Anger is essentially not directed against the other. Not even to yourself. It is there before you. When do you get angry? Especially when something doesn’t go the way you would like. When you have a desire and you don’t get the chance to realize it, it leads to frustration and anger.
Anger is mainly associated with darkness, violence, and war. This is the image you are brought up with from an early age. In the fairy tales, lightness stands for good and the evil witch is mainly symbolized by darkness and violence. However, it is a concept, not the truth. After all, the night and the dark are also metaphors for rest and recovery. Anger is essentially nothing but joy.
Only the head has put a certain sticker on it, whereby we experience one as nice, pleasant, positive, and light and the other as difficult, complicated, negative, and not okay. But just before you put that sticker on it, they are sensations that can tell you exactly which way to go.
Angry and frustrated
In fact; one cannot exist without the other. You only know what it’s like to be very happy if you also know what it’s like to be sad. You only know what it’s like to have a lot of confidence if you also know what it’s like to be very insecure. So you also know what it’s like to have a sense of accomplishment if you also know what it’s like to be angry or frustrated. And all too often we only want the bright, happy, and happy parts of our lives and want to get away from the sad, awkward, and dark side as soon as possible. And therefore as soon as possible away from feelings such as anger.
And that’s how you learned it: when you used to be angry, and maybe you do it yourself now from parenthood, you were soothed by your father or your mother: quiet, here you have something tasty and come back when you are calmer. Instead of: Wow, I see you’re angry, what is it that you really want, but can’t get it right now?
Three ways to deal with anger
There are roughly three ways to deal with your anger. The first is destructive. By deliberately wanting to damage something or the other in word or in deed. This also logically leads to the second form, namely suppressing your anger. We are often afraid of the enormous energy in anger that we would rather control and suppress it. However, this makes it look like a volcano; the pressure slowly builds up and then eventually erupts. Then often at an unexpected and unreasonable moment that is no longer in proportion to the current situation. And that’s when she becomes uncontrollable.
If you nevertheless manage to suppress it willfully and strategically, so that the anger finds no way out, where does it go? Then she punches in. When this enormous energy rushes in, you can imagine how destructive that can be. Not expressing your anger in a healthy way will make you absolutely sick sooner or later. What does contribute to the relationship between you and yourself? By connecting with the anger and frustration and seeing and recognizing these feelings as something that is there before you. Namely, that underneath that anger there is a great desire.
What is it that wants to be wanted so badly, but has not yet been given the chance to express itself? Only by letting the anger be true can this desire surface and become visible. Whether it’s about making a painting, putting together a kit or the wish to be seen, or have a loving and warm relationship; by making contact with your anger and frustration, it connects you directly with what you deeply want. By suppressing your anger you block this gateway.
It is therefore valuable to allow it and to pay attention to it. Maybe not the nicest place to stay, but a very promising one. From that place you can, step by step, initiate a movement towards realizing your desire: What is it that makes me so terribly angry? What is it that I would like so much? What can I do now, given the circumstances, so that I can get a little closer to my desire?