Stop adjusting and choose for yourself

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Stop adjusting and choose for yourself

Sometimes you have to let go of what you love and where your heart is. Because it no longer suits you, no longer serves you on the path you are walking. That can be scary, but also sad. It seems easier than to hold on to what you had or to stay and adapt so that you don’t lose people you love. Doing what you know is easier than doing something new that you don’t know how to do or who will be there. So you don’t just continue on your path by letting go. It is mainly about stopping to adapt.

When the fog lifts in your life

Then you will see what is there.

And where you are.

What you create.

When it’s clear at your feet

Then you will feel what you do

What no longer works

What opens your heart

When you finally really clearly know what it takes

Then you can let go of what no longer serves you

Free yourself from what’s holding you back

And start doing what really works for you

Without fear

If you do what’s right for you completely

Then you are true to yourself

Honest to everyone else around you

And powerful enough to handle anything

Then your world is at your feet

I’m here for you so I matter

With every adjustment you make in your life, with anyone, you lose a part of yourself. You give yourself, as it were, a little bit of yourself to the other person so that it is nice again because that person needs it. And apparently you too.

Stop adjusting and choose for yourself

If you recognize this, you have probably been doing this since you were very small. You know no better than that this is what you do: adapt, give yourself a little bit every time. Simply because this was the way that you could be where you were, your family of origin.

Because it made you feel that you were needed and important, that you were seen. As small as you are, you have derived your right to exist from that. I care, therefore I am. I’m here for you, so I matter. I carry for you what you cannot bear and I give of myself to you what you need.

Conditional love

This is the love you know. You have derived your identity from what the other person thinks of you, how they think about you. It is a conditional love that you have come to recognize as love. As long as I do my best, do what they say, they’ll love me. If I just keep coming when they ask, I’ll be appreciated it.

At some point, you have to switch yourself off because otherwise, you won’t be able to sustain this. This can go well for a long time, simply because you experience it as love and probably have a long breath, it serves you and makes you happy. Love with a double agenda, because you need it for yourself (apart from the other) is not real love, that is love based on fear.

Ask yourself some questions:

  • Is this the way you want to connect with others?
  • Is this the way you really want to be?
  • Do you feel yourself draining on this?
  • Do you dare to let go of what you loved so much, do you dare to switch to an unconditional form of love for yourself?

Unconditional love for yourself

Stop adjusting and choose for yourself

Letting go of what you love can be anything: a person, your work, your partner, it doesn’t matter what it’s about. When you feel it no longer serves you, it’s time to explore what it takes to do what you need. Always adapting eventually becomes a form of fighting for yourself in too tight a connection, in something that doesn’t feel right. It becomes an attempt to ‘maneuver yourself in such a way that you can last a while. The difficult thing is often that it is really nice again. Why do you think it can take so long sometimes for partners to break up?

It is also definitely its own inner process that can take place for a long time underwater, or in the fog. Until you wake up, the fog lifts and you see what is really happening. Because it’s time to give yourself the recognition you truly deserve. No longer meeting the expectation of the other to be recognized. Love yourself unconditionally and do what feels right for you.

Doing what serves you will also help others

Stop adjusting and choose for yourself

When you always adapt to the other because you want to spare that person because you wear what is too heavy for that other person, you are not only doing something to yourself but certainly also to the other person. You yourself maintain that you have to keep wearing it, because the other person cannot do it himself. So you create your own golden cage, connections with people you don’t feel comfortable with, or places that are not good for you. It is not the other person, you have made your own unconscious choices. So you unconsciously allow yourself what happens.

The great thing about doing for yourself what is needed and what you deserve is that you serve the other at the same time, but now in a pure way, in what is needed. And this is a form of service that comes naturally, you don’t have to make any effort. It is not your responsibility, but you create what is needed. The other does with it what he wants, what he can. You just have to be your beautiful self. You follow your heart. Take that step you have to take.

And yes, that is by no means always what immediately feels good, makes you happy or brings you into a flow. You have to go through something first. Let go of what you have accumulated in your system. Sadness, anger, not to be confused with that your choice might not be right.

Time to go your own way

Now is the time to stand up for yourself, to feel that you are worthy of giving yourself what you need. It’s time to let go of what no longer serves you and move away from what keeps you small and increasingly undermines you, something you allow yourself to happen again and again. It’s time for your beautiful and true me. Time to realize that you can go your own way.

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