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Home Lifestyle Life I Love Me – The Inner Child Part III

I Love Me – The Inner Child Part III

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In part I you were able to read about the inner child in you and about the adult in you. And in part II you saw that the real cause of pain – the pain of the inner child – always wants to be looked at. Today we go one step further and you may start loving yourself again. And with it the inner child in you.

If you can’t love yourself, if you don’t treat yourself as kindly as you would treat others (of course I want to help you out), or if you experience many shortcomings in your life, it usually has a cause in your past .

We are not always aware of the real cause of our problems. And also not from the associated negative beliefs about ourselves. These are hidden beneath the surface. Or we think we’ve dealt with it by now. But then you still run into the same problem or you meet people who still remind you that you have not fully processed the problems in your childhood.

We all sustain our own injuries

We all have our own experiences and injuries. And we all have to deal with the consequences of our childhood experiences.

In addition, there is also the fact that for years we have walked around in the energy of our parents or caregivers, so that we have taken over this energy. It has settled in your aura, the energy field around you, with which you attract certain experiences that resonate with it.

We also all develop allergies to negative behaviors from our educators. You also carry it with you, until you become aware of it. Then, for example, you become tired or insecure around certain people. Or then you don’t like someone at the first glance. Or you get annoyed by certain people.

For example, you usually subconsciously scan your environment, like an antenna, aimed at your own allergies, which you then deflate. And you keep doing that. Until you become aware of it and resolve it.

And then there are all kinds of statements and value judgments that we ultimately identify with. In other words, we’re going to take it as true. If something is said to you often enough, you automatically start to believe in it.

Beyond the Misconception

We all get injured. From ourselves and from our parents. And we in turn pass this on to our children. We take statements and judgments as truth. And we all fall short in one way or another. Often it is about attention and love.

All this makes us think that we are not loved. As a child you may not have felt seen, you could not be who you were, you adapted or not. Were you not appreciated or were you only seen when you performed and therefore you started to do your best. Or did you just get criticized and constantly felt rejected or sidelined. Or could you not perceive love. Children attach an incorrect conclusion to such experiences: I am not loved. After all, children think in black and white.

“If mom is mad at me, she won’t love me.” and, “If Daddy doesn’t listen, I’m not worth listening to.” are beliefs that can arise in highly sensitive children. A child naturally takes everything into itself.

However, it is a big misconception that you are not loved. It may have been hidden. The problem is that we still hold onto black and white thoughts as adults.

Own experiences

I myself grew up in a family with a somewhat ‘narcissistic’ mother, although I prefer to call that a parent with a serious deficiency and a very low self-esteem, because there was no room for her in her family from the past. Whether that’s true doesn’t matter, it’s about her perception. And I had a father who withdrew, who couldn’t express himself and couldn’t stand up for himself. At a young age, at the age of 38 and 7  , he appeared to have developed serious heart problems.

My mother was constantly asking for confirmation and practically constantly expressing her deficiency. And from my own experience I can tell you that this is a very heavy, negative energy. And that as a child I had to walk on tiptoe not to let her explode.

Obviously, my mother didn’t want to reflect her pain on her children, but she did. This manifested itself in her compulsive performance. For herself, but also for us, her children. She enforced it and it resulted in many, many criticisms and great perfunctory expectations. And nothing was good or good enough.

Now I was a real New Age child, about whom little was known at the time. I wanted to be who I was and make my own choices. But my mother could not accept that I thought and wanted differently. She couldn’t accept me as who I was, couldn’t interact with me and didn’t see what I needed at all.

Everything I did was frowned upon and “decent” behavior was enforced. Negative statements were the order of the day rather than the exception. I was pressed into a straitjacket and ‘wrong’ behavior and choices made that I was not spoken to for hours and sometimes for days.

As a result of these experiences, I have developed quite a few allergies related to themes of dominance and manipulation. And you can probably imagine that in my adult life I had a lot of trouble accepting myself. Like both my parents, I developed a negative self-image and the same negative character traits that I hated so much. Totally intertwined with my mother’s negative energy.

I adapted, felt compelled to do so and completely lost myself. I also developed an all-consuming anger, which has caused many problems in my adult life. As well as the huge lack of attention and love.

As a child I was barely able to open my mouth and I couldn’t feel at ease anywhere. And even until a few years ago I would break out in a sweat when I had to talk in a group. People always thought I was weird. And I fell out everywhere.

I’ve come a long way before I could and dared step out of survival mode. And I am still developing myself further and further. More and more (of) myself. And every day I take even more steps towards more (self) confidence and self-esteem. I am proud and grateful that, despite everything, I am now where I am.

That I have been able to take such great steps and that I have been able to find harmony and peace in my family and life. I can now stay with myself and am no longer afraid of reactions or the judgment of others (disapproval). It may all be here now. And I am still developing further. That’s my luck. And that feeling is also very high.

The past is the past

There was a time when I felt something close to hatred towards my mother. And there have been quite a few periods when I would have preferred to distance myself completely. But that was not allowed.

However, the past has also made me who I am today. And I turned the ‘hate’ into love, although unfortunately that was only after the death of both my parents. Then I really learned to see that they were stuck and had no other option. And neither of them did this on purpose. I say both, because my father also allowed all this.

With the acceptance of my past I could return again with my face to the present.

Needs want to be filled

We all have our own story. And we all fall short. Sometimes simply due to the fact that meeting all needs is an impossible task. And usually because parents themselves had no choice.

In our adult lives, however, we would still like to see this gap filled. And that’s when the inner child steps forward. Then in their adult life they also experience a serious lack of attention and love and point to the partner as the guilty party.

And if the partner already responds to the shortage, it will never be enough. In the long run, asking from a deficiency also sparks a reaction from your partner’s inner child. Triggering is done back and forth until an untenable situation arises. The children face each other again.

How you think about yourself

It is also our partners who show us exactly where we stand and how we feel about ourselves. And later on, our children will also participate. It’s an opportunity for healing. You always attract the partner who shows you what you can work with. And it also applies to children that you can work with yourself first, before your children can let go of their mirroring behaviour.

You should actually be thankful for that. Although I also understand that if you’re stuck in it, sometimes this still seems to be a far-from-your-bed show. I’m all too familiar with it myself.

Our partners not only mirror our shortcomings, but also very purely reflect the inner image we have of ourselves.

Often we also start doing the same as our parents or just the opposite and all kinds of problems of old pain come into play here too. But we often prefer not to identify with that. In practice, people sometimes give up when we get to this part. Then they’re not quite ready yet and that’s fine. Ultimately, the process will want to be unraveled. And that will come when they are ready. Or be done with it.

The real cause of pain always wants to be looked at. And we cannot ask for what we have missed. So what can we do?

The point here is that you recognize that every pain has to do with you, with an unresolved experience. It also helps you to be aware when the other person reacts or operates out of pain. That doesn’t mean you have to approve everything.

If someone is yelling at you or telling you how bad you are, you can calmly say that you understand that the other person feels that way, and you can say thank you for it. You no longer have to expose yourself to this. If it hurts, it wants to be felt. Because there is such an unprocessed experience underneath, with which you have brought the experience to you.

How do you get acceptance?

When I talk about acceptance – which is a huge challenge for many (and sometimes still applies to myself) – I’m talking about feeling. Everything wants to be felt. Otherwise you will build up a new package of blockages. Not convenient. And sometimes a deeper layer is tapped, which wants to be felt. Taking the time for that every day greatly contributes to letting go of your resistance.

Loving yourself again

You cannot ask for love from another, no shortage can be filled by another. But  the good news is that you can give it to yourself and that’s when the inner child re-emerges. You can give to yourself what you have missed. So you are also in control of whether you can feel good again.

You can do that yourself by feeling or, for example, with the help of the meditation series for the inner child that I have recorded for you. But also by loving yourself in daily life and consciously treating yourself with love. If you’re not feeling well and you feel alone, imagine hugging and comforting yourself or the little you. For example before going to sleep. There is a good chance that you will wake up a lot better then.

Treat yourself as you would treat another. And even if you make ‘mistakes’, you are and remain loving and valuable.

summarizing

We all carry burdens from our past with us. And in our daily lives we have to deal with the consequences of this. It provides reactions from pain (see part I ). If the experiences are still looked at, they can be processed and stored. Only then do you really get past the trigger (see part II).

You can help yourself further through acceptance and feeling. And by loving yourself again. Then you change from within and the outside world will react differently to you.

Your mind can participate too

Finally, some (mental) tips to get your mind involved, because without thinking positively about yourself you will not get there.

Whenever you have a negative experience or thought, think, “This is the result of my past. And now I am an adult.”

When you react to someone else’s statements or behavior, do not react out of pain, but out of love. For example, by asking yourself, “What would love or Source want to say to you about this?”

And every time you catch yourself making a negative statement or thought about yourself, look at yourself from the eyes of Source: “What would I think of myself if I now look at myself through the eyes of Source?”

Then you will like yourself more and more. And others (so) too.

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