Monday, February 6, 2023
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I Didn’t Treat My Husband Right, And That Wasn’t So Fair (Inspirational Story)

This is a story about how a woman came to understand through self-reflection, a situation that poses a challenge in many relationships and marriages. In this story, the woman is the starting point, but it can be filled in for both sexes.

I think we are in a very transformative time when it comes to relationships. Deep down, many people long for a “different” experience within relationships. I also believe that stories like this, even if they aren’t super deep or anything, touch the growing consciousness within us. Which challenges us to question how we behave in relationships.

The story

She begins to explain what happened:

“My ‘Aha moment’ came from a pack of mincemeat. I asked my husband to stop by the supermarket and grab some for dinner. Upon entering, he placed the pack of mincemeat on the counter. I started to unpack the rest of the stuff and realized he had just brought ground beef.

I asked, “what’s this?”

“Minced meat,” he replied, slightly confused.

“You didn’t bring the right one,” I said.

“Didn’t you do well?” he replied with a raised eyebrow. “Should I have brought a different brand or something?”

“No, you’re missing the point,” I said. “You just got ground beef. I’ve always had lean ground beef.”

He had to laugh. “Oh, is that all? I thought I had really done something wrong.”

This is probably a familiar situation for many. One partner does something with good intentions but without realizing it has not done exactly what the other asked. This can lead to the following situation, where we can become aware of our unconsciousness.

Her story continues:

“That’s how it started. I attacked him. That he wasn’t smarter than this. Why not go for the healthiest option? Did he even read the labels? Why can’t I trust him? Do I have to write everything down for him in great detail before he can get it right? And the thing that offended me the most, why wasn’t he a little more observant? How could he have missed all these years what I always buy? Does he pay attention to something I do?

And there he was, duped by my indignation, muttering answers like, “I never noticed,” “I really don’t think it’s such a big deal,” and “I’ll do it right next time.” I saw an expression appear on his face that I have seen a lot on him over the years. It was a combination of defeat and discouragement. He looked a lot like our son when he gets punished. And then the realization hit. Why am I doing this? I’m not his mother.

Suddenly I felt awful and ashamed of myself. It wasn’t really something to worry about anyway. And that was exactly what I did. About an insignificant pack of mincemeat he dutifully brought me from the supermarket, as I’d asked. If I had had specific requirements, I should have been clearer. I didn’t know how to elegantly pull out of this conversation without coming across as a split personality, so I muttered something like, “Yeah, I think I’ll work with this, I’ll go get dinner.”

She goes on to explain how she realized she was whining about something very minor.
And that in this way she betrayed his true character. Why do we do things like this so often? We assume that our partner knows exactly what’s going on inside us, and if they don’t or they misunderstand us, they’re going to blow their minds.

She continues realizing:

“We are talking about my husband who is over 12 years old. The same man who changed my tire in the rain without complaining. The man who taught our children to ride a bike. The one who stayed with me all night in the hospital when my mom was sick. The man who has always worked hard for an income to support his family.

He knows how to change the oil in the car. He can reinstall my computer’s operating system. He lifts heavy things for me and opens stuck lids. He wipes the sidewalk. He can hang a fan. He cleans the toilet as it runs.

I can’t (or do) any of these things. And yet I make him feel bad about something like a meal. He’s a good man who does a lot for me and he doesn’t deserve to get caught on little things that don’t even make sense in the bigger picture.”

I speak from my own experience when I say that the exact same thing happened to me a number of times. I have the things that I do well and that I am good at and my partner has hers. Still, it’s not really motivating to be confronted with what I don’t do without getting credit for everything I do in a day. So why does this happen so often in relationships?

We hear so often about relationships that are difficult and that it is hard work. To a certain extent I agree. More often, though, we may simply be with the wrong person, or we may be missing the basics of relationships in which we weren’t taught life but are essential to a healthy relationship.

This is how you really connect with your partner – and break through destructive relationship patterns

Lack of communication

Communication is probably one of the most important – if not the most important – factor that can lead to situations like the one described above. Remember the moment she found out the ground beef was wrong, all it took was a simple question: “Is there a reason you got the regular ground beef?” The other partner can then give his/her reason and the next answer can be:

“Oh okay, no problem but would you like to take the leaner variant next time because it is healthier.” It simply comes down to not making any assumptions about why the person acted the way he/she did. Instead, you can use your words in a kinder way to figure out and understand the whole story. Communication is key.

Arguing about details

This is another big cause in many relationships and often it is something we struggle with ourselves. We worry too much about little things. There is no right or wrong for feelings that situations can evoke in people. What is small for one person can be very bad for another. But in a situation like the one above, it’s about a meal, something that can be rectified so quickly.

Is it worth getting angry and reacting to something that turns out to be so small? It’s always good to step inside in the heat of battle or with strong emotions to feel what’s really going on. Step back and ask yourself, is this particular incident really a big deal?

We don’t move in each other

Understanding why our partner acts this way is another important thing that we overlook or forget. In this case, the partner thought he was doing everything right, while the other assumed he was not listening, being oblivious, and making mistakes. Again, looking back at communication, one of the steps that makes for good communication is to ask yourself why your partner did what he/she did, said what he/she said, etc.

This does not have to come from a judgmental, disdainful or angry feeling. But just a neutral reflection, asking yourself why things turned out this way. Why does my partner feel this way? Why did he/she say that? What causes him/her to react or exhibit this behavior?Instead of coming up with our own judgments or gossiping about it with our friends, communicate with your partner and find out what’s going on. That will make a huge difference.

I believe that if these three basic skills were used in any type of relationship, it could have a major impact on everyday life. We wouldn’t judge strangers that way, we could work more efficiently with colleagues, we would have it easier with friends and family, and we could even achieve more personal growth.

The reality is that a lot of what we don’t want to see about ourselves actually locks us up and causes the same kinds of problems over and over again. We can’t just expect new experiences if we don’t have the awareness of what’s going on inside ourselves in the first place.

She ends the story with:

“It takes two people in a relationship. No one is always right and no one is always wrong. And you can never completely agree on every detail. It won’t make you smarter, superior, or better if you magnify every little thing he does that you don’t agree with. Ladies, remember, it’s just mincemeat.”


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