How to recognize a toxic relationship

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Tips To Stop Mental & Emotional Abuse
A toxic relationship is a connection that is harmful to you. You could say that a toxic relationship is the worst form of “negative human energetic contagion”; it affects you inside and out. It negatively affects the way you view the world, and more importantly, the way you view yourself.

In a toxic relationship, you may feel like you are losing more and more of yourself. You often cannot name it, but slowly but surely you lose a piece of your own identity. You often no longer know who you really are, what you want and what you can do to feel better. If you suspect you are in a toxic relationship, this first part of the book will help you confirm or challenge your suspicions. You also get options what you can do next to detoxify.

Not all toxic relationships are the same

The term “toxic relationships” encompasses a broad spectrum of all kinds of connections. At one end of the spectrum, the poison in the relationship is mild. It’s just the unintended byproduct of two “normal” people who just don’t know how to maintain a healthy relationship with each other. There may be a lack of personal boundaries and poor communication due to emotional and mental immaturity, often caused by childhood pain and trauma. When there are unhealed childhood wounds in one or both partners, problems can arise, such as dependence, toxic projection and fear. As a result, one or both partners often do not know how to deal with conflicting interests, desires, values ​​or beliefs in a healthy way.

At this end of the spectrum of mildly toxic relationships, these can be complex problems to solve, but they don’t have to stay that way. At the other end of the spectrum are the highly toxic relationships, and then it’s a whole different story. That is the case when it comes to relationships with narcissists, psychopaths or other people with severe personality disorders. That is a recipe for extreme abuse and suffering.

Every relationship is different and has different dynamics, but you can identify some common characteristics of toxic relationships. When you become aware of these signs and learn to recognize them, you can protect yourself from more heartache.

One of the most important things that can indicate a toxic relationship is simply how you feel. You may feel exhausted and/or depressed. You also feel that the relationship is costing you more energy than it is giving you.

Is this relationship worth saving?

If you’re still struggling to figure out if your relationship is/wasn’t toxic or not, here are some questions to ask yourself about your relationship.

  • Do I feel free to be who I am and do what I want?
  • Does this relationship make me feel good about myself?
  • Do I feel nervous or easy with my partner?
  • Does this relationship give me more energy than it costs me?
  • Is this relationship based on honesty and trust?
  • Are my personal needs met?
  • Will my partner and I grow together, or will one partner grow at the expense of the other?
  • Does this relationship bring out the best in me?
  • Do I feel safe, supported and valued?
  • Does this relationship have the potential to make me feel loved, safe, and fulfilled?
  • Does my partner respect my moral, sexual and emotional boundaries?
  • Do I feel heard, seen and respected by my partner?
  • Can I openly express my thoughts and feelings with my partner?
  • Is my partner showing remorse for wrongdoing?
  • Do I feel equal to my partner?
  • Is my partner feeding me emotionally and mentally?
  • Can I trust and build on my partner?
  • Do I feel free to change and grow in my relationship?
  • Is there a mutual desire to work on problems?

The more you answer “no,” the more likely you are to be in a toxic relationship.

Signs Of A Toxic Relationship

You can’t ‘fix’ or ‘save’ your partner

In any case, never try to be a therapist for your partner, because that robs him or her of taking responsibility. Instead, focus on yourself and mutual growth in the relationship. This is of course only possible when two people want to work together to improve the connection. To save your relationship, it is imperative that both partners are really willing to go the extra mile and do the work. If you’re always the only one putting energy into your relationship, realize that your relationship is already dead. Then it’s time to come up with an escape plan.

 

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