No sense? Sexual Energy According to Chinese Medicine

No sense? Sexual Energy According to Chinese Medicine
Don’t feel like it… It’s only 3 words, but they say a lot about the sexual relationship with your partner! This article shows how to let sexual energy flow freely again in Chinese Medicine. “The trick is to get both heart and body equally involved in both lovers.”

Women’s sexual energy moves from the heart downwards. With men it is exactly the other way around.

Where is the passion?

People regularly come to my practice who have been together with their partners for a long time and happily. But the sexual relationship is often not what they would like. The passion has faded a bit. Usually, the lack of meaning initially seems to lie with the woman, but if men feel rejected too much, at a certain point they no longer need it. Women often refer to this as ‘not being able to open up. Men usually look for a more physical explanation such as stress, fatigue, or age. But what’s really going on?

Less attention to each other

Over time, lovers who live together can (unnoticed) increasingly live next to each other instead of with each other. But even if a lot is still being done and experienced together, more and more routines can creep in. The infamous grind. This does not only occur in long-term relationships, but also in short permanent relationships.

After the first infatuation and the subsequent ‘loving’ comes the moment when other things – newer, more urgent – ​​take away or at least greatly diminish the attention for each other. Sex can then deteriorate to a mainly hormonally controlled activity. If one of the partners produces less testosterone than the other, this quickly leads to a difference in needs.

Water and fire

No sense? Sexual Energy According to Chinese Medicine

In the beginning of the relationship, the difference in the purely physical need for sex was probably also there. Nevertheless, sex was usually more frequent, longer, and with more satisfaction. That’s because the heart energy was also fully involved! According to Chinese Medicine, two elements play a decisive role in sexual energy: water and fire. Water is about the physical, sensual aspects of sex: the sex organs and hormones. Fire rules the heart. If the fire burns sufficiently, there is room for connection, enthusiasm, and for open communication. Water is the element of procreation, fire that of love.

Heart-Based Sex

When we manage to reconnect the energy of the sexual bodily level (water) with the desire of the heart (fire), the sex life of partners becomes fluid and joyful. Interesting to know: women’s sexual energy moves from top to bottom. The flow starts at the emotional layer of the heart and culminates in physical sensations in the genitals. The sex route of men is exactly the other way around: it starts with stimulation on a physical level and can generate heart energy from there. Of course, this is not a law of the Medes and Persians, but it can help to understand the difference in sexual dynamics between partners.

Therein lies the solution. The trick is to get both heart and body equally involved in both lovers. In other words: to bring the sexual streams together. Extensive foreplay can be a way to stimulate the body, but the mind is strong. How do you stimulate the heart energy? By connecting. You achieve connection by talking to each other about your feelings – in other words, communication. And by looking each other in the eye and seeing each other, really seeing. Not only before, but also during sex. Then you come to what I call ‘heart-based sex’.

Practice and dedication

No sense? Sexual Energy According to Chinese Medicine

Combining touch with real contact is the key to the free and abundant flow of sexual energy. Heartfelt sex takes practice and dedication. Taking time for each other, not avoiding uncomfortable conversations, continuing to listen to the other person, and daring to face your own inhibitions. Then true connection arises between individuals who can be who they are complete.



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