true: people simply can’t see you anymore because you no longer have a body! But the truth goes even further.
Because Marli’s past life is still stiff from the shock of the traumatic experience, let’s first let him breathe out the shock energy. What a relief. Now he can feel his body again, his emotions, because he couldn’t feel them anymore. Just like Marli can no longer feel her limits in this life. Then it becomes clear what really happened. Because the story was not finished yet: the man in charge of the soldiers, Mari’s past life, had indeed been hit and lay bleeding on the ground, the only one who seemed to be alive.
And then a man comes to him. He appears to be a soldier of his own party. He looks at him with eyes full of hatred. He pulls out his gun and shoots him in the head. It seems as if his own people are shooting him for looking at him (literally) for letting himself be lured into defeat and killing his entire group. But wait a minute…
When he looks closer, he sees that the man is a stranger. An opposing infiltrator, but in the uniform of his own troops. It was a rest. This is the man who caused them to be ambushed. This was the man who looked at him with eyes full of hatred. His own people don’t blame him at all. He was killed by the enemy but didn’t realize it in his shock. Relief. peace. Finally it’s clear.
Then he feels a pain in his head: in exactly the same place where Marli often complains about pain in her head. It’s the pain of the gunshot wound. If we help the man to let go of his body, the pain will go away on its own. Now it’s good. I suggest that he makes contact with his men and that’s okay too: they don’t blame him. It’s all okay. The man floats quietly upwards, finally at rest.
Two weeks later I see Marli’s father again. Marli has made a U-turn: since a few days after her session, now when she gets into the stress and emotion again, she automatically goes back to herself, lands, turns her volume down again and names her feeling instead of firing into it . A huge difference!
Something in her still makes sure that she strokes the cat as impetuously as ever. Apparently there is something else behind it. Susi will have to be patient for a while: that is material for another session.