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(Soul) relationships: there is a labor of love to be had

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A lot of people live with an empty, open space in their inner self, where love, appreciation and recognition for yourself should actually live. Building and maintaining a solid foundation of love is a fragile process where a lot can go wrong. You don’t necessarily have to have a miserable childhood or nasty parents for that. Despite a good childhood in itself, something may have gone wrong in building your sense of love and appreciation for yourself.

Is this recognizable to you? Then read on.

The consequence of this lack of firmness in the love for yourself is that you feel a kind of hole deep, deep inside. Where the solid, solid foundation for your existence should lie is nothing, or maybe just a wobbly surface. And you feel and notice that in your life. Because you can’t really enjoy your life to the fullest. Somewhere deeply hidden there is the question of whether you have the right to be here and whether you have the right to receive abundance in your life.

You can’t keep walking around with that empty space inside of you. If you can’t feel love for yourself, your life doesn’t shine. Your existence becomes meaningless when you don’t feel you have the right to be here. Can you feel the heaviness if you briefly imagine this experience? What a heavy energy. In the end, no one can continue to wear it.

We are so inventive

Fortunately, as a human being, you have different ways to fill this hole, this empty space. Children are very inventive in creating conditions that allow them to experience the right to exist. For example, you may have thought that you can earn love by being very nice to everyone. Or perhaps by working very hard and being useful. Or by letting others help you, or just make it up.

That way you let someone else fill the empty space with love, recognition and appreciation. That is a wonderful mechanism to ensure that you can exist. If you don’t fill the empty space yourself, then you find someone to do it for you. Either way, the hole will be filled and you will have ground under your feet. As long as you meet your own conditions and others know how to value your work and yourself, there is no problem.

Here we immediately encounter the problem of this mechanism: you depend on your achievements and on the appreciation of others to feel love. That does not make the balance very firm. What happens if you cannot meet your own conditions? Or if for some reason the other person stops loving you? Then the whole floor collapses under your feet and you’re stuck with that hole again.

Your natural state of being

soul relationsIn love relationships (and certainly in soul relationships) you see this mechanism very clearly. Both the feeling of happiness and its collapse. It is everywhere and in every relationship you have with another person, but in a love relationship it becomes extra clear. Precisely because in this kind of relationship so much of one’s own happiness is hung on that one other person. You expect the other person to make you feel loved and happy. This makes the pattern very sharp.

When you meet someone you fall in love with, and the feeling is mutual, you suddenly feel that empty space inside yourself is completely filled with love. In one fell swoop you are rid of all doubt, uncertainty, self-criticism, and so on. Life is beautiful and you enjoy it to the fullest. The other opens the door to your natural state of being, to your full love, and that feels fantastic.

You never want to lose that nice feeling of love, security and appreciation. And there, very secretly, the fear of that empty space rears its head again. When you don’t realize that the other has opened your own door, you connect the great feeling of love to the other. He must have caused that feeling. Before you know it, you link that you don’t want to lose the feeling anymore, with that you don’t want to lose the person anymore.

Logical right? In your experience, the other person causes your happiness, and so you continue to feel that happiness and love as long as the other person is in your life. As long as the other loves you, appreciates you, acknowledges you, your empty space is completely filled. You do your best to find a balance together that you both feel comfortable with. With some adjustments and some give and take you will get there.

Balance comes from within

But here too, the balance does not come from within, but from without. When the give and take just doesn’t quite work out, or if a slightly larger adjustment is required, the balance is soon disturbed. And then when one of the two decides the relationship isn’t worth the adjustment, there’s that empty hole again in all its glory. Even worse than before, because now you know how it feels when it is completely filled up. You were able to taste your natural state of being again, but you couldn’t hold on to it.

The only way to permanently fill the empty space is to fill it yourself with love, appreciation and recognition for yourself. Your job is to grant yourself the right of being. Your job is to see yourself for who you really are and to feel good enough about yourself just the way you are. Instead of outsourcing that task to someone else, it’s high time to take it on yourself.soul relations

That’s not always easy. If it had been easy, you would have done it by now. This process can cause a lot of fear and sadness. The hole was created for a good reason. You have learned all kinds of nasty beliefs and destructive patterns that keep that hole open. You will first have to look at them, feel them and acknowledge them before you can transform them into forces with which you can really lay the foundation under your life.

Use your (soul) relationships to the fullest

The valuable relationships with the people around you then take on a different function. When you no longer use them to fill the void, you can start using them as the mirrors with which you can transform the void into a foundation. Just when someone opens the door for you to the distorted forces that maintain the hole, you have the opportunity to transform them.

That takes a lot of courage. The courage to feel the love beneath the pain. The courage to see the other and yourself as completely good. It takes effort not to ask the other person to stop pressing on your pain, but to ask if the other will look lovingly at your pain. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort not to respond directly to the other person from your own pain and need, but to first look within and give the most loving response.

The other in the relationship is then your springboard to inner growth. In love, whether it’s warm and soft, or presses on your deep pain spots. You lift each other up, always, whether you are aware of it or not. Then your relationship is an enrichment instead of a condition for being able to exist. When you can both choose love and growth over the fear of emptiness, love always flows, no matter what form it takes.

There is work to be done at the love shop. We have to take up our own tasks and transform our voids into foundations. Because we have work to do here in our lives. Important work. Individually and together. Love is allowed to return to its original form. inside us. After all, we consist of nothing but love and consciousness as pure, energetic forces. That is our natural state of being. So let’s enjoy it to the fullest.

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