Admitting your anger is the first step. Highly sensitive people often have trouble with anger . We feel a lingering unease, but the real anger is difficult to surface. And expressing this presents us with another problem. Do you dare to feel anger? And then what do you do with this? What are your beliefs about anger?
And: by allowing anger, you will eventually experience less anger.
The function of anger
Anger is part of our range of emotions. We are naturally equipped with it . It is important to accept this as part of us and not to reject it. Anger has a function and we can use it. When we deny this emotion, we deny a part of us. As a result, uncomfortable feelings lie dormant in our subconscious and grow on an unconscious level with every unpleasant event.
By looking at these feelings consciously, this mountain shrinks. In later events, our anger will feel like a small campfire instead of a volcano (under the skin). And eventually fade out further and further .
The origin of blockages
Not being able to feel or express anger is caused by energetic blockages. These often arise at a young age. Following painful events and traumas. The energy that was released at that moment in the form of emotions, has become fixed in the energetic body. There may also be a karmic pattern that has been passed on from your parents or ancestors.
Energetic blockages make it difficult to steer your own course. You want to move on, but you constantly run into problems. These manifest in the form of negative thoughts, inability to express feelings, recurring problems with others, often in the same pattern. And in physical and psychological complaints.. In short: your life is not going the way you would like it to.
When we experience bad feelings, many of us tend to suppress them instead of admitting them. When we grew up in a family where there was no room for emotions, no talk about bad events, this is even more difficult.
How did your (ancestors) parents view emotions? Was there room for this or was the intention to suppress it and “mainly carry on and not whine”?
If you grew up in such a family, you were not taught from an early age what emotions are and what we should do with them: cry out, scream, talk about them or express our emotions in a creative way. Live through and express yourself in a way that feels right to you.
How did your parents and other family members experience your sensitivity? If you are there or did you experience problems because of your being different? As a highly sensitive childyou see through people, feel on a deeper level whether the other is authentic or not. You just “know” things. This “being different” can cause clashes with other family members. When you mention things as a child, there is a chance that you will incur the wrath of family members.
How dare you put your finger on the sore spot?! For many parents, having a child looking right through them is quite confronting. This can get quite a bit of disapproval. When you have to deal with strong reactions, you learn from an early age to keep your thoughts to yourself and to show your feelings less. If something happens that goes beyond your limits, there is a chance that you do not dare to mention it. This creates a block to express yourself and indicate your limits.
The mechanism that has arisen within the family is anchored in your energetic system. You carry this mechanism with you, which makes it difficult to name things and indicate boundaries to people outside the family. We leave it alone, ignore our anger, shrug our shoulders and go about the business.
Another cause of the development of an emotional block is the multitude of problems in the family where you grow up. Marriage problems between parents, brothers or sisters that require a lot of attention, major events. All of this can contribute to a highly sensitive child developing a blockage.
There are already so many problems that it adapts like a chameleon to the circumstances. Even when it feels that it is being neglected, that someone is going beyond his or her limits. The anger felt when someone crosses the line is suppressed.
And the enormous empathic capacity adds to this: mom or dad reacts like this because they are having a hard time. Where one’s own feelings are subordinated.
Anger as a signal
When clients talk about grief that has happened to them, I always ask how they deal with anger in their lives. Many highly sensitive people have difficulty with the emotion of anger. The fact that because of your high sensitivity you understand the other person and even feel him or her, makes it even more difficult.
That makes us quickly inclined to forgive the other person and let the incident be. With that we park it in our subconscious.
Anger acts as a red flag: something is happening here that goes against your feelings and will. It is a healthy mechanism that makes us alert and aware. Pay attention to these feelings when they arise. Instead of going over to the order of the day, at that moment you consciously dwell on this emotion: what exactly makes you angry?
Sometimes the anger is a blazing fire and it is impossible to look at it consciously. Then it is advisable to first give vent to this fire. But in many people the anger lies dormant on a subconscious level, palpable as a vague feeling of unease. In that sense, it is advisable to fan the fire, so that the underlying emotions can be felt more clearly.
By keeping your mind on the incident. Don’t turn away from it. Dare to feel anger, allow it. When your anger is palpable, let it out. In that moment, feel what works for you: yelling, hitting, kicking. It’s like opening a valve in your system: the accumulated energy can get out. For me at the time it felt like a revelation to allow and live anger.
When the energetic charge is off, your core becomes palpable. This creates space for other feelings: sadness, compassion, compassion, love.
After the discharge, it is important to gain insight into the origin of your anger.
Ask yourself: Was another person involved in its creation? If so, what was his or her role? Did you perhaps (also) have a role in the origin of the pain? Did you make a choice that wasn’t right for you? Perhaps your intuition has already whispered it to you.
We should be careful not to refer to this as “own fault”. Look at it as cause and effect, with an open mind. And realize that we are all in a learning process, where “right and wrong” is a way of thinking that does not fit in.
It’s hard to look at ourselves honestly. It is human nature to initially look for the blame outside oneself in the event of problems. Away from the pain. We see pain as something that comes from outside and that feels very threatening.
And it is even more threatening to realize that we ourselves had a part in it. Allow this feeling and acknowledge what you could have done differently. With compassion for yourself.
Allowing leads to awareness
Allowing feelings helps you to discover yourself. Who are you at your core: what are your desires, your preferences? And what doesn’t suit you so well, what do you like less?
You become more aware of what you like and don’t like. As a result, you come into contact with your intuition more and more. You feel which direction you want to go and which direction you certainly don’t.
This is the core of the ancient gnosis: remember yourself.
Cosmically we are one.
When you are aware of yourself, you are ready for outward growth. On a cosmic level, everything is one, we are energetically connected to the world around us. When we become more aware of who we are, we are better able to connect with the cosmos: with other people, nature and the divine.
We then have less and less to hide behind our own fortress in order not to get hurt. Or to protect ourselves from outside energies. As our inner core grows, outside energies have less and less influence on us.
You will notice that people and situations cause fewer and fewer emotions in you. You are at rest, you become milder and you focus less on yourself. By allowing anger you become less angry.
You have found and tamed the fiery dragon in you.