10 Tips To Recover From Codependency and Relationship Addiction

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What does a relationship rut feel like

Unfortunately, codependency is something that affects more people than you think.

It means that you have not received enough love from your parents and have not been supported enough during your childhood.

Missing such an emotional connection between child and parent leaves deep marks.

In the Netherlands alone there are a few hundred thousand people who struggle with this. So you are not alone!

In this article I want to make you understand what this exactly means and I give you tools to recover from codependency and relationship addiction.

What is codependency and where does it come from?

Codependency is a mental illness. It is a response to a trauma experienced by men and women during childhood.

You may have contracted this condition during your childhood because you were raised by a narcissistic parent with high demands.

It could also be that your parents had so many emotional needs of their own that they completely overlooked yours.

The neglect of your emotional needs as a child is at the root of codependency. Because your parents didn’t teach you how to deal with emotions.

Consequences of codependency?

If you contracted this condition in childhood, you will have difficulty with emotions when you are an adult.

As a result, you will have difficulty estimating the emotions of others at a later age. Because of this, you will often make mistakes in your relationships.

Often you will already end up codependent in a relationship with a narcissist or psychopath , because you are used to this from your childhood.

Because of this condition, you will often do everything to please your partner. This is where relationship addiction comes in.

What is a relationship addiction?

You can think of a relationship addiction as a runaway obsession for one person.

Almost all of us experience bad relationships at some point in our lives.

However, for people with relationship addiction, they are used to that pain and get stuck in a bad relationship again and again.

It is destructive behavior that often results from past trauma.

The pain and drama has become an addiction for you that you can’t get rid of. Relationship addiction has strong similarities with being codependent.

Recover From Codependency and Relationship Addiction

However, for both conditions solutions can be found to recover from this.

Now that we know more about what both things mean, we can provide you with 10 important tools to get rid of this mental illness.

1:  Discover different patterns in your life

Now that we all know how codependency works, it is important to analyze yourself and look back, does this correspond to myself?

Have I experienced codependency in my relationships in the past or present?

So it’s often about having a hard time developing emotional connections and being too preoccupied with satisfying your partner’s every need.

You picked this up from your childhood, so check what my parents were like when I was a child and see their behavior reflected in this behavior and this condition.

Do you have trouble asking your partner for help?

When you have codependency I am always looking for confirmation from others rather than really figuring out what you really want in life.

Other patterns you may recognize are low self-esteem, your life feels pointless and you are not comfortable with your partner.

Make your own decisions slowly, you only live once!

2: Learn what healthy love is

Not all unhealthy relationships have to do with codependency, but all codependent relationships in general are unhealthy.

It doesn’t always mean that your relationship is doomed to fail, but it’s going to take a lot of work to make it a healthy one.

The most important first step is recognizing that your relationship is unhealthy and what a healthy relationship would look like for you.

Instead of being unhappy and experiencing mental pain in your relationship, you should learn to be happy and content in each other’s company as much as possible. It is also important that you start to trust 100% again.

This is a process that is not an easy one, but one that you both have to fully commit to if you want to have a healthy relationship.

Another important topic in healthy relationships is making compromises. So learn to trust each other and don’t always want to get your own way. This is indicative of healthy relationships.

3: Indicate your limits

You and your partner need to learn to set boundaries properly . Yes, you have to make compromises, but never do anything that makes you very uncomfortable.

If you have suffered from codependency for years, your boundaries will have completely blurred and you will only have your partner at the center of your life.

This bending to your own limits and also listening to yourself is a slow but very important process. So don’t try to be ready for your partner with every change.

Dare to say “no” politely and ask yourself relevant questions that put you at the center of importance.

4: Remember that you only have control over your own actions

Your relationship will not improve if you always want to control your partner in his actions.

Learn to trust and respect each other. It can sometimes be difficult if your partner does not want to be helped with your support.

Sometimes it can even lead to your self-esteem being hurt as a result…

But remember that you are only in control of yourself and not anyone else. You are not responsible for anyone, not even your partner.

5: Help your partner in a healthy way

Have you noticed that your partner is codependent or relationship addict? Then offer her or him support.

After all, there is nothing wrong with helping your partner, but never lose sight of your own needs in the process.

Communication will give you new insights. Listen to your partner’s problems and discuss possible solutions with each other.

It is important here that you only give your advice to the codependent person if he or she really asks for it.

If not, you distance yourself and let your partner come up with a decision.

Even if you don’t make the decision, show your compassion to your partner. In other words, appreciate your partner for who she or he is as a person.

6: Learn to love yourself again

Codependency and low self-esteem are often linked.

By appreciating yourself more, you will develop more self-confidence, regain your self-esteem and be much happier. However, it takes time to love yourself.

That’s why it’s important that you spend a lot of time with people who love and appreciate you. This will make you feel more comfortable in your own skin.

It is also important to eat and drink healthy and to exercise. This can be that you enjoy sports, walking or cycling.

Find something you enjoy doing. Having hobbies is very important and even better when you can share it with others.

All this together will increase your confidence and, over time, will make you love yourself again. Believe in yourself.

7: Identify your own needs

Codependency starts in childhood…

It may therefore be years ago for you when you last thought about your own needs and desires.

What do you want in life now? Are you happy? Are you happy with your relationship or job?

Do you want another hobby? Do you want to change your life?

These are all kinds of questions that you should ask yourself when you start listening to your own needs again.

So look for activities that give you a lot of satisfaction and pleasure.

And who knows, you might even discover a new quality that you didn’t know you had in your wildest dreams.

8: Visit a specialist

If you suffer from codependency and relationship addiction, it never hurts to visit a specialist. Visit a doctor or psychologist.

They have so much know-how that after one or more sessions they can give you useful analyzes and points on which you can improve yourself.

This is often a step-by-step process where you expose yourself and listen to the analysis of the specialist.

It’s an interesting process of what you want in life and developing self-confidence.

Codependency is a difficult condition that is difficult to solve on your own.

9: Learn to forgive yourself and others

This condition has a strong connection with your children. And specifically with your parents.

That is why it is important to forgive yourself and your parents.

It’s one of the hardest things you can do, but forgiveness makes you grow as a person. Forgiveness and putting things into perspective makes life easier and more pleasant.

Holding a grudge in your body for too long will have a negative effect on other things you do in life.

Recover From Codependency and Relationship Addiction

In many cases, parents are not perfect, but they do love their children.

You were a child yourself, you didn’t know any better. Learn to forgive yourself and your parents or educators. There is still a life full of fun and opportunity ahead of you when you do that.

 

10: Working on assertiveness for Recover From Codependency and Relationship Addiction

It may sound very cliché to you, but it is true.

Nobody is perfect. We are all imperfect humans who all try to make the best of our shortcomings.

When you accept this you will more easily get over some blockages in your own system.

You can see it as the ultimate form of putting things into perspective. Don’t make life too difficult for yourself.

If you are very stuck in your relationship due to relationship addiction, then it is time to overcome inner blocks and work on your self-esteem.

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