You are so busy planning your life and directing certain things, people, and situations that you think you are in control. But in fact, you are trying to maintain something that cannot even be sustained. You cannot control situations or people, because nothing stays the same and everything changes continuously. You can regain control of yourself. You do this by consciously choosing for yourself. If you choose for yourself and make agreements with yourself, no matter how big or how small that agreement is, you will have to keep that agreement with yourself.
Why is this so important?
If you don’t keep the promise to yourself, you’re not putting yourself first and your self-esteem will be affected. Maybe you think it’s not that bad, but if you make an appointment with yourself, this can subconsciously start eating at you. You lose your power and are no longer in your flow. This can slowly lead to a relapse, and you feel that you are losing control again. You will react to this again by interfering with your environment and other people or when you want to control everything in your life.
When you stand in your power, you let things go faster. And make no mistake, because it may also be that you have made an appointment with someone, which makes you think it is also with yourself. Then you still want to cancel the appointment. But you feel like you’ve made that appointment and you don’t think you can make it to cancel. And why not? Feel free to choose for yourself and cancel the appointment. You are under no obligation in life. Only to yourself, because you are worth it. As long as you put yourself first, there’s nothing wrong with that, right?
Let go of control
We are all familiar with the term control freaks. It is not a problem if you recognize yourself in this, because this is also the road that you walk. Here you also get to know yourself. But if you want balance and stay in the flow, you’re going to be allowed to let go of some of that control. Just do it and choose for yourself! Because I quit my job at the time and completely lost my control over everything, I was forced to face the facts. I wondered: Why was I afraid? Why didn’t I have confidence and always wanted to be in control? Of course, it was also that bit of security that I thought I had.
But what is certainty? There is no certainty in life. If I hadn’t quit my job, I might have lost him one day. I don’t know, you don’t know, nobody knows. And why was I so afraid? Was I formed like that? Or was it the fear of failure?
But why did people, especially me, set the bar so high that failure quickly became apparent? It’s trial and error in life, isn’t it? Isn’t that the beauty of life, that you learn by failing? Because failure makes you wiser and change makes you grow! Isn’t that what we all want? Growing to higher consciousness, a wiser person, a better version of yourself.
And yet we are sometimes so busy opposing ourselves, sabotaging ourselves, and fighting against what is. Why do we make it so unnecessarily difficult for ourselves, when in fact it can be much easier? There was 1 rule in my work that actually could best apply in our lives forever. That line was: “Keep It Simple”
Keep it simple
In fact, it’s much easier if you loosen the reins a little more and don’t let yourself be tempted by wanting to control it. Give the people around you and especially yourself some rest and make your life a bit lighter by not making everything a problem. You make a problem out of everything by entering into discussions or by continuously paying attention to what someone else is saying and trying to correct it.
Also do not try to decide for another, because everyone else is responsible for himself. Everyone is allowed to learn from their own mistakes, by also going crazy. Why would you want to save someone else from making a mistake? For well-meaning intentions? Yes, that seems logical and you can sometimes do that in certain situations, but stay aware of whether it is really necessary.
Because it can often also be the case that if you want to protect someone from something out of your good intentions, you get exactly the opposite effect, and you are left behind as the bitten dog. Was that worth it? Then let someone go on their own ass, right? Perhaps roughly speaking, but that’s how it is in the vernacular. In addition, you do not accept the person and the choices he or she makes.
So there is clearly a bit of acceptance here. Because are you willing to accept another as he or she is? Without wanting to control it and without interfering with that person. And this also applies to situations. Are you willing to accept a situation if, for example, it doesn’t go the way you want it to, and do you dare to let it go and trust that everything will work out after all?
You can do this by, for example, withdrawing for a while and coming to your senses. If necessary, take a short retreat to come to yourself. Meditate, exercise, go into nature or do something creative. Do something that gives you a different mindset and dare to let go of the situation for a while. Then the answers will come naturally. But if you start running away or pushing things away again, you stay in that same flow of control and fear. As a result, you lose your balance again and you no longer see everything.
Go choose for yourself! And have confidence by letting a situation lie for a day. If you are sometimes somewhere in the middle of a situation or challenge (problem, some call it), it is difficult to get an overview. Then go back to yourself and your feelings by withdrawing for a while. Allow the feeling, accept the feeling and realize that you are the one who can regain control of yourself. By choosing only for yourself. That’s it! No more. Choosing for yourself, by fulfilling the agreements with yourself. When you do this, your self-esteem will grow.
Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary STRESS . – Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go