This article reflects on a movie night that made it clear to her what true self-love is.
‘Doing what is really necessary, that is love’
The other day it was such a wonderful Sunday – a day when nothing was necessary. It was such a day that you woke up with a warm feeling from the good night before. One of those days when you go to the woods with the dog, take a dip in the lake, and come to yourself.
What is choosing love?
Sometimes you can feel love in such a way that you actually think you choose to love. Like that Sunday night, when we chose a movie night with dinner. Nice with husband and son on the couch. It matched perfectly how the day had gone.
At that moment I felt love. But choosing love is about something else, something deeper. Now it was not about choosing what was really needed at that moment, or what would be best. It was about not being faithful to the agreements with ourselves and with myself.
I did check to see if it would work in time. But I had looked through rose-colored glasses. In the end, it didn’t work out… It turned out that there was more to prepare for the coming week than I thought. And because we were in ‘lazy couch’ mode, everything took longer. We didn’t get ‘things’ properly arranged.
Become aware of your creations
I felt myself getting stuck. I had wanted to go to bed on time and saw this intention slip through my fingers. I heard myself grumbling at my child. Then I remembered the little poem I had written that morning. It was about having room for anger. And immediately there was room to see what was happening and to express what I felt. Immediately there was room for the other. So I could give my child what he needed and listen to him.
I realized what I had created myself and that I had to sit on the blisters for a while. I could feel with love that I had not kept to my own agreement and to the rules we established with each other. My child couldn’t help that. The next morning I wrote this:
‘Being clear and clear, that’s so important.
To be loyal.
Ultimately this is about love.
I felt that when you are trustworthy, there really is room for love. Then there is also safe for everyone to be themselves. This is different from an action where you can feel love, such as the movie night while eating. Which is easier to choose than pure love.
Keep appointments with yourself
Do you think it is important that you keep your agreements with yourself? Do you consider yourself worth it? And do you make sure that there is room for what you want and need? Because that is precisely what love and self-love is. What you want at any given time is not always what you really need. Doing what is really necessary, that is love.
That means I should have said no to movie night. That at that moment I would be a not-so-nice mother who chose to eat ‘boring’ at the table. In many cases, saying no to your child is about saying yes to peace and quiet and space and predictability, which is good for children. In many cases, saying no to someone else is about creating your own space, so that you can function well. In my case, it was also about closing the day in love.
Being true to myself, and therefore to the agreements with myself. Being trustworthy. It is one of the most important facets of parenthood or of any relationship. Being trustworthy is an important foundation for pure and unconditional love.