Judging is normal
So there is a lot to experience with the word ‘ Self Love ‘. Just look at yourself now. What does this word evoke in you? What thoughts and feelings do you get? Often judgments immediately come to the fore and you notice that you think something of it. There is nothing wrong with a judgment. Judgments even have an important function. Judging and assessing help you to order the world around you and to assess whether danger is imminent. This helps you to make choices and take the appropriate actions.
Judgment and (self-) rejection arise from hurt
It becomes more complicated when you start judging or rejecting yourself or someone else. This is how you fix something. You trap energy. You trap yourself or others. Rejection and condemnation often arise from a lack or from previous injuries. Judging and rejecting is then a way to protect yourself from vulnerability. You are usually not aware of this behavior. It’s a way to survive if you’re hurt or hurt. For example, we have all suffered injuries in life and we have developed protective behaviors to prevent further injuries. But with that, we also store energy in ourselves.
Our ‘everyday me’
In everyday life we, tried and tested as we are, have developed behavior that allows us to participate in social life. We do this from what I call our ‘everyday self’‘. With this we shape our lives, our relationships, our ambitions, our work and our intimacy.
Our ‘higher self’
My view is that in addition to our ‘everyday self’ we also have a ‘higher self’. By this I mean the part of ourselves that does not judge. The part that is not hurt or injured. The part in us that is whole, pure and original. Where inner wisdom speaks for itself. Where love reigns. The part that is connected to a greater whole. You can also call this your soul, your core or, for example, your divine essence. This part is concerned with meaning, spirituality and love.
Getting stuck and alienated
The tricky part is that these words immediately evoke judgments and associations. And before you know it, you’ll be judging and rejecting again. Then your ‘everyday self’, well-intentioned, takes over control. In this way we get stuck in twists and turns and in unconscious behaviour. This makes us alienated from our pure originality, alienated from our ‘higher self’. We then live a modified version of ourselves. This is painful. It brings a feeling of emptiness and lack.
Searching for happiness
This feeling of emptiness and lack makes many people feel searching. They are looking for happiness. We often think we find this happiness outside of ourselves. In a new love, in a new job, in a…. Or we numb the painful lack with addictions to food, sex, drugs, and computers.
Safely investigate, recover and become aware
In my work as a therapist and coach, I guide people when they are hurt or searching. The first thing I think is important is that someone feels safe. That there is a ground and a bed where one can arrive safely. With everything… whatever it is. Because only in a safe setting and with the ground under your feet can you open up and examine yourself with mildness. Your ‘everyday self’ gets the chance to recover from its injuries and you become aware of your own behavior. In contact with yourself, you rediscover the connection with your own inner wisdom, with your ‘higher self.
Your ‘everyday self’ and your ‘higher self’…. Best Friends Forever!
In this way, your ‘everyday self’ and your ‘higher self’ can again recognize and acknowledge each other. I recently dreamed that my ‘everyday self’ was looking at my ‘higher self’ with admiration. In that dream, I first thought that the ‘higher self’ was also literally higher. As if this one would be worth more. But no….They were on the same level as each other. They looked into each other’s eyes and I felt a strong flow of love flow between them.
Together they were so full and so complete. A powerful unity that filled me with joy. And just as children can enthusiastically shout that someone is their best friend, they also express this to each other. That’s when I woke up crying. As my tears flowed naturally I realized that for me this is the meaning of Self Love is.
My ‘everyday self’ and my ‘higher self’ are therefore both necessary! They are a team, they complement each other, they are each valuable and each has its own quality.
What you are looking for you will find within yourself
Yes… that is a wonderful realization that you do not have to look outside yourself.
You are already a complete and whole person!
You too can make that connection with your BFF!
With the picture that has now been sketched, I hope that the concept of Self-love has become a bit more concrete. Of course, I can tell and write much more about it to inspire you and to make clear how powerfully beautiful you are. I certainly will because I feel a great mission to guide people to connect with the source of love and wisdom.
But writing alone is not enough. After all, you don’t learn to swim by reading about it. You only learn that when you actually do it. It is the same when you want to develop yourself. Then it is sometimes necessary to close the books so that you can experience for yourself what is meant. That way you actually learn in practice. Just like a child, accompanied by a lifeguard, goes into the water.