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Recognizing the Pain of the Inner Child

In part I of this 3-part series about the inner child you were able to read how to recognize and recognize the inner child and the adult in you. And how you can choose to put forward the adult version of yourself.

Today in part II you will read about the blockages and the (actual) pain of the inner child that is felt when you are hit. And why your brain needs to understand that before you can really let go or process it.

What actually happens when you get hit

If you are touched in the now, it always has a reason, an underlying cause, which is usually not visible on the surface. Often the behavior that arises from this is clearly visible. That causes problems.

Experiences enter through your brain through your right hemisphere, through your emotional side, to flow through the left hemisphere to the cerebral cortex. It is then determined how you deal with something. Then the experience is processed, or not (well) processed. For example, an experience is not processed if you tell a child not to act like that. Or that it’s not that bad.

If experiences are not or not fully processed, they form a wound, as it were. Every time new emotions arise, which resemble the old unprocessed emotions (although the experience is completely different), the brain bar closes. Then you no longer know how to deal with it because communication is no longer possible between the left and right hemispheres of the brain, so that you really cannot react differently than you do.

The first wound, the first emotion that has not been processed, always opens up again when you are touched in the same feeling from the past. It has become a trigger that your system will react to. Just like you did as a prehistoric man in the form of fight, flight or freeze.

And every time you get caught up in the emotions of that unprocessed experience, that wound gets bigger. Until your body eventually reacts with illness or other blockages. Then you can start working with the top layer and combat symptoms. But perhaps you also understand that it is better to work with the real cause, if you want to get past the trigger .


One of the biggest pitfalls of triggers is that we think we have or can deal with them. Then, for example, we learn to deal with a dominant parent, think it’s not that bad, or we distance ourselves (a typical case of the Inner Child talking). But then we come across the same theme again in a different place. Then, for example, at a later point in our lives we will have to deal with a dominant boss.

The pain wants to be looked at

Whether you are aware of it or not, the real cause of pain always wants to be looked at. And we can’t ask anyone else what you missed. Because make no mistake, there is also a lot of pain and loss.

Only when you understand the real cause of your pain can you get past the trigger . Because it can then be looked at and stored. And because healthy communication is then possible again between the different parts of the brain. Then you can act again from your adult self, which you really are again.

Your brain wants to understand everything: which emotions are blocking, what touches you in the now and above all what is underneath. Sometimes the awareness and insight is enough and sometimes a little more is needed.

So on the one hand we need insight, because the Brain wants to understand and on the other hand we can also start loving ourselves again.

If you’re looking for help with that

If you want to seek help with that, find a therapist who will help you clarify the cause, so that you understand what you have been through and the experience can still be processed and stored. There are different methods for this. Some therapists have the natural talent to tune in right away . Also find someone who fits you and who you can feel comfortable with, because it is often exciting enough to go back to the cause. It is not for nothing that we often do our best all our lives not to feel. To avoid the pain.

I myself like to work with the method of Carla van Wensen, where you can quickly test with the 0-ring test or biotensor which emotions and events block, both in the now and in the past (the cause). With this method you no longer have to go through your experience and it is also not necessary to talk a lot, although emotions are certainly touched. The beauty of this method is that Carla (and now I too) also links events to the chakras and the brain, where blockages have also arisen. And this also includes the movement development of the child and phases from developmental psychology with the necessary needs.

Chakras and the brain, development and movement

Each child develops its character and personality through various stages of development. Many sages have already dealt with this. Think, for example, of Plato, Freud and Jung. Each from his own vision and names.

The development of the personality goes hand in hand with the development of the brain. And if you look closely, you will also find that the chakras follow the same track.

The Brain and the Chakras

The Brain develops in a fixed order, in a certain way, from back to front and from inside to outside. In the brain, the primal brain is first developed, the part of your brain that ensures safety. This is about your intuition and feeling safe. Then the MIDDLE brain develops – of feelings and emotions. That is the part of the brain that determines whether something fits. And in the third part – the BARK – it’s all about cause and effect, you can process everything, you can say what you want, you can learn and do what you want.

The primordial brain

The primordial brain is the first part of your brain that develops, that includes the movement in front of / behind, the movement of flight or fight. These are children who dream, fight or flee. These are children who are overly alert or ungrounded. And the sensitive baby with tense fists and/or big eyes. The base chakra and sacrum chakra belong to the primordial brain.

For example, the bounce is mainly related to the theme of safety. These are children who let their pee and poop go, children with eating problems, children who refuse food or the bottle (related to everything that is stuck, the rotten earth, or with rules and structure that also includes food) or children who just very hungry. These are children who are dog-tired, who sleep a lot and who stay tired. Or babies who never cried (is he here, or are the shutters still closed?).

The sacrum mainly has to do with your self-esteem and belonging. When you are in balance, you dare to show yourself. These are kids who are mad at mom and dad. Fear of what will happen in relationships. Adolescents who don’t feel safe, where the hormones are fluttering. Search for who they are. Despair and distrust if it doesn’t work out. I can’t do anything either. Insecurity. Don’t want to get out of bed.

An associated theme of the OER brain is safety. The coccyx and sacrum are also about safety.

The MIDDLE brain

The MIDDLE brain that develops afterwards represents the movement above / below and ensures that you can process emotions. Problems surrounding emotion regulation reside in this part of the brain. Stimuli enter through the primordial brain and if it is safe and good, it passes through to the MIDDLE brain. Stress in the MIDDLE brain causes chemical or chronic stress. This includes worrying and being overwhelmed. Adrenal exhaustion. They are, for example, children who feel no boundaries, become tired (flight), who walk on tiptoe, children who seek confirmation and children with all neurons on, not grounded. This includes the solar plexus, the heart chakra and the throat chakra of connecting, giving and expressing.

The solar plexus is about connecting with yourself and others and developing independence. These children are not connected . They suffer a lot from the world around them. They are very sensitive children, or very volatile children who go from one topic to another and just keep talking. They put everything outside of themselves, not with what suits them.

The heart chakra stands for giving and receiving love and ‘I dare to give myself’. These are kids who don’t say no. Children who care, over-concern, concern for parents, afraid that something will happen to parents. Children who don’t think they’re okay.

The throat chakra (like a chain around your neck) is about expressing yourself, what you feel. These are the stubborn kids, stubbornness because then you don’t have to express yourself. Children who lie, who make things more beautiful out of low self-confidence. These are also children who compliment you.

Blockages in these chakras also cause problems in emotion regulation.


Finally, the BARK (the reptilian brain) that takes care of doing, following up, being able to learn. With the BARK belongs good behavior or, on the contrary, stubborn behavior. This also includes the lack of overview. The BARK can only be put in order if the OER and MIDDLE brain are in order. And it is also the first chakra that you can work with before the next one can be healed.

Not infrequently, for example, the focus is on learning problems or motor skills and children have to do something that is not yet possible at all from a brain point of view. Then they are trained while each action in itself costs (too) much energy and the brain has been disrupted. That is often an impossible task. It’s better to start at the beginning, in the right order. Otherwise it is mainly carrying water to the sea and no one is waiting for that.

The BARK includes the forehead chakra of showing yourself and the crown chakra of freedom and manifestation.

To the forehead chakra belong children with nightmares, who see more than they want to see. And children who can’t be upstairs alone and can’t feel safe without mom or dad. Out of balance you can no longer see what suits you. Stubbornness, wanting to do it your way.

At the crown chakra belong the adapted children with socially desirable behavior. Perfectionist, who are not allowed to make mistakes or who don’t care about everything.

Beyond the trigger

A child’s developmental stages and the associated themes of the Brain and Chakras help you understand your problems in the now. The brain wants to understand in order to store the unprocessed experience. And to get past the trigger . Then the experience is still there, but it no longer has an impact on you. And then various integration techniques and energetic treatment methods come into play, whereby the brain, the chakras and meridians with specific emotions can also come into balance again. I myself combine that with my own energetic work, supplemented with the family system and the Universal Laws of Life for the mindset .Each therapist has his own talents and works in his own way, which makes the work of each therapist unique and pure.

You can also do it yourself

If you know that there is always something underneath when you are touched, that every experience in which you feel touched has a first cause, then you can also know that every experience (also) has to do with yourself. And that there are unprocessed emotions underneath that want to be looked at.

People are attracted to you, to your energy field and your unprocessed experiences. They just resonate to your energy. With that you attract experiences to you, to still deal with unprocessed pain. You can attract a cloud of love or just the opposite and of course there is everything in between.

When you acknowledge that it has to do with you, you take matters into your own hands. Then you can stay connected, instead of flying out in flight, fight or freeze modes. And then you will feel.

It could just go like this:

You are touched and you know it has to do with you. You ask yourself: Does it have to do with me? The answer is always YES.

And then you ask yourself: What am I feeling? Every time you get hit, you sit down and feel it. You acknowledge your own pain and you feel it until you feel calm. And you leave the outside world alone, because you will never be able to find it there. You shift your focus from the outside world to your inner self. This way you process more and more pain.

If you want to take it a step further, you can also ask yourself when you first felt this way. Then you allow yourself to become smaller and younger, until you arrive at the first cause and start to feel it. Then you see the real pain and let it be there. If you can, as the grown you can be calmly present with the emotions of the little you. And if you want, you can also comfort and envelope the little you with your love.

love me

The last step is now within reach: you can start loving yourself again. You may learn to look at yourself again from the eyes of the Source. To yourself and others. This is what part III is about.


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