Suppose you have planned a nice evening lounging on the couch with your date or friend…
Suddenly you received a WhatsApp message. You decide to grab your phone during the commercial.
You see that you have just received a message from a good friend of yours.
A male friend, that is.
At a certain point you feel that two extra eyes are watching your screen…
“He’s been texting you a lot lately, isn’t he?” he asks in an uncertain and somewhat frustrated tone.
It is obvious.
Reasons He’s Jealous .
Be jealous that is.
If you’re dealing with a jealous man in your life, you’ve come to the right place.
In this article you will learn Reasons He’s Jealous:
- 9 Notable Reasons He’s Jealous
- Practical tips that you can apply immediately if you are dealing with a jealous man
- What comedians Daniel Arends and Hans Teeuwen can teach you about jealous men
- What the competition principle is and how it helps you to deal with a jealous man
- And much more…
First of all:
I understand you completely.
When you’re dating/in a relationship with a jealous person, it can be downright irritating .
He constantly wants to know who that “one friend” you text with….
When you’re out together, he’s watching you like he’s a spy ….
And when you want to go out with your girlfriends for an evening, he wants to know exactly where you are going, who you are with and what time you will be home.
Dating someone who is jealous (or being in a relationship with someone who is completely jealous) can feel very oppressive .
Jealousy is one of the 7 deadly sins for a reason…
Many relationships end up breaking down because of jealousy….
And that’s a shame.
Because being aware of the reasons why a man is jealous can really help you understand his jealousy better.
it teaches you to deal with his jealousy much better.
That’s why today you get no less than 9 reasons why men can be so incredibly jealous.
You will learn that there are a number of reasons that are really in the nature of the beast… (really, men are naturally very jealous creatures… you’ll learn why that is later).
However, there are also a number of reasons why men are jealous that may have to do with the relationship or even with you …
But don’t worry.
Once you are aware of these reasons, you can make his jealousy disappear…
Like snow in the proverbial sun.
Precisely for that reason, a number of these main reasons also give you practical tips that you can apply today to make short work of his jealousy…
Which makes dealing with him a lot more pleasant for both you and him in one fell swoop…
Are you ready for it?
Sit back and open your eyes and ears so that after this article you will know exactly why men are so jealous and how to deal with it.
Reason 1: His inner primeval man
2018: What a time to be alive.
We have the most advanced technologies ever.
Not only can we use these technologies to make the world a better place, but they are also very useful in everyday life.
Within seconds you have already sent a message to someone who is all the way in Japan…
When you’re hungry, you can order food at your front door until the wee hours.
Our smartphones offer us unprecedented possibilities.
Soon you will even be able to take a space trip to the moon as a tourist, if your wallet allows it.
In short: humans have evolved so much that with our knowledge of everything we are able to continue to survive and discover things that we could never have imagined before.
And despite all this…
are we still just monkeys.
The primal man lives in each of us.
Our primordial instincts are still very active today and hardly differ from the primordial instincts that we already had 60,000 years ago.
Jealousy is just such a primal instinct.
So we can find one of the reasons why he is jealous when we take a look at the prehistoric man’s brain.
The ancient man had two great tasks: to survive and to reproduce.
For the latter, his goal was to fertilize as many primeval women as possible so that his genes could continue to exist.
Noble task, of course. But not always easy.
The ancient man had to ensure that other males would not get the chance to fertilize his females.
If that were to happen, it would mean that the primeval male was given the task of caring for the progeny of another ancient male.
And of course no ancient man wanted that.
This instinct is still fully ingrained in the male brain today
As soon as a man sees that another man is potentially going to conquer “his” wife, all the primal instincts from then are put into operation again.
This is exactly why men can get so jealous and claimant when he sees you talking or flirting with another man.
For this reason, the male brain of today differs very little from the male brain of tens of thousands of years ago.
In principle, there is little that can be done about these primal instincts.
Just think: we are tens of thousands of years later and these primal instincts are still alive.
Let alone that you manage to get this jealous nature out completely within a few months.
However, there is at least one thing you absolutely do not want to do when a man gets jealous…
“Tell Laurens, what should I absolutely not do?”
Good that you ask.
What you definitely don’t want to do is this:
go on the attack.
When you go on the attack, he will also literally feel attacked and in the long run that will not work.
There are plenty of other ways you can use if he’s jealous, which you’ll get to later in this article.
Nevertheless, I would like to emphasize that going on the attack is not the way to go .
There could be plenty of other reasons why he’s jealous, including outright insecurity on his part…
Reason 2: Uncertainty
Suppose you are dealing with someone who is extremely insecure about his or her appearance.
How would you deal with that then?
If you are a good person, you do your best to understand this inner insecurity and, if possible, do something about it. After all, a good person wants to help other people, right?
In any case, what most people would n’t do is get mad at this insecure person.
And if you think about it, that’s a good thing (it doesn’t make sense if you suddenly get mad at someone who opens up about an insecurity).
Yet many people initially become angry when they notice that their partner is jealous .
Of course, it’s no surprise that this happens. Jealousy is an annoying emotion and it can be quite irritating when you feel that someone wants to control you completely just because they are jealous.
Nevertheless, getting angry is not recommended, because jealousy often stems from insecurity.
Insecure people get jealous quickly.
A man can become insecure for many reasons:
- He’s afraid you don’t think he’s good enough.
- He is afraid that other men are prettier or nicer.
- He has had previous bad experiences in relationships (more on this later).
The reason many men are insecure is because the male ego is actually very small and fragile.
Men are terribly afraid of rejection.
They want to make the woman happy in their lives, but they see other men as potential danger.
Many men fear that a woman will leave them and choose a nicer, stronger, prettier man.
And we already agreed that you would never get mad at someone who is insecure, right?
Then why get mad at someone who is insecure and loves you?
I get it right.
I hate very jealous people.
But sometimes (read: super often) these people are jealous because deep down they are incredibly insecure and afraid of losing you.
To prevent this, you want to regularly provide a man with positive feedback .
Remember: a man wants to make you happy. If you regularly let him know that he makes you happy, you already reduce his jealousy considerably.
In fact, make him feel like he ‘s better than all the other men.
There is a strong competitive element in the behavior of men among themselves….
Reason 3: The competition principle
To make the competition principle crystal clear for you, I kindly ask you to watch this video:
You see here that the male buffalo literally compete with each other to ‘win’ the female.
This is no different in humans.
Men see other men as competition.
This is exactly why research has shown that, in general, men are more involved in sports (and watch them more often) than women.
The element of competition that comes to the fore in many different sports is precisely why sports are so attractive to many men.
Men constantly want to be “the best” and feel like they are “better” than other men.
So when a man likes a woman, but sees this woman talking to another man, he can literally think the following:
“Oh shit, this man is now competing with me for this nice woman. I will now do everything I can to make sure I win in the end.”
Unfortunately, this drive to want to ‘win’ comes out in a very primitive and jealous way that is often far from appealing.
This is why men can become skeptical when you tell them that you are going to meet up with another man who is just a friend to you.
We men are very afraid that other men (our competition) will conquer our female, which quickly creates jealousy.
Again, it is important that you continue to provide him with positive feedback on a regular basis, so that he knows that you choose him and he has less urge to ‘fight’ with other men for you.
“Clearly Lauren. But what should I do if he is really very jealous? Do I still have to stay positive?”
Of course it is very important that you set your boundaries, as long as you don’t get attacking .
When you’re on WhatsApp with another man and he is jealously peeking at your screen, you could say something like:
“Darling. You know that I will always choose you, right? You are #1 with me, way above all other men. I like you very much, only I don’t find it attractive if you don’t trust me in this. Would you please trust me in this?”
When you say this, on the one hand you make your intention clear (you want to cut off his jealous behavior) without attacking him directly.
In fact, this way you still show that he is ‘better’ than all the other men.
And that, dear reader, is what every man wants as the competitive little creatures they are.
Reason 4: He’s had a bad experience before
What if you have a boyfriend, but you decide to break up with him because he cheated on you?
Quite a horrible experience , right?
And suppose you later get a boyfriend who also cheats on you…
And that friend after that is also strange….
How do you feel about men then?
Chances are you find it very difficult to trust men anymore.
And that is more than logical…
This is something that affects both men and women.
Once you’ve been cheated, you protect yourself.
This is exactly why men can be jealous: he’s jealous because his heart has been broken before .
My brother is a good example of this.
My brother isn’t the jealous type at all, until he starts a relationship with a woman he likes.
This is a real shame because he’s a nice (read: great) guy who really doesn’t have to worry about a woman leaving him at all.
Nevertheless, he is very afraid that his girlfriend is cheating.
The reason for this is simple:
a woman cheated on him once before…
This broke his heart at the time. The last thing he would want is to have to go through such an experience again.
This is how it works for more men who have been cheated on before.
A cheated man is so afraid that this bad experience will happen to him again that he will become completely jealous every time he sees you talking to another man.
(The annoying and paradoxical thing about this is that in some cases this jealousy can actually trigger cheating ).
So you want to find out (carefully) whether he has ever been cheated on before.
Let him know that he can vent with you and that you would never hurt him so much by cheating (and, by all means, really don’t).
Previous unpleasant experiences make him jealous and above all can make him no longer trust women.
Become a woman he can trust.
Because once this trust is gone…
his jealousy only gets worse.
Reason 5: He doesn’t trust you (anymore)…
Take a deep breath.
You can be very honest with me.
I want you to answer the following question truthfully:
Have you ever cheated?
Have you ever kissed another man? Have you ever had sex with another man outside of your partner?
Have you ever done something that would bother you if it happened to you?
If the answer to these questions is “yes,” you know exactly where his jealousy comes from.
Once he feels like he can’t trust you anymore, his jealousy rises to an all-time high.
Trust is the foundation of any healthy and strong relationship.
Once this trust is gone, it becomes very difficult (sometimes almost impossible) to contain his jealousy.
And, as loud as it sounds:
You brought this upon yourself by cheating.
Ask yourself: if someone cheats on you, could you still trust him?
When he loses faith in you, it can take a long time to recover.
does not restore trust at all.
Fortunately, there will soon be an article on menbrain.nl in which you will receive tips on how to regain a man’s trust (so keep an eye on the website).
Reason 6: He is obsessively in love with you
In high school, I was madly in love with a girl who was a grade above.
And by madly in love I mean really madly in love.
I was constantly texting her and I wanted to meet up with her every day…
In fact: I even made a drawing for her (yes, I was 16 then…not 6. I couldn’t draw at all, by the way).
But worst of all: I gave her no space at all.
I was obsessively in love.
This is exactly why I got jealous every time I saw her talking to another guy (even though I wasn’t even in a relationship with her myself).
Obsessive infatuation makes you unable to think clearly.
The substances that are released when falling in love can be compared to drugs.
You no longer think clearly.
Where a ‘normal’ person understands that you should not flatten someone with messages 24/7, a person in love no longer sees that at all.
A ‘normal’ person understands that the one man you are talking to is no more than just a friend…
But someone who is in love?
He no longer sees the difference.
Someone who is madly in love with you literally needs your attention as if it were some kind of drug.
Once the enamored person sees that the one he is so in love with is giving the “attention drugs” to someone else, he can go crazy.
Infatuation clouds the brain, making us more likely to develop jealous and possessive tendencies that we would normally know to be wrong.
This obsessive infatuation usually cools down over time, so that the jealousy gradually diminishes…
But you don’t have to.
anything with the word ‘obsessive’ in front of it is in principle not good.
Likewise with love.
When someone is obsessively in love with you, it can sometimes cause trouble (especially if you don’t feel the same way about them).
If the obsessive crush on its part is really too strong, you can pull the emergency brake by not having contact with that person for a while.
” But Laurens, isn’t that sad for him?”
Maybe a little.
But protecting yourself is very important in this case.
Don’t get me wrong: Only do this if jealousy really rises to extreme heights when someone is obsessively in love with you.
Sometimes it is best to completely remove the pressure from the boiler.
Reason 7: He has fear of commitment
“But Laurens, you would think that people with separation anxiety are much more likely to become jealous than people with fear of commitment?”
That’s right… you would think so.
But the interesting thing is that fear of commitment and fear of separation are very close to each other.
People find bonding difficult because they fear being abandoned again later.
It is precisely this fear of abandonment that makes him jealous.
He’s terribly afraid that you’ll leave him for someone else, causing him to show jealous (and sometimes downright hostile) behavior towards other men.
When someone has real fear of commitment (or separation anxiety), it is very difficult to talk jealous feelings ‘out of his head’.
One reason for this is because fear of commitment/separation anxiety are much more complex fears than most people would initially think.
(In fact, true fear of commitment or separation anxiety is much less common than you might think).
Reason 8: He wants to be your lifesaver
It’s really annoying when he’s jealous … that’s understandable.
However, his jealousy is not always ill-intentioned.
A man wants to be your superman .
This means not only that he wants to make you feel great when you are together, but that he also wants to protect you from danger.
He sees other men as potential danger to you.
This also has to do with the primal instinct principle that you learned in reason #1…
Tens of thousands of years ago, it was all wrong when there was another man who suddenly started addressing your wife.
When we’re in a bar with you and suddenly another man walks up to you, we men want to play your bodyguard … even though we understand quite well that you can also take care of yourself.
It’s not that men necessarily want to argue with every strange guy who approaches you (that would lead to a lot of awkward situations when the waiter brings your drink 😉)…
But any man who is crazy about you wants to protect you from potential danger.
So don’t get mad at him if he asks what that man was up to after he went to the toilet…
He does everything he can to be your lifesaver (although that sometimes happens in a bit of a clumsy way. With these apologies on behalf of us men).
Reason 9: His self-esteem takes a hard blow
If there’s one thing you need to understand about men, it’s this:
men get an awful lot of self-esteem from a woman’s judgment.
A man is proud as a peacock when he has won a woman’s heart.
He doesn’t want to share this pride with anyone else.
So as soon as he sees you flirting with another man, he thinks the following:
“Yes, but wait a minute… I did my best for you, didn’t I? Why can’t he suddenly?”
His self-esteem has taken a huge blow.
This is exactly why, unfortunately, some men label other women as ‘slut’.
These men do this out of sheer jealousy…
He had the idea that he had ‘conquered’ you, but as soon as he sees you with another man he feels ‘betrayed’ as it were.
(Even though this of course makes no sense at all).
A man wants to feel that only he is the one who could hit you.
Once this reality falls apart, it translates into extreme jealousy.
What’s important to know is that this somewhat hostile attitude on the part of men stems in large part from insecurity (see reason #2).
A good example of this comes from one of my male clients.
He had a girlfriend who he knew was very “free” sexually in the past.
In other words, she was much more experienced in the sexual area than he was.
As soon as she started talking about “a boy from the past”, her boyfriend became very insecure.
He was afraid that he could not offer her the same. He began to doubt himself more and more.
This uncertainty translated into toxic behavior. He became very jealous and vicious.
This viciousness wasn’t just aimed at the boys from the past she talked about…
This viciousness also targeted guys she was just chatting with.
Finally, his girlfriend came to us to see if there was anything that could be done about his jealousy.
After some puzzling, she had come to an effective solution.
What she said was this:
“Darling. Know that I choose you 100 percent. If I’m missing something (sexually), I’ll let you know right away ok? So you don’t have to worry about me leaving you.”
As soon as he heard this from his girlfriend, the insecurity and jealousy disappeared like snow in the sun.
males can be quite toxic and childish at times.
But please understand that much of it comes from fear of losing you to someone else.
A man’s self-esteem is so closely linked to a woman’s judgment that men can sometimes do totally wrong things.
The more you know about how the male brain works, the better you will understand men.
You will therefore understand much better why men become jealous and what you can do about it.
But not only that…..
If you understand how the 3 special links of the male brain work, you even have the knowledge to make a man fall for you like a rock .
- Extremely Jealous? 13 Tips To Beat Jealousy (In Relationships)
- He blocked me: 7 reasons why + this is how you solve it
- 15 Surprising Reasons Why Men Don’t Listen
- 11 Unexpected Things That Make Men Insecure
- The 7 Only Reasons Why Men Cheat