One day I lost them all three, two months after I fled that prison anyway, which his mother agreed with, by the way. I never dreamed my ex would go this far.
Someone recently told me that extreme narcissists can indeed go that far, resulting in death. Maybe I felt that somewhere all along, but I didn’t dare and couldn’t put my finger on it. Harming me that was my fear, but Elfin and his own mother seemed safe to me.
Narcissism is not anything I realize now more and more. I read articles and also hear stories from others about how they have been in the grip of a narcissist. A difficult relationship with ups and downs is different from a relationship with a narcissist. I would like to ask anyone who doesn’t know exactly what narcissism is to read about it. It is impossible to imagine if you have not experienced it. But that is no more. I don’t know what it’s like to be burned out or in divorce after 30 years of marriage. We don’t know until we experience it, and every situation is different.
I believe that pain cannot be put on a scale. I believe that pain is pain. The feeling of being separated from yourself and the world, not knowing who you are or what you want anymore.
The most powerful medicine I know is self-love. Take yourself in your own arms and think nice things when sadness, anger, or frustration arise. Feel and then list what is good about you. You and I both, until we die, go through the same door with ourselves. We’d better make it pleasant until then, as far as we can.
Loving yourself and thus others does wonders.
So far I have had no therapy after the loss. Self-love has paid off. Every once in a while I have a stressful nightmare. And of course, the lack is also there on certain days. But acceptance has taken care of it; I think the biggest part of self-love is that I don’t experience any daily burdens from it. In fact, self-love and acceptance make life even more beautiful. I don’t feel guilty about that, that destroys you, that’s poison. You can never change anything about the past in any way. Now is what there is. And I think it’s beautiful now, with the beautiful memories and bright future that awaits me!
Stay true to yourself
By the way, I am not holy, or enlightened. If you are looking for lighting, just turn on a lamp! Is one of my favorite sayings. I do try to remain faithful. Because one thing that goes with self-love is staying true to yourself. You can sometimes take a trip to things that you actually know aren’t so good for you, but that trip won’t last long. The heart has taken charge of your life. She works together with the head but the head is not the head you might say.
Give in to intuition faster and listen to her; that is a chief purpose of the heart.
If we listen to our hearts and dare to follow them, miracles happen. Our lives turn into something beautiful and if it is ugly at times, then at least we have a guarantee that we will be loved, by ourselves (and probably by others too, that only becomes clearer if you love yourself too).