Monday, December 5, 2022
Home Lifestyle Spirituality Is this it now? You’re doing well but you’re not happy

Is this it now? You’re doing well but you’re not happy

Is this it now? You are in the prime of your life and you are doing well; you have a diploma in your pocket, a job. You have a relationship and/or enough nice people around you. You regularly go on holiday and do fun things. So you really have nothing to complain about. Yet you are not happy.

Despite your social network, you sometimes feel very alone. You feel that you are different. That no one really understands you. And to be honest, you can’t blame them for that either, because you don’t even understand yourself. You compare yourself to the outside world, to the people around you and you feel like you are falling short.

You don’t know what you want, what makes you happy or what your goals are in life. You’re so much in your head that you literally can’t feel what you want. You find everything fun and interesting, you’ve done and seen more than many your age, but it’s never good enough.

You continue to feel that something is missing. That question “is this it?” keeps haunting your head. Your quest for happiness and satisfaction seems to be a dead end.

Where does the “is this it” feeling come from?

The “is this it now” feeling can have several causes. One of the most common is that we want to live up to the expectations of the outside world and society. A certain image has been created of what ‘normal’ and what ‘successful’ means. You study, you see a bit of the world, you go to work and climb higher as quickly as possible.

In the meantime you get a relationship, you settle down, you have children and then you are happy. Oh yes, and in the meantime you should of course continue to exercise and have an interesting social life. Preferably you also share all this on social media.

not happy

For some people this might work, but for a very large part it won’t. More and more often, more and more and ever younger people do not fit within these standards. Which makes you feel like you’re weird, lagging behind, or giving a “is this it” feeling when you’re trying to live up to it.

We want to meet the expectations or the standards, because we feel it is vitally important to belong, based on our primal need. Because if you don’t belong and are rejected, you won’t survive this. In prehistoric times this was indeed the case; you needed the group because you couldn’t hunt, gather, take care of the kids and protect yourself and your family from wild animals alone.

It is of course no longer literally vital, but it can still feel that way. This is because society has changed so quickly that our system has not yet been able to fully adapt to it. So we do everything for the approval. And this is increasingly at the expense of ourselves.

You lose yourself. You start living from your head, you lose contact with your feelings. You adapt, adapt and adapt again. You drift further and further away from your own needs. You are increasingly shifting your own boundaries . You have to be strong, you shouldn’t be like that. And above all you have to keep going, work hard and not give up. Oh yes, and don’t whine or make things difficult either.

Until you are very unhappy or end up at home with a burnout. You feel so tired, you worry a lot, can no longer make choices, you suffer from insecurity, you have physical complaints, you feel gloomy and can no longer see a way out.

And strangely enough, this is often still not a sign for most people to change course, but you see this as confirmation that you are indeed weak. That you should have done better. That’s up to you. And that it’s ridiculous that you still don’t know what you want or what makes you happy.

It is therefore not surprising that more and more people end up in a burnout, depression or personal crisis several times.

What can you do about it? 3 tips.

Tip 1: Go on a journey of discovery.
The first step is awareness. Explore what has brought you to where you are today. What are your patterns that lead you to your pitfall time and again? That get you in trouble again and again? If you know where things go wrong, you can do something about it. If you know which thoughts, beliefs or behavior are working against you, you can change that. So go investigate that.

Not happy

Tip 2: Stop for a moment. 
We learned earlier in this article that persistence and hard work is not the answer. So the next tip I want to give you is: stop for a while. Literally and figuratively. Take a few more deep breaths. Find the peace and quiet.

Reconnect with yourself. What do I actually WANT right now? What do I need now? Give your feeling a little more space again. Break that circle that keeps you spinning. This way you can focus on yourself again instead of on the outside world. Can you let go of the need to let go and rediscover the wanting again?

Tip 3: Don’t try to do it alone.
This is the most important tip I want to give you. It is very difficult and takes a lot of time to break these patterns on your own. And you’re not weird, you’re not weak and you’re definitely not alone. There are plenty of people who have been through the same thing and there are plenty of people who can help you.

So go talk about it and get help. Find someone with whom you feel comfortable and with whom you feel that this person really understands you. That could be someone close to you, a friend or a family member, but very often it turns out that these people have similar patterns to you and see the world in the same way as you do.

Kind seeks kind they sometimes say, very nice of course, but that ensures that when you want something different, these people do not always understand this and cannot help you very well.

Make sure you have confidence that this person can help you achieve your goals. For example, you can choose someone who has already achieved the goals you want to achieve. Or someone who specializes in this area.

Also make sure that this person is qualified to help you, because there is a huge proliferation in the world of coaches and therapists. Asking the right person for help already gives you a huge head start. This way you get out much faster and with much less damage.

How can I help you?

If you have the feeling that I might be the right person to help you. Request a free and non-binding introductory meeting via my website.

During this meeting, we look together at your current situation and your goals and I can make a good assessment of whether and how I can best help you. Even if you are not (yet) ready for personal guidance, I have a number of interesting free options for you on my website, such as an e-book or joining my free private Facebook group full of information, tips and inspiration. So click on the link and feel which option suits you best at the moment.


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