Insecure? 21 Tips For When You Don’t Know What To Do

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We all feel insecure at times, but some feel insecure most of the time.

If your insecurity is stopping you from doing the things you love to do, it’s time to get over your insecurity.

In this article we give you 21 tips that will help you deal with your insecurity.

Purpose of this article: In this article I will help you to overcome your insecurity. I will also explain to you what the cause of the uncertainty is and what it actually is.

What is uncertainty?

Insecurity is a feeling of doubt you have about yourself or about the things you do.

It stems from low self-esteem.

We all have doubts, but if you suffer from insecurity, it can hinder you in your daily life. You can doubt about a choice you have to make or you can also doubt yourself.

In childhood you develop a certain awareness about yourself and your environment. As you get older, this awareness continues to develop.

As a child you usually do not feel insecure and you are not yet full of doubts because you do not think about this too much.

Chances are that in childhood, children are loved by their parents and automatically come to love themselves.

When your parents think you’re doing something right, you’ll feel the same about yourself. For example, parents don’t mind that you are shy, so you won’t mind this as a child either.

Your self-confidence will change as you go through puberty. Your body will change, but you will also change on a spiritual level.

Much more is expected of you at school and this can bring with it doubts and insecurity.

During your puberty you not only care about the opinion of your parents, but also the opinion of your peers.

For example, you have a friend who says, “Why are you always so quiet?” † You will start to have doubts about yourself: maybe I should open my mouth a little more? You start to think about how you feel about your shyness. Is it good to be quiet and what do others think of this?

Uncertainty mainly has to do with being too preoccupied with the outside world. Do my colleagues like me? How will my mother react to this?

These thoughts usually stem from a lack of self-confidence. 

We then no longer dare to rely on our own compass. We look for confirmation outside of ourselves, but this again reinforces our insecurity.

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Symptoms of uncertainty

In some cases, uncertainty can just be a feeling, but it can also lead to many other complaints such as:

You don’t really enjoy things anymore and you feel down.

You don’t feel like doing anything and even simple things are difficult for you. You feel different from the rest and don’t know how to behave.


You feel anxious even though there is no real imminent danger. You often feel tense that makes you want to avoid certain situations.

This feeling already occurs before the situation arises.

You look ahead at things to do or certain situations and you foresee negative consequences.

There are different types of fear:


When you’re lonely, you feel like you can’t make real and good connections with others. You have less contact with other people than you would like and you don’t know how to change this.

Loneliness can be accompanied by feelings of emptiness, sadness and fear. It is not the same as being alone, although it can coincide.

You can also feel lonely when you’re in a situation with people you don’t think understand you. There are also people who are often alone, but do not feel lonely at all.

If you recognize the above symptoms, you may be struggling with uncertainty.

Causes of being insecure

Uncertainty can have various causes. Following are the most common causes of uncertainty.

Bad relationship with your parents

The relationship you have built up with your parents can largely determine whether you will suffer from insecurity.

Growing up in a warm family where you are valued at a young age will reduce uncertainty later in life.

If the relationship with your parents is less positive, you are more likely to think negatively about yourself. You start to have doubts and think that you are not worth it.


Besides a bad relationship with your parents, bullying can also cause insecurity. You start to think that others don’t like you, which also makes you doubt yourself.

In most cases, however, it is the bully who is extremely insecure. He uses his victims to want to act ‘tough’ and in this way to hide his own insecurity.


Some people set the bar very high for themselves.

They want to get the highest grades, have the best job and find perfect children or the ideal partner.

However, this is not realistic, because life doesn’t always go the way you want it to. When this is the case, as a perfectionist you feel disappointed or insecure.

Comparing yourself to others

Constantly comparing yourself to others can lead to insecurity.

There is always someone who is slimmer, smarter or more creative than you. This doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.

Many people feel insecure about their body or appearance because they have an ideal image in their head that they cannot live up to.

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21 tips to overcome uncertainty

1: Put yourself first

This may seem completely against your nature, but it is still important to put yourself first.

If you don’t do it, someone else won’t do it at all. Think about what really makes you happy.

These can be small things like scheduling an evening for yourself each week to read a good book.

2: Take care of yourself

Taking good care of yourself and living a healthy life is very important. It largely determines how you feel inside.

Eat healthy, exercise regularly, get enough sleep and plan enough relaxation.

Once you master all of this, your energy levels will rise and you’ll feel better about yourself.

Exercise ensures that we create substances that make us feel good, and that also applies to healthy food.

You can also take care of yourself by paying attention to your appearance.

When you think you look good, it changes the way you see yourself and how you interact with others.

Watch tip: In the next video,  Chantelle Anderson talks about uncertainty at TEDx Talks. She mainly focuses on how much uncertainty costs us and what we need to do to stop it:

3: Set Your Limits

If you always let everyone walk all over you, you will feel more and more insecure. It is therefore important to learn to set your boundaries well.

Maybe you’ve been doing what someone else wants for a long time? It is then not so easy to know what you really want. So regularly ask yourself: ‘What do I really want?’  

After a while you start to feel what you do or don’t want and that becomes easier. You can then immediately indicate that you think something is not right.

4: Improve your posture

People who are insecure often walk around with slumped shoulders and a bowed head.

Doing this will make you feel even more insecure. Try sitting up straight, holding your head up, and making eye contact.

By adopting a friendly and open attitude, you make a positive impression and therefore your self-confidence grows.

5: Take your time

Insecure people often do everything in a hurry. They think that others do not appreciate their presence and allow themselves little time and space.

Everyone is worth the same, including you. So do not immediately assume that the other person does not want to pay attention to you.

Take your time and know that you are worth working on your insecurity.

6: Use your talents and qualities

Everyone has certain talents and qualities, including you. Wouldn’t it be a shame if you don’t dare to use your talents out of uncertainty?

By doing things that you can do well and that you enjoy doing, you immediately feel a lot better.

Are you unable to immediately use your talents in your work? Then find a hobby where you can use them.

7: Reward yourself

Did you achieve a certain goal, no matter how small?

Then reward yourself for your achievement! This can be a flower, a new book or a day off.

Don’t just ignore your success, but celebrate it by doing something for yourself.

8: Let go of negative things

It is better to let go of things from the past that you cannot change.

Maybe your day didn’t go quite as planned? Then don’t play this over and over in your head, but let it go.

Tomorrow will be a new day with new possibilities.

9: Stop worrying

You’ve made one mistake at work and in your bed at night it’s the only thing that goes through your mind.

In the end, you can’t sleep because you keep worrying about it. Stop this.

The scenarios and negative thoughts that run through your head are usually much worse than what it really is.

There’s absolutely no point in going on about it. Be aware of these negative thoughts and think of something positive instead.

10: Visualize yourself as a confident person

By clearly visualizing what you want in your life, you have a much better chance of actually achieving it.

So lie down on your bed and imagine that you are not insecure at all.

Picture an image in which you are brimming with confidence and not shying away from challenges.

11: Be kind to yourself

Take a critical look at the expectations you place on yourself. Are they realistic and aren’t you a bit too strict on yourself?

Be kind to yourself, even if you are less good at something.

12: Try New Things

Because of your insecurity, you will not quickly plunge into a new adventure.

Still, it’s important to step out of your comfort zone if you want to overcome your insecurity. If you never do anything new, you feel safe, but nothing will ever change.

So try doing something that scares you every now and then. You will notice that this is really not as scary as it seems. Afterwards you will feel very proud and your self-confidence will get a huge boost.

13: Take Small Steps

You don’t become extremely confident overnight. This is a process that you have to go through step by step.

During this process you will see that you will have peaks and valleys. This is normal. Learning something new takes time and effort. So look at it step by step and you will notice that you are slowly but surely making progress.

14: Accept compliments

When someone compliments you on your appearance, you may think that that person is just being polite.

When someone says something negative, for example that you look tired, you start to take it seriously.

Why not take the compliments seriously too? If someone compliments you, accept it and enjoy it.

15: Not everyone can like you

There are billions of people in the world who are all different.

So it’s not realistic at all to expect everyone to like you. You can also say this the other way around.

There are always people who like you, but there are always people who don’t like you. This is totally okay.

It’s up to you to focus more on the people who like you rather than on the people who criticize you.

16: Practice Gratitude

Because of your insecurity, you will focus more quickly on the negative things. To get out of this negative spiral, it is important that you focus on the things that are going well.

Maybe you didn’t exercise today, but did you learn something valuable at work or at school?

Keep a daily booklet in which you write down all the positive things that happened that day.

Keep thinking positive by being conscious about it every day.

17: Surround yourself with positive and successful people

If you deal with people who have a positive outlook on life, you will automatically take over after a while.

Our brains contain a lot of mirror cells that automatically copy what other people around you do.

So if you spend a lot of time with positive and constructive people, you will get the same mindset and therefore become more positive yourself .

18: Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

A touch of humor makes life a lot lighter and more fun. Why take everything so seriously?

Look at yourself with a wink by, for example, laughing when you do something clumsy. You can learn positivity with a good portion of humor.

19: Do personal development

You can always keep working on yourself, regardless of your age. It’s never too late to change. it’s never too late to change! Regardless of your age.

Develop yourself through courses, books and training. In this way you gain new insights and you can make great leaps forward.

There are many programs that teach you to overcome your fears and insecurity. Make use of this.

20: Talk about it

Connect with other people and say how you feel.

Sharing is healing. By talking about it, you can grow together and get new ideas.

Do you find it scary to make personal contact? Then find a forum online where you can chat with fellow sufferers. You immediately feel less alone with your insecurity.

21: Don’t be influenced by other people

Everyone has their own vision and opinion. What someone else thinks or says does not have to be your truth.

You decide what is true for you. You don’t have to blindly copy what someone else thinks.

Live your own life and try to do as many things as possible that you find fun and important.

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