Healer encourages you to unite the heavenly and the earthly. Everything is part of it, including pain and fears. “They point us to things that want to be highlighted. By lovingly facing them, we can grow towards the unity consciousness.”
Your ‘dark sides’ are all the emotions that you used to be unable to express and experience.
I felt invited by Patrick Kicken to participate in the interview my vulnerable strength.In the conversation I openly tell about the path I am walking. I make a different sound than most non-duality teachers. Many forget the personality, they call it ‘ego’, as if it were something bad or something outside of yourself. But your personality is just as important as your soul. There is one thing: your soul cannot exist without your personality.
For me it’s about the flow, about the combination of the earthly and the heavenly. That is why I am always looking for the balance between my personality and the bigger picture. That makes me happiest. I can then live in my authentic power and greatness. In this article I want to clarify my story during the interview.
Leaving your body and coming back again
During a body-oriented therapy weekend, we got together one evening. It was a setting in which everyone could relive their radical emotions. But it was such an intense experience for me that I completely lost control. Someone saw me trembling and put me in the middle of the group, where the lady who had come up with this setting stood. As I stood next to her, I felt my consciousness narrow. Then I lost my consciousness.
It turned out that I had gone with my consciousness to my deepest wound. Later I heard that the lady had helped me to come back into my body. When I got back, I became very lively. Joy and light flowed through my being, which was well felt by the group. It took me years to understand exactly what had happened.
Living in a bubble
At that time I attended satsang meetings and listened to gurus at home who said that life was a maya (illusion). At first that seemed like a solution, an escape from my suffering. But after a while it caused me to completely disconnect from myself and not be able to connect with the person looking back in the mirror. I had to come back into my body and be reborn. This integration has taken years and is still continuing. It has given me much wisdom and strength that I now share with the world.
Through my intense experiences I found out that many non-duality teachers hilariously live in duality, and with that they live in their own bubble. If reality is a unity, everything belongs to that unity, including our personality and our body.
Fears as signposts
In its growth towards unity, our consciousness looks for experiences and things that are not integrated and that long for our light. Life on earth confronts us precisely with these things. Here we encounter the things that we have not yet allowed into our consciousness: fears and pain from which we want to flee. They point us to things that want to be highlighted: by saying Yes to them and facing them lovingly, we can grow towards the unity consciousness. We will never achieve unity if we run from it with the fallacy that in this way we transcend duality.
The way of unconditional love
True non-duality is the merging of the earthly and the heavenly. My love stands for the light, down to the tip of my toes. Everything just exists. Everything you feel and perceive belongs to it; there is no split. Focus on life itself, not ideologies.
Falling and getting up is part of this world and growing up. Life is not statistical, it moves. You can’t grab experiences. You are and you are not. When you feel joy, you are one with joy. You don’t say joy just flows through me. It flows through you and you can go with it, because you want to learn something from it. It is a transformation process: something dissolves, an old child part heals. It’s not always easy, but it’s the way of unconditional love. Have love for everything you come across.
Light and dark sides
It seems that I had to go through the intense experiences of being split off in order to realize on a deep level that my life is here on earth. And to remind me who I really am. Ellen, a flesh and blood human being, one with my higher self. Wisdom comes from everything you have experienced in your life.
Without personality (without a physical form) there is only expansion. Our body serves as an entrance and our personality gives expression. The magic comes when you allow yourself to experience the full expression of yourself. The light, but also your so-called ‘dark sides’. You can walk both paths. Your dark sides are all the emotions that you used to be unable to express and experience. You can still claim your emotions. In addition, you are allowed to make dirty hands – that is inescapable of being human. And you get to experience full expansion: what it feels like to be free, to be able to choose and express who you are. It all comes together in you. If you accept that and start from there, you create magic. Being human then becomes magical.
Your personality needs boundaries. Especially if you are highly sensitive, symbiosis is lurking. You merge with your family and/or with the person with whom you have a relationship. This causes you to leave yourself. By mentally cutting through the old energies and cords, you break the symbiosis and you come back into your own power. Imagine that you are cutting a cord, just like an umbilical cord.
That means you and I are not one. We are two, but one whole. We are everything: the emptiness and the form. The mind is consciousness/empty, your soul is your individuality, your body and your personality are your form. Important to know, especially for highly sensitive people: we are not one with everything and everyone, but we are connected with everything and everyone.
The importance of grounding
During the interview I said that I used to be able to feel what someone else was feeling from a great distance. For example, if someone fainted or was in pain. It was a time when I was not properly grounded in my body. I lived more outside of my physical body than in it. If your soul energy/light is good in your body, you will not be bothered by this. You can imagine why grounding is so important. The stronger our light, the less bothered we are from energies outside of us.
If we want to live from our soul, we must be open to ‘not knowing’‘. Live as much as possible from trust instead of control of mind. You can be here with whatever you feel; there is nothing you cannot feel. You can remain present and open to all the emotions your body wants to feel.