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Know the power of your core quality

Being aware of your core quality is important. This gives you self-confidence and makes you stronger in a job application or at work. It also happens that the question ‘I want a different job, but I don’t know what’ can be answered by becoming aware of your quality and challenge. I give an example from practice.

A. wonders if she should look for another job, but she has no idea what she wants. ‘I have a good job, nice work that pays well and nice colleagues. But I doubt whether it makes sense what I do.’ She tells me between nose and lips that contact with the manager is less. When we talk about the situation further, that aspect comes back. I have the feeling that there is something here, and it shows when I ask further.

Appreciating your qualities

A. does not feel appreciated by her manager. ‘She thinks I seem insecure. I am introverted. My colleagues like that, they like to sit next to me because of my peace of mind. And they know, when I say something, it makes sense. I’m not insecure, I know I’m good at my job.’ The manager turns out to be a rather present person. ‘She doesn’t stop talking,’ says A., ‘and then I just become quieter.’

This situation ostensibly leads to a career question, but underneath it is a personal piece that calls for development. It’s not so much about her having to change jobs, that’s possibly an escape from an idea she isn’t right. In my opinion, the essence of personal development is that you can ultimately be yourself in as many situations as possible. This is possible if you have self-confidence and know that your core quality adds something specific to a team.

Be aware of yourself

This is equally true for introverts, their rest is needed. But their ability to express themselves is also necessary. This quality is generally present, certainly in potential, but is not always used out of insecurity, or a lack of (self-)appreciation. When A. is confronted with an extrovert, she tends to stall. She is annoyed by the other, who in turn is annoyed by her silence. This can go from bad to worse unless A. manages to break the pattern.

I think there is an interesting apparent contradiction here. Being aware of your core quality and valuing it positively helps to take up your challenge. I try to make it clear to A..

‘If you value yourself in your quality of being introverted, instead of feeling dependent on the appreciation of your manager, you feel stronger in the contact. Then you can give her a reply,’ I say to A.

‘She expects the same from me. She wants me to inform her and tell her more.’
‘So she gives you her manual,’ I say, ‘that’s nice. Because if you apply it, you meet her need for conversation and the irritation decreases. That is your challenge, to be able to speak for yourself more. How can you do that?’
How? A. knows best. ‘I can really speak in meetings, and also in a conversation with my manager.’

Collage of Lusanne at core quality
Collage of Lusanne

Standing in your power

It is important to realize that the quality of your challenge is also present in you and that it is good to use it because the other really needs it from you. This insight can help you consciously take up the challenge. Then you can come into balance, instead of shooting at the pitfall or allergy.

If you know that your pitfall is not a bad characteristic, but an overshoot in your quality, you are both aware of your quality and you gain insight into an unconscious mechanism in yourself. It is good to ask yourself what makes you fall into your trap. Because this is often the core of the imbalance and dissatisfaction. If you know how to solve them, then you really come into your power.

“Probably that will improve the relationship to such an extent that you can just keep working there,” I conclude to A. “With pleasure.”


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