1) Focus on lack perpetuates the lack
Do you often hear yourself say/think: ‘I still haven’t met him/her..’ or: ‘All the cuties are of course already taken!’? Thoughts are forces, and therefore have an effect on your situation. Stop focusing on lack, and learn to think in abundance. So think about the things that you do have, that are going well in your life. Success (= attracting people and situations that suit you) follows a good feeling, not the other way around.
So it’s about how you feel. That good feeling will have a positive effect in all areas of your life, including in love. This is not a matter of doing it once. It takes practice, but gradually it becomes more natural.
2) Don’t wait for happiness (in love)
In a previous article I wrote that we often wait for external reasons for happiness. “If I have this, or that person in my life, then I’m really happy.” This is a farce. Forget it. Happiness is in the now, and in the connection with yourself. This also remains the case with a partner. Meditation, walking, mindfulness and exercise help to live more in the present.
Embrace your current situation as it is. Look at it with soft eyes and let your judgments fall. Also those of others, whom you may have attracted in silence. What kind of nice things can you say to yourself about your current situation?
3) Stop Projecting
For years I thought I was “too different” to find someone to match. Result: I attracted men who liked it. My interest in meditation and spirituality: a big no-no. Like my independence. (“But what do you need me for?”). Purely because I had a negative conviction, I attracted them.
4) Bend limiting beliefs
Do you have beliefs about yourself that are ineffective? What new thoughts/beliefs would you like to turn them into? Write them down. At first, it’s hard to believe the exact opposite.
So choose a thought that is a bit more neutral, and which you therefore believe more easily. Example: ‘Everyone is unique, but there is always someone who fits me.’ Such a thought builds a bridge from ‘the island of Impossible’ to the mainland, where possibilities abound.
5) Visualize your wishes
Make a list of things you would greatly appreciate in your partner. Attributes, beliefs, passions you name it. Be as complete and honest as possible. Then take the time to feel what that person is like. And how it feels when that person is in your life. Then say to yourself: ‘From now on I will allow myself someone by my side who is good for me.’ How does that feel?
Then let go of the list. You therefore do not measure the people you meet against your ‘newly penned yardstick’. Put the list away (it’s not a yardstick) and forget it. You now have a clear picture of what you think is important, and that’s what it was all about.
6) Be your own dream partner
Then become your own dream partner. Treat yourself as you would like to be treated by your dream partner. Have that relationship you were looking for with yourself. Do you live in: what do you find important?
That your love is kind to you? Be that to yourself. Think about how you prefer to see that. If gifts make you happy, buy them now and then. Compliments? Give them. Do you like powerful people who live their passion? Stand in your power and live your passions.
This takes guts: ‘Because what if I look even more special? Shouldn’t I be a bit more general and spread my chances?’ No. Live who you are, who you really are. Don’t hide anymore, but come out squarely. Don’t be small.
People with judgments fall off by themselves, because they absolutely do not suit you. Half hidden, differences become less obvious, and you attract all kinds of people. A waste of your time.
8) Grow love for yourself
It’s also about learning to love yourself in such a way that you attract someone who also loves themselves. This results in healthy, beautiful and lasting relationships. You don’t need the other person for your happiness and self-confidence.
What could you do to love yourself even more?
9) Accept your partner as a mirror
Also the partner who suits you very well will always be a mirror for you. Do you dare to look at yourself once he / she is there?
10) Keep faith in existence
Finally, it may take some time. Trust that existence will bring you what you need. When you are ready. And that last one; You can do something about that yourself with the above 10 tips.