Monday, December 5, 2022
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Sacred Sexuality and the Inner Child

“What does sacred sexuality have to do with the inner child?” you may think. These two are inextricably linked. Not only the playful and magical child are important in fulfilling sexuality, also the most vulnerable child determines to what extent you can enjoy and surrender to love.

The vulnerable child of all ages in you carries with it both your pleasurable and your painful experiences. This child is connected to your deepest self. It is very sensitive to atmosphere and knows exactly what is pure and good.


When you get to know each other, fall in love and the energy flows freely between you, you are open and loving, then you can feel ecstatic. A wonderful feeling flows through your body. Your belly, your heart and your head form a whole and you are connected and one with the other.

Childhood pain

When you’re together longer, the unconscious, unhealed childhood pain comes up. That pain can manifest itself as blame, criticism, you are mine, neediness, distance. The result is that the purest core in you condenses. The moments when you make love can still be nice and passionate, yet: in the depths something is missing and you do not experience the fulfillment that you experienced in the beginning. Somewhere you stay alone and in the depths you are not hit.

Sex can become painful as more and more pain is added. In women, this can lead to pain or cramping in the vagina. In men to erectile dysfunction or intercourse aimed at discharge.

The woman’s vagina is the sacred gate to which we as men can only gain access if we want to give from our dignity and love. Only then will she be able to surrender deeply and show her love.

And in order to open up as a woman, you will want to heal the emotional pain, wounds of this and past lives.

Binding Patterns

That is why it is so important to recognize and embrace the pain of your own hurt children. How often do we not give responsibility to our partners and want to be taken care of by him/her. We look for the father or mother we did not get.

These bonding patterns can cause us to lose ourselves and become dependent on our partner.

It will not surprise you that this is not very exciting. Making love then becomes more of a duty or a form of release, in which you may or may not have all kinds of pleasant feelings. It does not fulfill for long because it also comes from the need and emptiness within yourself.

being alone

Being with yourself without the other gives you the chance to face your pain, sadness, anger and fear. Our natural movement towards connection , the desire to be seen and heard by the other is not fulfilled. Very young baby anxiety and pain comes up. The feeling of being alone and abandoned. No one there to comfort you. The emptiness and the fear becomes palpable, and you can experience it as a fear of death.


You can experience that fear and pain, that lack of warmth and envelopment, here and now. Alone or with someone who guides you in it. A guide who knows this inner path through the many landscapes you will encounter along the way.

I myself have a supervisor (mentor / therapist) who took me to that very young baby and child and the fears of children in me who had never been seen and who did not know the warmth and envelopment, support and love of another. The acknowledgment, understanding and empathy for my deepest pain allowed me to open and vomit more and more. There is increasing confidence in my own strength and love.

The way to light is through darkness, we all know that. Yet we try to avoid this in all sorts of ways in the hope of not having to confront ourselves. That may be all. Everything happens in its own time. The more the pain heals, the more the body can open up and you can surrender to the flow of life. You can do this alone or with your partner.


1. Sit quietly and bring your attention to your body. What do you feel, what do you experience? Bring your attention to your gender and surround it with your love and attention. Imagine all your experiences that you have had sexually . Beautiful experiences, painful experiences. Let everything be there. Breathe in and out a little more deeply. Imagine what sacred sexuality looks like to you.

2. Then imagine that little girl or boy, open, innocent and vulnerable. What is he/she afraid of? Surround that boy/girl with your love and attention.

3. Promise yourself now that you will take care of that child in you. That you will protect him/her and be there. That you stay true to yourself. True to love for yourself.


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