The question is whether this is effective
Maybe you recognize it. You have some setback and a good friend knows this. When you meet her, she asks you: “How are you?”. You answer that you are not well and that you are still very sad. To which she responds with: “Oh but you still look good.” And with that, the topic of conversation ends immediately.
Because if you still look good or you still feel good, then it will all be okay. However? And vice versa it also applies. Suppose you answer that things are going well, but she says that you still look bad, then the conclusion is quickly drawn that you are far from ready to take steps forward again.
If things go wrong, you are expected to look accordingly
If you have financial problems, are in a relationship crisis or have lost a loved one, for example, then the extent to which you are doing well is determined based on how you look. Your appearance, how you present yourself and how you come across are used to gauge whether someone still needs care.
Do you still have to worry about the other person, does she still need help? If the other person is doing well and she looks good, this often gives the other a kind of peace of mind and any feelings of guilt because the other person is doing well, disappear. So we can go back to the order of the day.
You benefit from looking bad
This belief is also widely accepted. If you are sick, and you don’t look bad, then it’s probably not that bad. And so you can just go to work, school and/or do your tasks. But if you look sad, look tired and walk around in your tracksuit, your pain and sorrow will be taken seriously and you will get more attention.
“What do you look bad, are you okay?” Even though those words don’t always come out right, it’s still nice when you get recognition for your misery. You feel supported and supported. And that’s exactly what you need during this difficult period. That gives you something to hold on to . So you neglect yourself.
Looking bad is also a perfect excuse
However, in addition to receiving and continuing to receive support from those around you, there is another benefit of looking bad when you’re having a hard time. It is a good excuse not to take care of yourself, to start eating, slacking and devouring based on emotions. In short, not to take responsibility and not to look inward to deal with your sadness, pain and emotions .
Everyone can see that you are still having a hard time, so not much is expected of you. However, it requires commitment, feeling, courage and especially self-love to continue to take care of yourself, especially when you are dealing with challenges and setbacks. However, this is so much more difficult for many than leaning on another, so the choice is quickly made.
If you’re bad, it’s your fault
In addition, there is also an old story behind why you should not feel good when things are going badly for you. We all carry that story with us and originated from the religious aspect of atonement for our sins. If you’re not doing well, you shouldn’t be happy. You must repent and bear guilt.
A Calvinist principle that is embedded in our society and especially in ourselves. We always feel guilty for what happens to us. Even though we can’t do anything about it. We feel guilty when we feel good or pay attention to ourselves when the circumstances are not really right. And so guilt keeps us from enjoying the moment and living in the now.
You put any responsibility outside of yourself
The feeling of guilt and leaning on another is more deeply rooted in our society than self-love. Why? Because then it pays for the church and now for society to make and keep people dependent. As long as they feel guilty and need others for their happiness and inner balance, they are manipulable and docile citizens. They are controllable and controllable and above all do not think for themselves. The ideal conditions to maintain power.
You don’t have to draw sadness
I sometimes say when my children are sick and we are forced to do some shopping: look sick, otherwise they think I’m keeping you at home for no good reason. However, I teach them something different and that is that if they are sick, if they are just through it or not feeling well, they have to take very good care of themselves.
When you are having a hard time, being kind to yourself and taking good care of yourself is extremely important. Good nutrition, sports, make up, take care of your hair, your nails, book a nice massage, and wear clothes that do something for you. And above all do things that will make love flow into your heart and that will put a smile on your face. It’s bad enough that you’re going through a difficult period, you don’t have to look bad and feel bad.
In the end it counts NOW, not the what or how
The only risk you have if you take good care of yourself no matter what is that people look at you strangely, have an opinion and / or no longer inform you. But in the end it comes down to what you think of yourself and how much you love yourself. And that can only be strengthened by being very kind to yourself, regardless of what others think. This involves increasing awareness, bringing light to dark times, letting love flow and being able to be more and more present in the NOW by letting go of the external circumstances and bringing healing from within. That is what gives you something to hold on to and brings happiness when the storm rages around you.
You will find the only real support in yourself
People who are depressed and neglect themselves often feel that they do not deserve to pay attention and time to themselves. They buy stuff as a way of seeking guidance and distraction. They act extra cheerful and put on a mask to exclude others, or look sad all day to get extra attention. If you are stuck in depression, you are constantly balancing between self-esteem and self-destruction, between inner balance and dependence. However, if you want to get out of a depression, if you want to break through a negative spiral, if you don’t want to sink into emotions and fears, then feeling what you need and giving yourself that is the only thing that can really give you something to hold on to. Your heart is your inner compass that shows you the way out of that difficult period.
You don’t have to earn love and certainly self-love
If we can all break free from this penance, from our dependence and from our guilt, then we can instead take our responsibility, to ourselves and to each other. If we start encouraging each other and especially our children to take good care of ourselves, especially when the going gets tough, we can heal not only the pain in ourselves, but also the age-old story of sin, guilt and atonement. In this way we come closer to self-love and inner balance, and humanity can grow in consciousness.
So the paradox is that it might pay off to feel and look bad when you’re having a hard time, but that will only make your inner balance worse. You will ultimately only find your real foothold and therefore the only real safety within yourself. So in the end it pays much more to take good care of yourself, because you are worth it. And there is nothing more valuable than someone who loves themselves.