Is your pain not seen or can you not share it? This is how you give your emotions space


It is so healing when you can be comforted when you are in pain or experiencing sadness. Sometimes there is comfort for you and so eases your pain. Every human being deserves to be comforted whenever it is needed. But sometimes… it is not possible, it is not there, it will take a while, is your pain not seen, do you have silent pain or secret sadness. Sometimes you are alone for a while. Then you need to practice the art of comforting yourself. It helps when you know what can comfort you and you open your heart creatively and lovingly to yourself. Here are some self-comfort ideas.

Comfort drawer or comfort box

Make a comfort drawer or a comfort box. This is a collection of trinkets, resolutions, possibilities, and insights that you always have on hand for moments when you need comfort. At those moments you are usually not in your most creative and inspired state, so it is important to partly build the collection in advance. A well-stocked comfort drawer puts you at ease and ensures that you are not left out in the cold at essential moments, but that you can wrap yourself softly.

Get to know your own need for comfort. And discover what comforts you. Ask yourself questions about comfort. Write about it and get to know your comfort needs, comfort preferences, and comfort options. What did you use to do to comfort yourself? Describe a cherished comforting experience. What did someone ever do for you that was just the right thing for you? With which movement do you sometimes reassure yourself? Rocking, dancing, stroking yourself, fumbling with a handkerchief, thumbs, sleeping, picking, twisting your hair, or something else? What foods do you use to comfort yourself? Is that sweet, sour, bitter, salty, fat, or fresh? Write down what comforts you. Then discover what you can collect to have ready in case of need for consolation.

What can you do to comfort yourself?

Is your pain not seen or can you not share it? This is how you give your emotions space

Find a nice place for your comfort drawer or comfort box. A drawer, a cupboard shelf, a nice box that you can slide under your bed, a briefcase, a corner in the attic, or a secret compartment in a sofa, it’s all possible. You can still decorate the place with paint, pictures or other decorations. Put your insights, comforting objects, helping books, and texts in here.

Make a booklet with self-discovered or collected tips that can help you when you feel desolate or sad. Ask others how they comfort themselves. Learn from each other.

Have a soft blanket to wrap yourself in if you’re feeling chilly. A soft handkerchief, a hug from the past or the present. It comforts children, but also us.

A pitcher that you fill with warm water can really help if you’re feeling sad. Warmth comforts in several ways. The warmth from a bath, the shower, a hot water bottle, the sun, or your own hands.

Scents you find pleasant are comforting, they can bring you back to good memories, and they can even ease the pain. The scent is one of your oldest memories and can therefore touch you very deeply. Look for scents that comfort you.

Taking care of yourself with fine products can offer comfort. Sometimes you just don’t feel like taking care of yourself when you’re feeling sad. But when you give yourself a little care, you notice that it always does you good. Apply yourself, dress nicely, do your hair, beard, cheeks, and eyes, and take care of yourself.

Hot drinks are comforting. A cup of comfort, a cup of fragrant tea. Please do not drink alcohol. Don’t do anything that suppresses your pain. With this, you give your subconscious the message that you have to get away from the pain. But pain is softened by being felt. That is all that pain and sorrow need: to be felt, to be seen, to be heard. Sometimes by others, sometimes by yourself.

Is your pain not seen or can you not share it? This is how you give your emotions space

A pet can provide a lot of comfort. Humans are narrative creatures. We are our story. The story of a life, of a loss, of a goodbye. But animals live outside the stories. They live in the here and now, without stories. They are attached to you, they seek you out, whatever story you are in. When animals bring you comfort, take it all in.

Reach out! Sometimes the best way to comfort yourself is to reach out to someone and share your grief. Call someone, write off your sadness, ask for support that is possible and that does you good. Look for creative solutions to find support in each other, whatever the circumstances.

Sometimes there is food that comforts you. The bread your father used to bake, your grandfather’s egg cakes. The home-cooked hot porridge from your childhood. A certain dish from your family. Without exaggerating, feel free to indulge in comforting foods. Food and affectivity are related. As a baby, you drink from the mother’s breast, not only food but also physical contact. That is why we often subconsciously comfort ourselves with food when we are hungry for contact. That only gets out of hand when it’s unconscious. Remember that there is a choice in the way you seek comfort. Sometimes food is a great comfort.

You can write letters to yourself. Write letters of comfort, letters of encouragement. Collect comforting texts. Record everything in a comfort journal. Read back texts now and then. Words can do wonders.

Gratitude is a wonderful healing form of comfort. By having an eye for beauty, love, life, small miracles, coincidences, and simple happiness, your heart can come out of the sadness spasm. Do not push away your sorrow, but warm it and envelop it with gratitude for what is beautiful and good in your life.

Music is a direct and beautiful way to your feeling. It touches strings and moves you. Music can help you cry, and help you grieve. But music can also comfort and uplift you. Music is medicine. You know best what medicine you need right now.

Movie, Happy

Movies can comfort me. Movies can take me out of my story for a while and into another story. Sometimes they help me to have a good cry. Sometimes they comfort me or help me understand, give insight, and tell me about the art of living to overcome something. Look for the movies and stories that help you. Ask others for tips if necessary.

Beauty is a high form of comfort. Comfort always has an element of beauty in it. That can be in the contact, the tenderness, the acceptance, being heard and seen, but it can also be in something that pleasantly enchants your senses. That is why it is important to create sufficient beauty in your life in a form that suits you.

All forms of art and beauty are comforting. Discover which form of beauty touches you the softest. Look this up often. There is no such thing as an overdose of beauty.


Relax regularly, and meditate. Find a spiritual practice that comforts and helps you. Don’t make it a task, see it as a form of self-care that you practice regularly.

How do you like poetry? Do you have any favorite writers? Read books that comfort, collect poems, learn from the lives of others, recognize yourself in those paper lives. Taste words, whisper-soft phrases in your ear. Ask someone to read to you. At least by phone. Words can go very deep.

Look at yourself in the mirror. Grip yourself emotionally. Take hold of your sadness emotionally. Take it on your lap like a crying child. Acknowledge what you feel. Let it be there every now and then. Don’t wallow, but look in the eye. This sadness is there. Give it permission to be there. You can only accept what you acknowledge. You can only let go of what you grasp.

Look for beautiful images. Make a collage of all the images that make you happy. Look for the comforting image. Hang the collage in plain sight. Look at it carefully every now and then. Drink the comforting image through your eyes.

Look for comforting texts. Embroider or write on your handkerchief: “It’ll be all right, baby”. Iron kisses on your pillow. Sew comfort texts into your clothes. Order name labels, and put a sweet phrase on them instead of your name. “oh gosh”, “be quiet”, “it’ll be okay”, “this will pass”, “you’re sweet”, and so on.

Sometimes put some shimmer on your cheeks. Even if you are sad and feel broken. There is also something completely beautiful and beautiful about you. A few sparkles can remind you that life will always shine in the end, no matter how small a start.

Give a kiss on the back of your hand. Rub that back of your hand over your cheek. That’s how you give yourself a kiss. Touching yourself comforts you. When there is no closeness to another, be close to yourself. Touch yourself. Embrace yourself. Grab your cheeks. Massage, or pat yourself gently, and put a hand on your heart.

Practice self-compassion. Beautiful books have been written about it, and beautiful exercises to download. The most important question of self-compassion is: “what do I need now”? Ask yourself that question regularly. And practice giving yourself what you need. You can do much more than you think.

Most importantly, recognize your need for comfort. Sometimes I just say it out loud to myself. Sometimes I write it down in my diary. “I long for comfort so much.” And then answer within your heart or with a new phrase, “Oh dear.” And find your own way to be gentle with yourself.


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